As I’m sure you’re well aware, there are many good reasons to have sex. In fact, sometimes you don’t need any reason at all—other than, say, loving your partner.

However, sometimes a lady finds herself doing all the right things for all the wrong reasons. That’s what we’re here to cover. So if you find yourself in any of the following situations, please extricate yourself as quickly as possible:

Revenge: The most popular very-wrong reason to have sex, revenge sex never ends well. Hooking up with his best friend because you’re angry at your boyfriend will get you nowhere. If you do manage to break up their friendship, then you’re stuck with an untrustworthy dude (if he did it to him, he’ll do it to you). Even worse, there’s always the (strong) possibility that he went right back and told his buddy and the two of them are now comparing notes over high-fives and hot wings.

My parents always told me that dorks would make better husband.  At 22, I can’t say that I’m ready to weigh on in who is the best husband material, but I will definitely agree that dorks deserve some loving.  Especially the ones who have made my Top Ten most lovable dorks list…feel free to add your own in the comments!

10. Jason Segel as Peter Bretter in Forgetting Sarah Marshall First of all, can we say full-frontal nudity?  This guy has balls…no pun intended.  His sexy TV star girlfriend (Kristen Bell) kicks him to the curb and he treks to Hawaii to mend his heart only to run into her and her new lover.  He sticks it out, showing some courage and meets a new hottie along the way.  Peter Bretter is a sensitive, loving fella who definitely won major points by the end of this film.

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.  Whether he’s a handsome stranger you don’t want to lead to the promise land or your boyfriend trying to gorge on girlfriend pie, here’s how to just say “Later lover.”

Sterilization Screw-Up A simple birth control slip up could cause penis pandemonium.  No dude wants to accidentally make a baby just because he wants to make sweet love.  So, just say you forgot to take the pill and would rather not risk it right now. He’ll probably thank you for protecting both of you!

The music industry is dominated by men, so it’s no wonder there’s about 10 bazillion songs all about wiener and not so many about vagina. But I found 11 amazing songs that truly spew pure poetry about patsy, yoni, punani, dew flaps, sugar basin, jam cookie, or whatever else you wanna call it.

I enjoy a good snoop—when I’m in a house that’s not my own, I have been known to rifle through a drawer or two, check out the medicine cabinet, and try on the owner’s clothing (including a wedding dress once). A few months ago, when my fiance was out of town, I went through all his photos of him with his ex-girlfriend. Sometimes, if he leaves his laptop on and his email is up there on the screen just BEGGING for me to take a looksie, I’ll glance, but never actually open anything. Then again, I have never seen anything that got my curiosity brewing beyond control.

The point is, everyone snoops, at least a little, and no one more so than the protagonist of the book I’m reading, Whacked by Jules Asner. It’s chick lit, but it’s not crappy or badly written, though it’s definitely beach-worthy. In the book, Dani uses her skills as a writer for CSI-esque crime show to snoop on everyone from the owners of the open houses she attends to her no-good boyfriend. I have to say, I was pretty impressed with her tactics and tips, as well as some of the handy online tools she used, so I decided to assemble a guide to snooping, after the jump. Don’t blame me if you get caught red-handed though. I am hardly a professional.

I once dated someone that had a thing for pretty feet. It didn’t really bother me because he usually only admired my feet. But sometimes, especially in the summer, he would introduce me to someone and ask, “Doesn’t she have pretty feet?” This would freak me out because beauty is subjective and I didn’t want so-and-so thinking, “Uh, not really.” So today, I came across this really funny diagram of sexual fetishes and started thinking about the ones that aren’t too bad and the ones that would totally freak me out. [Cracked via Tango]

This is by no means the end all, be all list of sexually-charged food metaphors in popular music, but it is a list of our favorites. Please add any others you can think of in the comments! So, anyone hungry for, say, some hot peas and butter?

10. “B-Boy, where the f**k you at?/I been looking for your ass since a quarter past/Hot peas and butter, baby, come and get your supper/Before I make you suffer/That’s when you had enough/Can I get hot when you hit the jackpot?/Surely I can, if you the man/I get loose and produce large amounts of juice.” – “Keep On Keepin’ On”, MC Lyte

Last night, our own “Mind of Man” columnist was trying to tell me that couples moving in together was the kiss of death for their relationship. I think he’s crazy—always, always, always move in together before you commit to marriage, trust me!—but it did get me thinking about what some real kiss of death moments are for couples. Check out “15 Signs You’re Headed For Bed Death”, after the jump. Just don’t be mad at us if you decide to dump your boyfriend as a result.

