Penises have caused many people to do many things.  In the case of construction, builders keep on raising the bar, inch by inch!  While most people look up at these buildings in awe, we’re pretty sure the architects looked down at their crotches for inspiration. In honor of the structures that remind us of our boyfriends, here are The Seven Phallic Wonders of The Modern World.

I’ve always found it funny that as the Brazilian—and I’m talking waxing here, people—has became more popular among women, it’s beards, mustaches, and facial scruffiness that has become more in vogue for men. I can’t help but wonder why the women of my generation are hacking off their bushes while the men are letting their face hair grow wild. I’ll admit it. I’m a victim of pubic hair peer pressure. I mean, if you go to the beach, you have to go “there.” Once, I even had a waxident. However, now that I can put my bikini back in storage, I’m wondering, as a single lady on the loose, what the social obligations are to my crotch? I bet if we ask those non-manscaping guys if they’re going to start shaving as we back off waxing, we’ll find a hairy double standard.

Every free market has a wide range of available goods. The same holds true for men and their penises. Because it’s important to know what’s out there in phalluses, after the jump are the top ten penis types you’re bound to encounter on the road to Mr. Right Member.

The boys are back in town! The guys of “Entourage,” that is. I’ve spent the last two Sundays demanding silence at ten o’clock.  What can I say? I love testosterone TV. So why does a girly girl like me, who watches “Gossip Girl” and “90210,” have so much love for “bros before hos” shows? Find out after the jump.

The next best thing to having your own wedding is getting invited to one by your boyfriend. There’s something about a man who wants you on his arm at a celebration of love—with the added lubricant of an open bar. So when my boyfriend Mike asked me to be his date to his friend’s big day, I was so excited I nearly went into debt over a pricey cheese plate present and a new dress with matching lingerie—not that I planned on keeping it all on that night.

Right Wing News, a conservative political blog, interviewed six women who’ve dated both liberals and conservative men and asked them about their differences. The overall majority seemed to think liberal men were whiny and arrogant. One woman said, “Liberals were always happy to suggest we split the check; it must be some Clintonian socialist entitlement. They also tend to own clothing displaying their irrational fear of Dick Cheney, and/or love for Che Guevara. They are the shaggy haired, greasy hipster types you find loitering in the Apple Store.” I laughed out loud at this because I totally know what kind of dude she’s talking about and his name is My Brother. Anyway, this series of interviews amused me and got me thinking about the real differences between conservative guys and liberal guys, if you try and take away your own personal bias and disagreements on “the issues”.

When it comes to erectile dysfunction, Finnish researchers have found that the “use it or loose it” principle holds true. Published in the July issue of The American Journal of Medicine, a study from the Department of Urology at Tampere University examined almost 1000 men between the ages of 55 and 75.  They concluded that men who said they didn’t have sex once a week were twice as likely to develop penis problems. And if you boned three or more times a week, your chances of going limp in your golden years dropped to 1%.  While the docs also discovered that the frequency of morning wood played an important part in predicting ED, nothing is more integral than intercourse.  Science has proved there’s just no substitute for good ol’ fashioned fornication. [Mediline Plus]

On Friday, May 30th, shoe stores will be empty, makeup counters customerless, salons won’t have a hair to do, and every man in America will be single for a few hours. It’s opening night of the Sex and the City movie!  While looking at all the ads alone can increase your levels of estrogen, and thereby your need for a cosmo, what are the men to do when they have the whole world—sans movie theaters—in the palm of their hands? 

At first when I saw this line of padded butt boxers for men, I was convinced it was one of those underwear sites for gay men that also make weird contraptions that cradle the balls. After all, every gay man I know has been a little more interested in having a pert bum for, you know, obvious reasons, than any of my straight guy friends. But apparently, I was wrong. These babies are for men of all sexual preferences. This makes me sad for a number of reasons. Have men become so obsessed with their bodies that they actually worry so about having the perfect apple bottom that they’re willing to wear padding? And why on earth would he want a butt this bubblicious? The mind boggles. [Bottoms Up via DeVore & Diana]

The “Modern Love” column in this Sunday’s New York Times was about a woman who dates a musician who has a kid with a woman he briefly dated. The guy turns out to be a bit of a child himsef, but the whole piece got me thinking about whether I would be down for dating a dude with a kid (specifically if I didn’t have any kids of my own). I think I would be fine with it, considering I am such a sucker for the little ones, but what about you? If you were a single woman who didn’t have kids, would you date a guy who had a child of his own? [Modern Love: Was I On A Date Or Babysitting?]

