The Vanity Fair “Me and Mrs. Palin” article by Levi Johnston—which he appears to not have “written” so much as dictated to the editors—is the juiciest, gooeyiest, gossipiest smear I’ve ever sunk my teeth into. Did you know Sarah Palin wanted her and the First Dude to secretly adopt Bristol and Levi’s baby, Tripp, so no one would know her teen daughter had been pregnant?!?! Or that Cindy McCain offered to let Bristol and Levi marry at the White House if McCain won?!?! Allegedly.

But beneath all the gossip that supports the theory that, yes, these chuckleheads and their hunting gear are just as ridic as we’ve always thought they were, Levi (and the Vanity Fair editors who approved his piece) tells another story: Sarah Palin is a bad mother and wife. As much as I dislike the Alaskan ex-governor’s character as a politician, that particular story is not one that’s fair to tell.

And he also spills the beans. In the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair, Levi Johnston says that there wasn’t much parenting in the Palin household, that Sarah wanted to keep Bristol’s pregnancy a secret and then adopt the child when it was born, and that she quit her job as governor so she could make triple the money writing a book. Do we believe him? Maybe. Regardless, it will make for a very entertaining read! [Vanity Fair]

Sure, Levi Johnston is easy on the eyes, but can the hockey hunk write? We’re guessing probably not. Why, then, is Vanity Fair publishing a piece by Levi titled “Me And Sarah Palin” when there are real journalists who would die for a byline in the national magazine? Clearly, Levi is dumb as rocks, but his handlers have brilliantly steered him off-course from D-list celebrity nude pix doom to the respectable pages of VF. Levi’s cover story is not online yet, so we have to wait for whatever fresh angle Bristol Palin‘s baby daddy could possibly cast on Alaska’s ex-guv. But we already know she’s shady as hell, alright? [Vanity Fair]

I am not the only one with a raging crush on stupid-hot Levi Johnston. After Levi told a reporter that he would consider going nude for the right price, StraightCollegeMen.com—a gay porn site which features straight men, uh, nekkid and stuff—wrote an open letter to the Alaskan stud, offering $25,000 for a “solo jerk off video.” Officially a hot commodity, New York-based gay blog Queerty.com, upped the ante by offering him double. Will Levi drop trou and get down to business for $50K? Or will another, higher offer come in? We’ll keep you posted. [BuzzFeed]

I bet no one saw this coming: Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin’s grandbaby-daddy, admits that he’d totally pose naked for the right price. “It depends on the money, man,” he says from his hometown of Wasilla, Alaska in a Skype interview with Bravo’s Andy Cohen. Any chance the “right price” could come from a gay publication? Cohen reminds Levi he’s become somewhat of a “gay pin-up boy.” And since he escorted gay icon Kathy Griffin to the Teen Choice Awards last week and then appeared with her in a hilarious segment on “Larry King Live” the next night, we bet his gay following has only quadrupled in the last few days. “I think it’s great, man,” Levi says. “Um, I just like my fans. Just another person.”

As we told you yesterday, Kathy Griffin and Sarah Palin‘s grandbaby-daddy, Levi Johnston, are, like, totally Demi and Ashton 2.0. Well, they escorted each other to the Teen Choice Awards Sunday evening anyway, and last night they appeared together on “Larry King Live” to dish about their date, and you know what? I think we may have underestimated ol’ Levi.

Kathy Griffin is a tough broad to handle and, albeit with a little help from his “chew,” Levi can totally hold his own with her. “Well, you’re a lot to take care of,” Levi says in his slow, sheepish drawl when Kathy berates him for his bad habit and then goes on to make sexually suggestive comments for the duration of their interview. I know Kathy loves her gays, but Levi makes such an excellent straight man to her goofy-crazy, she might want to consider taking him on the road. Forget “My Life on the D-List,” I want to see these two starring in their very own version of “The Newlyweds.”

Stop the presses! “Twilight” won 11 awards at the Teen Choice Awards last night, and Robert Pattinson was voted “Choice Male Hottie.” Personally, I’m so tired of hearing about R-Patz and this vampy flick that I’m about to drive a stake through my heart. But, lucky for you, we’ve got the highlights of what else happened at this year’s teenybopper fest. After the jump, our fave “Twilight”-less Teen Choice moments.

Kathy Griffin, 48, found a new partner in crime prime time, Levi Johnston, 19. Bristol Palin’s baby-daddy, who has been doing the talk-show circuit, escorted the D-lister to the Teen Choice Awards last night. Despite the terrified baby-animal-caught-in-a-cougar-trap look on his face, Levi talked some serious game. “She’s beautiful and funny. She’s the star of the night.” He even kissed her on the cheek! We shudder. [MSNBC]

VITAL STATS
Born: May 3, 1990 in Wasilla, Alaska
Sun Sign: Taurus
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Virgo
Mercury: Taurus
Venus: Pisces
Mars: Pisces

Ann Curry interviewed Levi Johnston on “The Today Show” this morning, giving his take on the current Sarah Palin situation. Why? Because he’s an expert, of course!

