How is Jon Gosselin getting so much action? I didn’t think it was possible for America to transfer their sympathy from emasculated Jon to heinous shebeast Kate Gosselin, but it’s happened. He’s been boppin’ from bed to bed and taking his tramps all around the world. He’s really proving how lame he is. Don’t let a guy like him happen to you! Check out this list of telltale signs you’re dating a loser. 

The recession has been blamed for a ton of things, from an increase in sex work to a decrease in the fabulousness of Fashion Week (and pretty much everything in between). But, to its credit, the recession has also produced some very welcome casualties, like the imminent death of those awful Crocs...and Hummers (and at least 12 other terrible things). After the jump, 15 more things we wish the recession would get rid of.

With 11 days left until my wedding, the final countdown is in effect. Among the dozens of little things left on my to-do list, I’ve been thinking a lot about the things crossed off my to-do list long before I met my husband to-be — things that have made me a well-rounded, experienced woman ready for a lifetime commitment to another person. After the jump, 20 things every woman should cross off her list before getting married.

Ever since word got out earlier this week that scientists have figured out how to create synthetic sperm from embryonic stem cells, people have been fantasizing what a world without men might be like. I don’t get it — would synthetic sperm only create girl babies? And why would any of us want a world with no men anyway? Who would carry our heavy luggage up the stairs after getting home from a vacation? After the jump, 15 things we’d miss about men if they ever became extinct.

Nick Olsen, former Domino blogger and an assistant designer to the amazingness that is Miles Redd, came up with a list of first-timer decorating mistakes forThe Washington Post. Now, since I’ve painted and re-done my bedroom no less than four times over the past year, I considered myself to be over that beginner mistake hump. Ha, think again. As I went down his totally-helpful list, I realized that at one point in my life or another (and even right now, as I look up at a mirror hung horizontally over my couch) I’ve made every single one of the mistakes! Live and learn, I guess—but check his list out, it’s totally solid design advice! [The Washington Post]

The Huffington Post reports five things not to do on a date. They include talking about an ex, being cheap, and getting drunk. (Really? Getting drunk made the list? We can fondly remember many dates when getting drunk was the saving grace!) While we agree with some of the list, we can’t help wondering why they stopped at five. Drawing on our own dating past for inspiration, we can think of plenty more dating don’ts to include. After the jump, 15 more things never to do on a date.

Once, I got drunk at a wedding and took home a yuppie. He looked so cute in his white tux and charmed me into dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to take that stallion for a ride. But, as I unzipped his pants, he said, “Don’t get excited, you won’t be impressed.” A small penis never ruined my good time—until then. Things went from bad to worse. He was a deep-breathing whiner who just lay on his back because, he warned me, “Girls only get off when they’re on top.” Something tells me those other ladies weren’t given any other option—and they definitely didn’t orgasm. There are some things—like selling yourself short and telling someone how to get off—that you should never say or do during sex ...

Men’s Health has another insightful article for its readers, this time on the 20 things a woman notices about a guy. Included are a few no-brainers like shoulder muscles (13), intelligence (14), and attire (16), but most of the list contains head-scratchers like “Your resemblance to a rock” (3), “Your lungs” (4), “Your resemblance to Spider Man” (8), and “Your belly button.” What? Because most women I know aren’t sizing up a guy’s navel or his lungs — or his web-building abilities, for that matter — here’s a list of 15 things a woman really notices about a guy.

A blogger for the Guardian recently wrote about her experience at the gynecologist, admitting it was her first time getting a pelvic exam in ten years (she was inspired to go after the recent death of reality star Jane Goody, from cervical cancer), and that it would most likely be her last. The problem, she said, is that her doctor wasn’t very “encouraging,” something she thinks all physicians should be, especially with patients who suffer from mental health problems, learning disabilities, and/or a history of sexual abuse. She found it difficult to relax during her exam, but instead of asking her physician for relaxation techniques or getting recommendations for a different physician altogether, this woman is swearing off pelvic exams for the rest of her life—because potentially dying is a better fate than a few minutes of discomfort. Ladies! Don’t be like this woman! Don’t let a little fear stand between you and your health. If you aren’t getting a yearly pelvic exam because you’re afraid or embarrassed, keep in mind that you’re already suffering through plenty of things that are far worse than lying naked in a pair of stirrups for five minutes. After the jump, 15 things that are worse than going to the gynecologist.

