We’ve seen some cuh-razy footwear on the red carpet lately—some cool, some hideous, all totally painful to wear. After the jump, eight pairs that would make our dogs bark. The pain would just be worth it for some.

After months of rumors that Madonna had been making sexy time with big city baseball star A-Rod, she and Guy Ritchie finally announced their divorce. Then, their son together, Rocco, was just spotted wearing a New York Yankees shirt. Yowza! But no boo-hooing for Guy, because just a couple days later, papa’s got a brand new bag. But the leading lady of his rebound, Kelly Reilly, has us all asking, “Who’s that Girl?” And how does she stack up against Madonna? Check out their stats, after the jump…

A certain amount of meanness can come out during a breakup, it’s only natural—perhaps you clean the toilet with his favorite T-shirt—but some people take it way too far. The Madonna/Guy Ritchie divorce is the perfect example of a celebrity split getting nasty. Yesterday I noted that it was pretty crappy of Madge to outfit her son with Ritchie, Rocco, in a Yankees t-shirt, considering her new BF is Yankees player Alex Rodriguez and she was apparently having spiritually sexual relations with him pre-split. Ritchie thought it was crappy too! According to Us Weekly, he’s “in pieces” after seeing his son in the shirt and “he’s actually been crying over it.”

Of course, if the rumors about their marriage are true, Ritchie may have had a little nastiness coming—he supposedly said that sleeping next to Madonna was like “cuddling up to a piece of gristle.” Oh wait, HA HA, that’s funny and probably true. Whatever. The behavior of these two is nothing new in Tinseltown. After the jump, nasty breakup behavior tips from some of the worst splits in Hollywood.

Looks like Guy Ritchie has already gotten his rebound.  So much for our suggestions—the director has decided to dip his ink in the company pool.  Ritchie’s been seen canoodling with the leading lady from his forthcoming film, “Sherlock Holmes,” Kelly Reilly. How cheap!  Seriously, can’t he shag someone who isn’t on the payroll?! Although, he was on Madonna’s for seven years…one would have thought he’d learned his lesson. It’s elementary, my dear Guy. [LA Times]

Last night, just hours after confirming her divorce, Madonna, who was performing to a sold out crowd in Boston, dedicated a song to Guy Ritchie. However, the track “Miles Away,” a little ditty based on their strained, career-based long distance relationship, wasn’t exactly a thank you for all the good times. Madonna set it up by saying, “This song is for the emotionally retarded. You may know a few people like that. God knows I do.” Ouch! Poor Guy, no one deserves to be dragged through the mud, and the media, by their ex.

I have to admit, despite my complete Madonna worship, I empathize with the dude. In relationships, I often have a hard time communicating my feelings even if I really care about the person. Ew, just writing “my feelings” makes me squirm. So, while that attitude will probably keep me a bachelorette and make Guy Ritchie rich from his divorce settlement (supposedly there’s no pre-nup!), maybe, just maybe, I can save you some time. Under the guise of “it takes one to know one”, here are Five Signs You’re Dating Someone Emotionally Stupid, after the jump…

With Guy Ritchie and Madonna making their divorce plans official, you know that ho (as always) is going to turn to music to get her through it. Since she’s supposedly has A-rod waiting in the wings, her recovery period will probably only last a couple pop songs. Luckily, Madge won’t even have to search for tunes to express how she feels, since she already sings them!  So here is our suggestions for Madonna’s Break Up Playlist featuring songs by Madonna.

“You need so much but not from me/Turn your back in my hour of need/ Something’s wrong but you pretend you don’t see/ I think I interrupt your life/ When you laugh, it cuts me just like a knife/ I’m not your friend, I’m just your little wife.”—”Till Death Do Us Part” from “Like A Prayer”
This song from 1988 (during her marriage to Sean Penn) is all about a wife wishing her husband loved her more. Sigh, unlike the empowering hit on this record, “Express Yourself,”  which encourages a woman with “don’t go for second best, baby!” This song, a mere 2 tracks down, has the woman going back to her blasé husband.  Is there still a future for Madonna and Guy? Or will Madonna follow her own advice and “do much better baby on your own?”

Well, it’s official. Madonna’s longtime publicist, Liz Rosenberg, confirmed in an email to the Associated Press that the mega-star and her director husband, Guy Ritchie, are splitting up after rumors of marital strife for years. Rumor has it that Madonna and Alex Rodriguez are indeed romantically involved, but we’re kind of wondering who Ritchie will date now that his eight year marriage is kaput. The pair are aiming to have the divorce finalized by Christmas—who should Ritchie set his sights on for 2009? We have a few ideas….

She’s lookin’ so pregs, and boho, and windblown! [Madonna’s “Filth & Wisdom” premiere, New York City, 10/13/08]

While every girl wants to stop traffic, Italian women are being accused of causing car accidents because they’re so damn sexy.  Due to these ridiculous claims, the governments in Rome, Milan, and Florence have just passed laws decreeing that women dress and act more modestly. The legislation states that women must refrain from “adopting poses or behavior or wearing clothing that unequivocally manifest the intention to solicit or practice the activity of prostitution.” Say what?! That sounds like the pervs are blaming the wrong people—i.e. anyone but themselves.  But the government maintains that they’re cracking down on clothing to curb streetwalkers. So what are working girls doing in these difficult times for advertising their goods?  The world’s oldest profession is pulling one over on “the man” by taking up a new habit—literally. All the hookers have banded together and begun to wear nuns’ uniforms. Ha! Pia Covre, of the Committee for the Rights of Prostitutes, explained, “The idea of wearing gowns or habits down to the feet is to confront the decrees which limit even the freedom of what you can wear.” Ironically, now these whores are sticking it to the foolish Madonna complex.  We like their sense of style!
[Telegraph]