Everybody has a “type.” Personally, I like a man with a big schnozz—bonus points if he’s got a collection of acne scars a lá Tommy Lee Jones. My pal Annie likes preppy men—but only after they’ve gone to seed and become a little bloated in the process. Suzanne has a weakness for thin Japanese guys who like indie rock music, while Maddy adores bike messengers of all shapes and sizes.

But there are certain types of guys who should be nobody‘s type. These guys are distinguished by one thing—an overabundance of one or more very bad qualities. Your guide to boys to avoid, after the jump…

Back when our moms were on the market, they could tell right off the bat if the foxy soda jerk was unavailable because back then married men never went anywhere without their rings. Not that a band of gold would necessarily keep a cad from straying (see also, Mad Men’s Don Draper), but at least a lady could make an informed decision about whether or not she wanted to wander into “other woman” territory.

Nowadays, it’s not so easy to tell who’s taken. Lots of married men don’t bother with rings and loads more just live with their significant others in a slightly more informal (though generally no less committed) cohabitation situation. I’ll spare you the moralizing, but I’m here to tell you that being someone’s girl on the side is a sucker’s game.

Color me cynical ladies, but let’s face it—no matter how great your relationship might be going at the moment, chances are it’s going to end. And while breaking up is never pleasant, why make the inevitable anymore painful than it has to be? Since there are very few “great” ways to dump a man, we’re going to list all the ways you shouldn’t go about kicking your once-loved to the curb:

Remember back when the mere mention of his name would give you a white-hot jolt to the heart? The sound of his voice was like an exquisite punch to the gut? His hand brushed against yours, and you’d get a warm swelling in the heart region? Yeah, well these days all you feel is sick to your stomach.

Though it seems most of us spend an inordinate time trying to get one, the truth is, once you land that boyfriend you’ve always wanted, you discover the truth— relationships can be a giant pain in the rear.

Lord knows that there are a lot of wacky people running out there, and for some annoying reason women get slammed (unfairly, if you ask me) with the crazy card more often than men. However, sometimes (not often, but sometimes) maybe the name-callers have a point. Some of us can be kind of kooky. I’m not talking about whimsically cute eccentricities; I’m speaking of full-on lunatic behavior.

Maybe you’ve been labeled a little odd or a tad touched. No shame in that—hey, let she without issues cast the first stone—but most likely you don’t want your sanity shortcomings to be the first impression you make upon a new date. For this reason, you should, at all costs, avoid going down the following roads for at least the first three dates:

• “My therapist says. . .” Unless he’s your full-on boyfriend, beginning any sentence with those three words will cause a man to make a mad dash for the hills. Yes, even if he’s in therapy himself. At worst, he’ll think you’re crazy; at best, he’ll think you’re the type of gal who’s going to require a lot of “talks.” Neither impression bodes well for your future relationship.

The unholy trinity of Photoshop, spell check and the Internet mean that even the most illiterate, personality-deficient, hideous troll can land a first date, much to a lady’s disappointment. Landing a second date is the tricky bit, so when you realize you’d like to never see this guy again, there are some tried and true strategies to assure that he decides the first date is also the last.

As any savvy online dater knows, you can spend hours crafting the perfect combination of wit, sophistication, and charm, but all your pretty words won’t mean squat if your photo reeks.

That’s not to say that you need to be a ringer for Angelina or J. Lo to get any play (though obviously that wouldn’t be a hindrance), but you do need to have a photo that shows you in the best possible light without it being a completely misleading deception.

Judy McGuire has been on a lot of bad dates. “How many grains of sand are there on a beach? How many stars in the sky? If I were ever to sit down and count, I’d never leave the house again,” she says. But going out with all those losers provided her with plenty of material for her book, How Not to Date. Plus, it taught her the most decent way to dump someone: “I’m not one of those people who thinks you always have to do it in person, because if I got all dressed up to go meet someone only to get dumped once I got there, I’d be pretty angry,” Judy says. “But if you’ve slept with the person, you either need to do it by phone or in person.” Judy shares her Bad Date Hall of Fame, culled from years of personal experience and hours spent listening to other daters’ horror stories.

The worst line I ever heard on a first (and last) date:
“I usually date women a lot younger than you.” (We were the same age.) He followed that up with the confession that he’d always been sexually attracted to his mother.

Second worst line I ever heard on a first (and last) date:
“HIV doesn’t cause AIDS, and condoms are bs. I’d never use them.”

Worst line I ever delivered:
“Um, no, you can’t kiss me—I have a cold sore. See?”

Second worst line I ever delivered:
“I know I’m kind of fat, but I’m on Weight Watchers and I’ve already lost seven pounds.”

Worst outfit ever worn by a date:
It involved dad jeans and eyeliner.