This new ad for MAC Cosmetics is a surreal, kinky take on Alice in Wonderland, featuring a trip through a (ahem) pink tunnel that takes Alice into a faraway land, where she gets molested by a roving gang of shirtless, male, SM-styled Hello Kitties. Well, then! Apparently, the four-minute, outre mini-movie is a tie-in to the new Hello Kitty-MAC collaboration. This time around, though, Hello Kitty goes black, and the product line includes Hello Kitty “kitten-eyes,” crosshatched fake eyelashes, Hello Kitty On the Prowl platinum nail polish, and a Hello Kitty plush doll in black pleather. Clearly, all things Alice in Wonderland are looking to be the new new thing. Tim Burton is at work on a live action/stop motion new movie version of Lewis Carroll’s novel, starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, and Anne Hathaway. Who knows if Burton’s redux will be quite so fetishistic as this.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. Am I supposed to take this Angelina Jolie lipstick and stick it in my mouth? And Brad Pitt, too? For some reason, these micro-sculpted lipsticks of the heads of the Two Greatest Celebrities of Our Time make me want to bite off their craniums. But maybe that’s just me. Feelunique.com has teamed up with artist Willard Wigan to create these micro-lip-stars, which are being sold on eBay to raise money for breast cancer awareness. It’s an homage to the “most kissable couple” for Valentine’s Day, apparently. Frankly, I don’t know if either one of these busts looks like Brad or Angie. Brad looks more like some depressed businessman debating whether or not to throw himself out the window. Angie looks like she caught a really strong headwind. And God knows what they’d look like after you used them. Or maybe you’re not supposed to use them. Just stick ‘em in the fridge or something. Who knows! It’s for charity. So, I guess, that’s, like, a good thing. So far, the top bid is £205, or $303. [Feelunique.com]

Most little girls (and even some boys!) have a moment where they play in mom’s makeup, pretending to be a grown-up woman.  But is the reverse true as well: do grown women like to play in makeup that looks to be for little girls?

Barbie for Stila, featuring makeup mimicking Barbie’s looks over the past half-century appeared in January. Blue Smurf makeup for Too Faced also came in January and a Hello Kitty collection from M.A.C. — a pink kitty adorns all-black makeup cases — debuts this February.

I love the Smurfs and Barbie as much as the next girl, but what’s up with all the cartoon characters on makeup? And what’s next? Care Bear-inspired pastel nail polish? Strawberry Shortcake red lip gloss? Dare I even suggest orange Garfield eyeshadow?  Help me make sense of all this kitsch, after the jump….

“Who’s She” red, “Hollywood Nights” hot pink,  “Mauve-lous Memories”—clever names for makeup colors are supposed to seduce you into buying cosmetics. Sadly, some manufacturers have completely missed the mark and named their goods badly. While Wendy pointed out some clothing items have become fashion victims because of their uncool names, here’s a round up of the ugliest names for beauty products…

We’re so used to the chemical fumes in the nail salon that we didn’t think a natural nail polish was possible. But PeaceKeeper Cause-Metics proved us wrong. Its nail polish has been ranked the safest paint-based natural nail polish, and all profits after taxes are used to support women’s health advocacy and human rights issues. You’re helping a good cause by purchasing these products, but the names of the polish also inspire you to be your best person. We’re craving “Paint Me Forgiving,” a golden beige, and “Paint Me Grateful,” a luscious berry. And since several of the polishes are vegan, there’s no excuse not to pamper yourself. [$10, PeaceKeeper Cause-Metics]

Benefit’s versatile Benetint stain has long been one of our favorite beauty products, mainly because it makes our cheeks look nice and rosy, like we just spent a couple hours sledding in Vermont. It’s supposed to work wonders on lips, too, but when we tried it once, the brush tickled us too much. That’s why the new Benetint Lip Balm is perfect. The tinted lip balm comes in a pot, so you use your finger to apply it, and it contains vitamin E and sunscreen. Now, if only someone would kiss us. [$20, Benefit]

Haven’t changed your cosmetic case in a while? We bet it’s pretty yucky in there, what with the eyeliner remnants and goops of lip gloss. Since a cosmetic case can get pretty funky, our main requirement is that it’s lined in vinyl, like these from Toss Designs. But it has to be pretty, too. These cases are constructed of leopard-print pony hair. We’ve seen other accessories made of pony hair, but never a cosmetic case. They’re so chic we might carry the larger one as a clutch. [$48, Luggage Online]

