After Ellen put together a list of the 100 Hottest Women according to women (not, as most of these lists tend to be decided, according to men). The list was pleasing and interesting in the way you’d expect a list like this would be, if the people determining it didn’t suffer from big-boobs-equals-eyes-glazed-over-syndrome. We were psyched to see Tina Fey top the list, as well as Ellen Page, Katherine Moennig, Kate Winslet, and Mia Kirshner. But as usual, this list made us think about the ladies who didn’t make the list that always make the grade in hot list put together by men. Which women do men find insanely hot that we just don’t understand? Our Top Five list begins with:

5. Nicole Scherzinger from The Pussycat Dolls I would include the entire group of these assinine felines, but sources tell me dudes only find Nicole hot. First of all, I find all that prancing around, talking about pushing on buttons really offensive to, you know, girl power, not to mention the opposite of sexy. She’s like a blowup doll, only with less personality.

At last night’s MTV Movie Awards, there were lots of bad clothes. Personally, I think Ellen Page (winner of Best Female Performance) dressed quite appropriately for the event, wearing jeans and sneakers. Fancy dresses are not what the MTV Movie Awards should be about, especially if they’re short dresses. As Lindsay Lohan discovered, wearing a short dress while sitting in a movie theater means showing more leg than you may have planned. [MTV]

“I have a lot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel I would have a lot to give my children.” —Paris Hilton

PixlPorn.com is a site with nude celeb photos you can actually peruse while you’re at work. How is it possible, you ask, to view Paris Hilton’s nipple, Pamela Anderson’s vagina, and Colin Ferrell’s penis without getting bad looks from my boss? Well, the photos are of such low resolution that you actually can’t see much of anything. Clive Owen’s butt is just nine flesh-colored pixels. But maybe thinking about the fact that you’re staring at Clive’s backside will turn you on, even if you can’t recognize what it is. [PixlPorn.com]

The hot new fashion trend this spring is having your own clothing line. Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, Sienna Miller, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Duff, and all the girls from The Hills do. And now, Britney Spears may be adding her name to the long list of celebs whose mediocre clothes we could care less about.  That’s right, after sporting avant-garde looks like bloodstained white panties with ripped fishnets and no pants this past January, the pop tart has caught the eye of Ed Hardy. Known for their tattoo-style skull and tiger t-shirts, it looks like Ed Hardy may be willing to put an even scarier icon in their repertoire, the Britney. Yesterday she met with their fashion mogul about designing for the brand. Although she can’t seem to make a court appearance, Spears is always available to pick up some free schwag.  But, to be fair, Brit didn’t just horde all the stuff for herself, she asked them to send some clothes to her pregnant sister, Jamie Lynn, who is celebrating her birthday today. Aw, what a thoughtful big sis. So hopefully, this is a sign Britney is back on the road to recovery, because her freakish public mess is so out this season. [Dlisted]

Most kids know more about the internet than their parents and grandparents, which is why it scares us that there are sites like Miss Bimbo out there targeting our little girls. The interactive game lets you “become the hottest, coolest most famous bimbo ever!” Because Paris Hilton doesn’t already have that job covered? Okay. Users work to “become a socialite and skyrocket to the top of fame and popularity”, flirt with “that famous hottie you’ve had your eye on”, and can even “resort to meds or plastic surgery. Stop at nothing to become the reigning bimbo!” One of the site editors says that the game, which is marketed to tweens and teens, has some very valuable messages to send. “If they eat too much chocolate in the game it is bad for their bimbos’ bodies and their happiness levels compared to if they eat fruit and vegetables, which reinforces positive healthy eating messages.”

Okay, so we’re not entirely sure that this isn’t some hugely ironic parody site, but in a world filled with Bratz dolls and tween thongs, there’s a solid chance it’s for real. Besides, we doubt the little 10-year old we babysit would be able to tell the difference. [Guardian U.K via Feministing]

“I love Africa in general — South Africa and West Africa, they are both great countries.”—Paris Hilton, currently on tour in Africa with boyfriend Benji Madden and his band Good Charlotte.

Currently available on Zappos.com, Paris Hilton’s shoe collection has, um, pink and leopard print and looks the way her fragrance smells. Jessica Simpson, your fashion line has got competition! So what do you guys think? The “Icon” style makes me feel ill, but “Vogue” (in nude) is kind of cute and ladylike. [Zappos via Perez Hilton]

Lindsay Lohan has been stickin’ it to Paris Hilton! When the cat’s away groupie-ing it up with her boyfriend Benji Madden in South Africa, someone’s gotta take her place in America.  And Lohan has risen to the challenge! Earlier today, a sex tape, er, crappy cell phone video, surfaced of a blonde going down on Calum Best—a boy the starlet has a summer fling with. Lindsay reportedly said she didn’t remember being filmed, which is completely plausible considering her old habits. Then Lindsay kicked it up a Paris-notch by sporting an initial ring of her own.  While Hilton’s got “BM”, supposedly for her #2—boyfriend Benji—Lohan’s got SR, for her best girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson.  So now, not only is she copping a feel on Paris’ publicity racket and fashion sense, she’s also playing gay for a day—just like Hilton recently did with Elisha Cuthbert! Man, Lohan has got this Paris act down. Turns out, however, that the sex tape is just some other blonde chick, but we still think Lindsay should get to play Paris in a Lifetime Made-For-TV movie.

While every celeb in America has got a promotional sex tape—from rock grandpa Gene Simmons to Paris Hilton—in Hong Kong it is career suicide…and then some. Edison Chen, 27, a strapping leading man in Chinese cinema, collected suggestive photos and videos he had taken with many of China’s top female celebrities. Over 1,000 sexy shots were stolen off his computer while it was being repaired and then posted online, creating a surge in internet activity all across Asia.