Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week’s “Doin’ It With Dr. V” was inspired by a letter I received from a lady who just doesn’t know how to switch things up with her man who has a specific regimen for getting off. So, I’ve got some tips for her on how to get him to cross the finish line—and in record time! As for the rest of you, keep those letters coming. You know I just love to read your smut too! To send me a question or suggest a topic for a future “Doin’ It With Dr. V,” email me!

If a woman knows how to suck a Popsicle, she’s halfway to being a fellatio expert. But what prepares a man for going down on a woman? Like most women, we’ve had the unfortunate experience of being with a guy who is willing to go down but has no idea what he’s doing when he gets there. Tell him? Well, we didn’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s hard to talk about sex when you’re in the middle of it. After the jump, women reveal what they really want.

Valentine’s Day is about sharing your love. Forget the usual cheesy crap and give holiday favors you can enjoy as a couple. Here are our favorite present picks for pairs who want to get frisky and give each other the gift that keeps on giving …

Beyond those “Boogie Nights” and the rise of video, internet porn has really been putting the lick in click. Still, there seems to be something missing from porn—good old-fashioned making out. Susan Walsh asks: “Is Porn Changing The Way We Kiss?” Sucking face is an essential part of lovemaking, baby! So, we decide to ask Joanna Angel, the punk rock porn star and female founder of BurningAngel.com, why there isn’t a lot of kissing in porn.

Blow jobs are overrated. There. I said it. I know men who would fight a grizzly bear with a spork for a little mouth love. I also know women who guard their oral sexing technique the way a pharmaceutical company protects its most precious patents. But I’m just not a dude who loves blow jobs. I’m an active guy, when it comes to being intimate with a woman, and laying back and letting her go down on me has always felt passive to me. Disconnected. As if I could lean back and read the Economist or slurp a bowl of soup while being, uhhh, serviced. 

Some women would be thrilled to have a guy who didn’t want head, ever, but not me. I knew one guy was not going to be a match when he gently pushed my mouth away when I moved to go down on him, saying, “That’s okay; I don’t usually come that way anyway.” To me, that was all the more reason to try! But he wasn’t offering up the statement as the start of a conversation; that was it. I didn’t bother expressing my disappointment, just vowed not to go home with him again.

According to a new study, HPV is moving on up…to mouths!  That’s right, just when you thought Gardasil and Cervarix solved all your problems, now you have to worry about what else you’ve been opening wide.  Since the ‘70s. throat cancer cases have doubled, and the research shows HPV is to blame, with 39% of all occurrences caused by the human papilloma virus. Before you go cutting your man off from his favorite foreplay, listen to this: men are 35% more likely than women to develop oral cancer from HPV. Sheesh, making a new man go downtown may be riskier than you both think!  Still, there’s more bad news—as of yet, there is no way to test male genitalia for HPV or anyone’s throat to see if they’re a carrier.  So, it’s a roll of the dice and doctors fear you may even be able to contract the virus from kissing. There goes all the fun! Since this throat cancer link is a new revelation, the cervical cancer vaccines haven’t been tested or proven to prevent it. So, deep throat, you might want to use a condom for oral sex or just give that random stranger a handy and call it a night! [ABC News]

We’re all for a nude scene in a movie, but there are some we just want to forget. Check out our list of the Top Ten after the jump, and let us know any we might have missed!

“My boyfriend is uncircumcised and super sensitive when I give him oral. I do enjoy giving head most of the time and I’ve honestly never received any complaints from previous boyfriends.  However, I just haven’t found quite the right maneuver that completely blows his mind (no pun intended). Do you have any suggestions?”—In Need Of Technique, via email

“I’ve recently begun a relationship with a man that started out as a friendship.  We know a lot about each other and have taken time getting to the sack.  ‘K’ was born in England and therefore was not circumcised.  What do I need to know about going down on an uncircumcised man? Help!  We are so ready to go there but I’m afraid of… well, I don’t know what I’m afraid of!”—Not Sure What To Do With A Turtleneck, via email

We love sex. You love sex. Well, that’s out of the way.

Seeing as we’re both in agreement over the importance of sex, the excitement of sex, the giggle-inducing, gasp-inspiring, slow-motion tsunami of gooseflesh-triggering awesomeness of sex, we can move on to why it is we can’t really talk about S-E-X.

Women think men are mysterious when it comes to knocking boots, or worse, single-minded and simplistic. We’re not. You’re mysterious, and that’s not playground rhetoric. The difference between what we want and what you want, our needs and yours, is the difference between banal home theater instruction manuals and more exotic hieroglyphics.

“I hate giving blow jobs, but my boyfriend loves them. How can we compromise?”—Not Into Head, via email

Sssssshhh!!! Are there any boys around you right now?? Did anybody hear you?? I hope for your sake there aren’t, because if that sentiment got around, you might as well have a scarlet letter on your shirt.

Lemme clue you in to something: EVERY MAN LOVES BLOW JOBS. Your boyfriend is not lying. So you know what that means? You+blowjobs=new best friends.

“Do any guys NOT enjoy oral sex? Do they enjoy it more than actual sex?—Seeking Sucking Stats, Duck, NC

A guy that doesn’t like oral sex is like a monkey not liking bananas. If they ever found one, they’d put it in a museum instead of a zoo. Very few people (girls and guys) don’t like oral sex. I mean, who doesn’t want to sit back and relax while someone else does all the work? But that doesn’t mean we want oral sex all of the time. I’d say guys prefer an 80-20 ratio of sex to blow jobs.

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall people in a single bound….no it’s not Superman. It’s super bacterium gonorrhea! The microscopic crotch grabber is the strongest organism on the planet and much like promiscuous lovers, it can pull more than its fair share of tail, or, in this case, pili.  Forget about bending steel, these little bacteria buggers can drag 100,000 times their body weight which is basically like a human hauling 22 million pounds of crap (or Carrie Bradshaw’s shoe rack). 

“Is there a secret to being awesome at oral sex? I’m not sure if I’m doing it well, and I’m not about to discuss my technique with my friends.”—Needing Lessons, Santa Fe, NM

The real secret to oral sex that nobody ever talks about is that you have to be into it! You know how passionate you get about buying shoes or watching the latest episode of America’s Next Top Model? Put that same gleeful cheer into fellatio, and you’ll have your guy going through the roof.

With that said, there’s a few “tricks of the trade” (I totally sound like a hooker) that will spice up the average beej. My favorites, after the jump…

When you’re a struggling actor, getting cast in a commercial is a big deal. But when you go on to become a teacher and the commercial gets posted on YouTube and discovered by your students, it’s an even bigger deal. Especially when your “acting” means pretending to do it on a desk. British teacher Sarah Greene has been suspended from her job because of her participation in a racy commercial for a clothing company years ago. We think the commercial is kind of amazing—plus, she advocates safe sex in the ad by pulling out a condom. [The Daily Mirror]