Oprah joined Twitter today, which I’m sure must be some sort of milestone in the life of everyone’s favorite social networking site. Now that the Fail Whale has truly gone mainstream, it’s more important than ever that you put your best tweet forward. I mean, you may think your Twitter behavior is innocuous enough, but if any of the following statements sound familiar, I’m afraid to tell you: You’re a Twitter loser. 

The Stranger‘s has a hilarious column called “The Different Kinds Of People That There Are: A Complete List,” which is, of course, not a complete list by any means, but is still hilarious. Here’s a sample:

People Who Will Just Have a Bite of Whatever You’re Having: Please, please, please just order your own lasagna.

People Who Studied Abroad in a Third-World Country: Congratulations.

People Who Are Secret Hookers: They’re your friends, but they’re hookers! Ssssh!

After I was done laughing, I realized there’s a similar list to be made about the different types of GUYS there are. Check out 15 generalizations, after the jump!

Every woman’s got ‘em: the panties ruined by Nature’s special, beautiful, magical gift to your ladyparts.  You might be thrilled that Bingo’s tadpoles didn’t penetrate the love glove, but that still doesn’t mean you aren’t pissed your white, lacy Victoria’s Secret thong looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.

Typically, girls wear sexy underwear at all times because, even if we know no one is going to see them, we just feel better about ourselves when we know we look pretty underneath.  But the three to seven days of the month when all we do is cry and eat Cherry Garcia is an exception!  Whether they were formerly-cute panties sneak attacked by Aunt Flo or nasty knickers you bought just to stain, here’s the five types of period panties every woman’s got: 

So you had a great first date with a guy and so far, date #2 is going really well. He looks good, you feel great, conversation is flowing; maybe you’ll even go back to his place afterward if he invites you over. Let’s just hope he doesn’t have any unpleasant surprises there ready to kill the mood faster than you can say, “I’m in the middle of a herpes outbreak.” After the jump, the top ten things a woman never wants to see in a guy’s apartment.

College Candy posted an article on the five most annoying couple-isms, like those twosomes who insist on using lame nicknames for each other in public (#3), and those obnoxious couples who fight in public (#5) — something I think most of us can agree is even worse than PDAs (#1). The list was pretty spot-on, but too brief. Those of us who have had the displeasure of spending time around annoying couples know there are way more than five traits that set them apart, so here are seven more couple-isms that cannot be overlooked.

Ask Men U.K. had an interesting article recently on the top ten ways a guy could take a relationship “down a notch” when he doesn’t want to necessarily end it — or, you know, give up regular sex — but just “slow things down a little.” AM tells its readers, “The trick is cooling things down without turning her off” and then gives ten ways to navigate such a “delicate situation.” They suggest having group dates (10), which will makes things feel “less like you’re in a relationship and more like you’re ‘just hanging out,’” not to introduce her to any of your friends (9) , call less often (7), do it-‘n-dash (2), go on vacation without her (1), and just act like an overall jerk (4). Call me crazy, but if a guy really wants is a friends-with-benefits relationship, why not just ask for one? Why go to the big expense of flying to Phoenix alone for the weekend just to prove some point when a conversation would have the same effect? Anyway, we ladies have a few “tricks” of our own. After the jump, the top ten ways we “creatively” take things “up a notch.”

Laws are supposed to protects us, but when the government decides to get in our pants, some crazy stuff goes down!  Here are some actual sex laws truly for the record books!

Paul Rudd’s new flick “I Love You, Man” is set to open next week, but I just can’t wait that long to see him! So, like some stalker ex-girlfriend, er, I mean fan, I’ve gone through all of his stuff and compiled a list of Paul Rudd’s finest moments—and I mean finest. If you want to see his bare butt, keep reading for 10 Reasons We’d Love To Love Rudd:

The drastic front page financial news is certainly a downer. As layoffs sweep the nation and more homes are foreclosed, tensions are running higher than CEO bonuses. But it’s not all gloom and doom out there — lots of Americans are saying that the recent economic downturn is affecting their romantic relationships in a positive way.

Take it from them—after the jump are 10 reasons why the recession is actually good for your love life…

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between a guy that is just being nice and one that is totally into you. Sure, we women have a tendency to over-analyze everything (did you see “He’s Just Not That Into You”?!), but that usually happens after we’re dating the guy. So how do you know for sure he’s trying to get with you? Here are 10 signs he’s obviously into you.

Sex is gross and weird enough without some total moron winding up in the emergency room. But if there’s one good thing that comes out of all this—it’s not babies, luckily—it’s hilariously awesome stories that make urban legends seem redundant.  Here are the eight funniest sex tales of whoa, that don’t come from an O!