On the occasions where we have the mental concentration to actually put on music when we’re getting down and dirty in the sack, there’s some music that always helps tickle us below the belt. After the jump are 15 songs that really get us going—for those times when we’re in the mood for it slow and sweet and those times when our neighbors complain about all the racket. Our boys at Asylum compiled a similar list of songs that dudes love to do you to—wonder if there’s any similarities…

Having been around the block….over and over again, we thought we had heard it all when it came to male sexual fantasies. So, when Men’s Health Magazine posted an article with the title “8 Monumental Sex Experiences You Must Have”, we figured at least one was anal. But much to our surprise, the choices were actually kind of, well, sweet. Number One is “wedding night sex”.  Really? Aww. The top choices go on to include ways to at least recreate similar situations to the “first time”, “Honey-I’m-Home”, “breakup”, “birthday”, and “baby-making” sex. Needless to say, we learned a few things from the list. After the jump, a couple tips men suggest that will wow you…

Writing a song about self love isn’t as easy as it sounds, I imagine. How do you pen a tune about masturbation that doesn’t sound obvious or conjure up disturbing images? The following artists did it right, in no particular order (and check out clips of the songs, after the jump).

9. “And when my hand touches myself/I can finally rest my head/And when they take from his body/I think I’ll take from mine instead/Getting off, getting off while they’re all downstairs.”—Tori Amos, “Icicle”
Lyrical analysis isn’t my forte, but it seems like Tori is saying she’s diddling herself while her man’s funeral is going on downstairs. Scandalous!

Summertime is all about summer lovin’. How do you go get you some?  By getting out of town.  Here’s how we get frisky on vacation.

1. Destination Comfortable Make sure your partner is into the vacation. Don’t drag your date to someplace they’d complain about, like taking a meat and potatoes guy to a vegan spa. You both want to be at ease, so you’ll be easy.

Think a summer getaway translates to an emptying of your wallet? Not necessarily. With a bit of research, some advance planning, and the following tips you can enjoy high times on a low budget this summer and beyond.

1. Train by travel. With gas prices on the rise again, and the cost of plane tickets not any better, trade in your car for an old-fashioned trip on a locomotive. Take a long weekend journey through New England, along California’s southern coast, aboard Canada’s famed Rocky Mountaineer, or else hop the cross-country Amtrak that will transport you from one ocean to another in less than a week.

In honor of Independence Day, we asked around for the best things about being single and independent. Here’s the top ten!

10. HOOKING UP
“Kissing total strangers when you’re out at bars or on dance floors. No names, no numbers exchanged, just random frenching.”—Sonia
“Ahh, guiltless, shameless flirting with strangers.”—Jocelyn

10. “Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth/Blowing down the backroads headin’ south/Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your teeth/You’re an idiot, babe/It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.”—Bob Dylan, “Idiot Wind”

Girls making out, faux lesbianism, Girls Gone Wild spectacles are kind of de rigeur it seems like, but it’s harder than you’d think to find actual songs about girls hooking up that aren’t written by lesbian musicians like The Indigo Girls. I delved deep into the interweb in search of the most salacious lyrics about ladies being hot for other ladies. The top five starts off with:

5. “I kissed a girl/Her lips were sweet/She was just like kissing me/Kissed a girl won’t change the world/But I’m so glad/I kissed a girl!”—Jill Sobule, “Kissed A Girl”
Was this pre-Girls Gone Wild? I’m not sure, but either way, the song is rather carefree and fun, though I swear I cannot tell Jill from her mid-90s counterparts Tracy Bonham and Joan Osbourne. Anyway, is kissing a girl really like making out with yourself? I don’t think so. My one experience kissing a girl was terrible though, so what do I know?

I totally love Gigwise’s list of the Top 50 Dirtiest Album Covers. There was the stuff that automatically to mind, like The Rolling Stones’ Sticky Fingers, 2 Live Crew’s As Nasty As They Wanna Be, and The Black Crowes’ Amorica but then the list also had some we totally forgot about. RATT’s Invasion Of Your Privacy! Prince’s Lovesexy! Bob Geldof’s Sex, Age & Death! But my personal favorite has to be Lords Of Acid’s Crab Louse, an album seemingly named after pubic lice.

There’s a reason why it’s called “French” kissing. The following will have you speaking in tongues (literally) in no time.

5. Want to faire l’amour in style? The French Lesson Panty Set from Kiki de Montparnasse will teach your lover how to whisper sweet (naughty) nothings into your ear. Inscribed on the back of each pair of underwear, you’ll find French translations of sexy acts like “F**k me” (“Baise moi”). [Set of five, $295]

5. “My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer/He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller/He takes his time and does everything right/Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night/He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush/And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch”—Salt ‘N’ Pepa featuring En Vogue, “Whatta Man”, Very Necessary
This is, like, the ultimate man objectification song. Remember how awesome the video was, with Pepa in the bathtub? I wish Salt could get it together so there could be a real reunion.