“Do any guys NOT enjoy oral sex? Do they enjoy it more than actual sex?—Seeking Sucking Stats, Duck, NC

A guy that doesn’t like oral sex is like a monkey not liking bananas. If they ever found one, they’d put it in a museum instead of a zoo. Very few people (girls and guys) don’t like oral sex. I mean, who doesn’t want to sit back and relax while someone else does all the work? But that doesn’t mean we want oral sex all of the time. I’d say guys prefer an 80-20 ratio of sex to blow jobs.

“What are some hot spots on guys’ bodies?”—Hand Me A Map, Athens, GA

I don’t know if you know this, but an area called “the penis” is a definite hot spot on a guy. Usually licking, stroking, or inserting this area makes the guy go CRAZY.
Aside from that, there are a few other key areas on the male physique…

We’ve heard some dumb things said on Dr. Phil, but his recent guest Dick Masterson takes the cake. Trust us, his name is no misnomer. He’s the chauvinist who runs MenAreBettertThanWomen.com and he goes around spouting gems like, “How is prostitution illegal but alimony isn’t? They’re basically the same thing.  You’re paying for the whore to leave.” Honestly, how much would it cost to get rid of him? We’ll start chipping in immediately. [YouTube]

Remember your class pet from grade school?  You always liked that stinky little communal fuzz ball, but then when it was your turn to look after it over the weekend, that’s when it truly wormed its way into your heart. Something about taking care of something or someone makes you love it. It’s the same principle that makes parents love their children or you love that boyfriend who needs you. When you invest time, energy, and concern, you are wrapping up your heart with a bow and giving it to them. With that equation of giving equals loving in mind, you can make your man your bitch and live like a princess too—just like all those demanding girls who score the hot nice guys!

In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit that I have always been hyper-OCD about certain sounds causing me mental distress. For example, when someone has a cold, the sound of them sniffing obsessively makes me inwardly homicidal. Likewise, a running toilet puts me on the precipice of madness. So when my fiance suddenly became a snorer three years and eight months into our relationship, I couldn’t just call it a dealbreaker and bail—we live together and share a dog, so we can’t break up over the fact that his midnight sinus warbling are freaking killing me.

“Some guys can have sex several times in a row, while others need a few hours in between sessions. What might account for this variation, and is there a way for guys to make it so that they can increase not only stamina during sex, but decrease the amount of recovery time they need in between sessions?”—Ready For Another Round, Boston, MA

The better men eat, the better their stamina. Getting an erection (and using it) takes a lot of nutrients and blood, so men should eat lots of healthy whole grain carbs to provide energy. Zinc (which helps produce testosterone and sperm) is a good supplement to take, but you can also find it in lots of different seafoods, peas and lentils.

One time, over a very awkward lunch, my mom told me my dad took the “blue pill” (Viagra), and went on for hours over and over again. I can’t describe it, but the look on her face was not a smile. Still, if you’re not interested in trying the natural route, you can always suggest that your partner take a prescription supplement. Or, if you’re cheap, that Horny Goat Weed they sell at the corner deli.

She may play an awesome bitch on TV, but Curb Your Enthusiasm‘s Susie Essman told Animal Fair magazine that you can tell how awesome a man is in bed based on his bitch—that is, his dog.

Crap. My dog Lucca is a mutt, but we (Note: That is, myself and my boyfriend, who parents her with me—and yes I said parent. Deal with it.) are pretty sure she’s probably a mix of Italian Greyhound (known for loving the attention of people), Jack Russell (hyper, much?), and, gulp, Beagle. This begs the question: If a man owns a Beagle with a woman, does that mean they both suck in bed? Catherine and I discuss the issue, after the jump.

If your boyfriend’s a bad driver—hell, even if your cabbie seems to think he’s auditioning for future installment of The Fast and the Furious—just start talking about your glorious Cover Girl Continuous Color Lipstick in Mauvelicious. Or the new chairs Design Within Reach Chairs you’re lusting over. A study by German and Swedish researchers showed that men drove slower when they heard neutral or feminine words, rather than manly stuff like “beard” and “muscles.” Just don’t start talking to him about really girly stuff, like the black lace bra you’re wearing, because then he might drive right off the road. [Sydney Morning Herald]