Beauty brand NARS is raising safe sex awareness with two new cosmetic kits that come in handy when it comes to sex. The “Safer Set” includes two NARS condoms imprinted with “PREVENTION IS THE CURE” and a popular cream stick face highlighter in Multiple in Orgasm color. The “Safest Set” includes the same highlighter and a small black book promoting abstinence that gives you a list of ways you can just say no to the boys. A portion of the sales from both products go to amFAR’s global safe sex education initiative, so whether or not you’re doing it, you’ll be looking good and doing good. NARS has a long history of uniting sex and cosmetics. Lip colors come in Promiscuous, Manhunt, and Orgasm.

This week, Ellen DeGeneres was announced as the new face of CoverGirl. While I’m a big fan of the very out and very outspoken talk show host, I feel a little uneasy about where CoverGirl is really coming from with their latest cover girl choice. Without a doubt, DeGeneres is likable, quirky, relatable—heck, she’s even “easy breezy.” But hawking a major cosmetics brand? I don’t know. To me, it feels gimmicky and phony, like a marketing ploy, in the same way the Dove campaign for “real beauty” did. As it turned out, Dove airbrushed those real women into oblivion. I didn’t buy that Dove ever thought real women with real cellulite and real curves were really beautiful. Nor do I buy that CoverGirl really thinks Ellen is representative of their very airbrushed All-American girl image. I mean, it’d be one thing if she were a lipstick lesbian, but does Ellen even like makeup? Maybe she does. Maybe she doesn’t. But I’m willing to bet she’s not hung up on it. Color me cynical, but using unconventional beauty to sell products designed to bring women closer to the ideal standard of conventional beauty just seems disingenuous to me. So what do you think?

Because your lashes are jealous that they never got their own vibrator, this winter Lancôme will introduce Ôscillation, a new mascara that provides a 360-degree coat of product around each and every lash, courtesy of a vibrating brush that pulsates 7,000 times per minute (if only your boyfriend was that skilled….). Sounds kinda scary, we know, but you’ll get used to it – especially after you check out the porn star lashes it delivers. At $34, it’s a relatively inexpensive way to pump yourself – er, I mean your lashes…yeah, your lashes! - up.  [$34, Lancome-USA.com]

The number of men who wear makeup seems to be picking up a bit, thanks to famous guys like Zac Efron and Pete Wentz, who probably have cosmetic bags of their own in their bathrooms (as opposed to “borrowing” their gal pals’ products). Some people think it’s okay for guys to use a little concealer to cover up the occasional blemish, but it seems to be going a bit farther than that. “It looks really gay—and I’m a gay boy,” hair and make-up artist Bradwyn Jones told the Sydney Morning Herald “It looks a bit drag. Give a guy a license to put it on and they’ll be heavy-handed.”

In my life, I’ve only known a few guys who wear makeup, and there’s been a spectrum of intensity. One male friend of mine uses a moisturizer with self-tanner, but it looks natural and not at all orange or makeup-y on him, as he’s normally darker anyway. And then in high school, one of my friends who had lovely blue eyes wore mascara regularly to draw attention to them, and I think when he went out, he would even put on a subtle amount of eyeliner or eyeshadow. [Sydney Morning Herald]

Some people celebrate Easter by going to brunch. Others hunt for plastic eggs. And then there are those who participate in the San Francisco Easter Sunday “Hunky Jesus” competition. Above is 2007’s chosen one. Essentially, the competition, officiated by gay charity group Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, requires men to parade around in rags, and one is honored as the most attractive “Jesus.” Click through this slideshow from Sunday’s competition, and you might notice a trend: eyeliner. Did Jesus wear makeup?

Have you ever dreamed that you slept with your father? Or rode a mechanical bull while a coworker watched? We have and were disturbed for months. Fortunately, dreams don’t always mean what you think they do, and having sex with your father is nothing to worry about, so long as it only happens in your subconscious. Here, we ask psychologist Veronica Tonay, Ph.D. to decode your crazy dreams each and every week, so that you can sleep at night, and dream some more.

THE DREAM IN QUESTION: I was a guest co-host on The View. I had to go on in 30 seconds, but I was naked and wasn’t wearing any makeup. And Rosie (yes, I realize she’s no longer on the show) was like, “GET ON SET OR ELSE!” I was terrified.  —In The Nude On National TV, New York, NY