God, Sarah Palin hates Levi Johnston so much right now: the father of the Alaska (soon-to-be-former) governor’s only grandchild gabbed to reporters last night that she stepped down as Alaska’s governor before her term is up so she could make more money.

The sexy-dumb hockey player, who has kept busy since the election gossiping with Tyra Banks and posing shirtless in GQ, claimed that he heard Palin bemoan the family’s financial situation back in December. According to Johnston, the governor allegedly said “how nice it would be to take some of this money people have been offering us and just run with it, and saying forget everything else.”

My imaginary redneck boyfriend, Levi Johnston, is still runnin’ that tobacco spittin’ mouth of his. (Actually, I don’t know if he actually chews/spits tobacco, I’m just being admittedly stereotypical about rednecks.) This time he’s chatting with New York, a city, by the way, he tells the mag he doesn’t like. Levi tells the mag, “There’s too many people. I can’t wait to get home.” Levi really realized home was where his heart was when he was dragged to the Republican National Convention and told to wave and smile, prompting the media to suggest he would be moving to Washington, D.C. with the Palin family had the McCain ticket won the Presidency. Of the convention he says, “That was ridiculous…. I ain’t never moving.” Well, shucks.

Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin’s baby daddy, is leaving Alaska to become the family breadwinner. Well, at least, the teen father is using the excuse that he needs money to support his son, Tripp, as his reason for trying to extend his 15 minutes of fame by becoming an actor. He’s got an agent and is booking all sorts of exciting things, like a reality show and cameos in sitcoms. [MSNBC]

Since Johnston is a high school drop out, and he is kinda hot, this isn’t the worst idea ever. And we’d be the first to watch his reality show. But here are some other income generators he might want to consider:

Shockingly, we’re kind of digging these two 20-year-old conservatives from Dartmouth College who’ve gone viral on the interwebs rapping about their GOP values. The duo known as The Young Cons wrote and created a video for their song “Young Con Anthem,” in which they spew such conservative insight as, “Don’t matter if your gay, straight, Christian or Muslim/There’s one thing we all hate, called socialism.” While my Jewish mother may not approve of their Jesus love, I couldn’t help but be caught by their fine looks—especially the one who goes by the street name ‘Stiltz.’

This got me thinking, are there any other steamy conservative men out there? [Perhaps, ones we’d like to, hee hee, hate f**k?—Editor] Let’s take a look, shall we?

He may be dumb as rocks, but Levi Johnston is a hot DILF. Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance and baby daddy appears in the June issue of GQ, posing shirtless while changing his son Tripp’s diaper. Earlier this month, Bristol appeared with Tripp on the cover of People, so I guess they’re even when it comes to exploiting their child for publicity. Click after the jump to see another shot from the photo shoot. [GQ]

When I was in high school, I dated a guy that my parents absolutely hated. They didn’t even call him by his name—instead they called him, er, anyway—and they begged and pleaded with me on a daily basis to get rid of him. They even bought me a book called How To Dump A Guy. Eventually, I saw the light and my parents got their way.

Apparently, my parents aren’t the only ones who’ve gone to great lengths to get their daughter away from a hated BF. In an interview with GQ magazine, Levi Johnston said that Bristol Palin’s daddy, Todd, offered to buy his daughter a car if she dumped him. Other highlights of his interview: he poses shirtless with baby Trigg, just like every good father should. He also blabs about how he and Bristol drifted apart after the McCain/Palin ticket went down in the 2008 election. Oh, and he finally revealed what McCain said to him on the tarmac. “You have good hands,” McCain reportedly told him. Is that anything like a wide stance? [GQ Via NY Daily News]

Levi Johnston continued along the media parade route this morning, stopping by “The Early Show” with his mom and sister Mercede to discuss this whole Palin family debacle. Among the revelations? Despite what the Palin’s are saying, he did live under their roof even before Bristol got knocked up and Sarah tots knew he was stickin’ it in. Also, he hates it when people call his family white trash, and, oh yeah, he’s totally open to modeling! Clip above.

Oh damn, Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin’s ex and baby daddy, is on The Tyra Show right now and he and his family are spillin’ the beans! TyTy, of course, wants to assure everyone that this is a legitimate interview—that Levi and his family are not being paid to appear. Duh, you know they picked Tyra to talk to over Oprah or Barbara Walters because Levi’s sister is probably a big fan. Above, Levi says he’s pretty sure that Sarah Palin knew he and Bristol were gettin’ it on, then assures Tyra that he and Bristol were having safe sex. Well, most of the time. Is it weird that I am oddly attracted to the cute dummy? Another clip, after the jump…