Nowhere is the difference between men and women so glaring as when it comes down to the demise of a relationship. Specifically, the unexpected, unwanted, one-sided break-up otherwise known as the dumping.

A dumped dude might get angry. Then again, he might just get depressed and mope quietly in his room. He may go to a strip club or pick up a one-night-stand at a bar. What he won’t do is call up all his buddies and poll them about what they think his ex really meant when she quit returning his calls. Nor will he tearfully declare that said ex must have been either too intimidated by his devastating intellect and/or simply too in love with him.

When I questioned a friend about why she was marrying a guy whom she found only mildly attractive, didn’t enjoy having sex with and wasn’t in love with, she told me this: “Marriage isn’t about love, it’s about finding the person who gets on your nerves the least.”

I recall being both horrified and saddened by her cynicism. But as I pondered it further, I wondered if she might have a point. I was single at the time. A long-term relationship had gone bust a few years earlier and after a hyper-extended mourning period I’d been dating a seemingly non-stop parade of utterly unsuitable suitors.

How much do you really need to know?

I still remember the day I walked into my house only to be confronted by my entire family staring at me like I was an alien as my mother shrieked through her tears, “Thank god you’re home—I thought you were dead!!!”

Um, what?

Recently, I discovered that one of my best friends had ditched me after I logged onto Facebook and found her profile had disappeared from my page. We’d been having problems that had culminated in a huge argument the day before, but I figured we’d get through it. I figured wrong.

Still, being given the heave-ho by way of a social networking site? My first reaction was to laugh. I mean, we’re adults. Unfriending me seemed tantamount to toilet-papering my locker or scribbling my phone number on the boy’s locker room wall.

Whether you’re getting married or have decided to live in (gasp!) sin, the decision to cohabitate is one of the most nerve-wracking, potentially fight-provoking, all-around-scariest things you will do as a couple. Here are some pitfalls to avoid:

1. The Money-Saver Move-In: The recession is kicking everyone’s ass, but if the major reasoning behind your decision to shack up is to save money, don’t. Living together, while fun, is also hard work and you’re going to need a big fat love connection when things get rough.

Although there’s still a certain inexplicable stigma attached to it, I am a huge proponent of online dating. I met my long-term boyfriend that way and the majority of weddings I’ve been to over the past couple years have been for couples who’ve met via the internet.

So whenever I hear a friend whine about how they never meet anyone, I give them the online spiel. Heck, Nerve.com should be paying me a commission because I’ve talked so many people into joining.

But as awesome as online dating is for expanding your dating pool, there are also some negatives. The biggest being that it can bring out the worst in people. And by people, I mean you.

I recently read Jeff Mac’s very funny book, Manslations (Sourcebooks), which is basically a phrase book for ladies to help us decipher the Language of Lads. It’s certainly a time-saver for those of us used to spending hours IM’ing our friends, dissecting last night’s date’s behavior.

But the fact is, men aren’t the only ones who say one thing and mean another . . . some miscommunications transcend gender lines. Here are eight…

When I asked an old friend why she hadn’t just broken up with her live-in boyfriend instead of beginning a messy affair with a married neighbor, she snapped, “Don’t be stupid—nobody leaves a relationship without having another one in place.”

Oh, please, I corrected her. Of course they do. People fall out of love or get angry and leave without a safety net all the time. But as I thought back, I realized that for as long as I knew her, she never had. Even when she pretty much hated the one she was with, she stuck it out until she’d lined up his replacement. I could never understand why. My friend is beautiful, successful and very smart; surely being single for a little while wouldn’t end her world.

Women aren’t the only ones guilty of this. I know—and have unfortunately dated——plenty of men who careen from one girlfriend directly into another, often with a big fat overlap; connecting the two relationships like a murky Venn diagram. I understand that being single can be annoying and lonely sometimes, but there are plenty of good reasons not to be—or date!—an Overlapper.

Have you been watching “Tough Love” on VH1? It took a bit to grow on me. Now, not only do I love the show, I may be harboring a secret crush on host Steve Ward.

I bring this up because a couple weeks ago, he had the ladies participate in an impromptu game show that he called “Cute or Crazy.” Not surprisingly, one contestant’s habit of letting her cats choose her boyfriends was dubbed “crazy,” while another’s Riverdance reenactment qualified as “cute.”

Many of us have some behaviors that might be misinterpreted as kooky, when they’re actually just quirky. Take, for example, how I get livid if anyone dares to crack one of my magazines open before I’ve had a chance to browse through it. That’s perfectly understandable. Right?

Every woman I know has been in this situation at one time or another, wondering whether the guy she’s wasting—I mean, spending most of her time with is interested in her as a girlfriend or just a buddy.

In my case, his name was Daniel. He’d flirt, drive me around in his cool vintage car, and generally make me feel like the coolest, prettiest, most fun girl in the world. We hung out 24/7. He was like my boyfriend, except he never made a move. Ever.

While some women have trouble with breasts that droop or low-hanging butt cheeks, my heart has always been my least-resilient body part. Like Chet Baker once crooned, I fall in love too easily. And once it ends—especially when it’s not my idea—I tend to have a little trouble getting back up on that passion pony. The worst time was after a six-year relationship went kibosh (translation: he dumped me). I didn’t so much as kiss another man for two years. I know. It still makes me shudder.

Sure, I was busy moaning, moping, sobbing, and sighing for the first six or eight post-dump months, but by month 10, I thought I was ready to move on. For the next year and a half, I kept wondering, mostly aloud, to anyone within earshot, why nothing was happening. It was only in retrospect that I noticed what a basketcase I’d become…

I have said and/or done the wrong thing so many times that it’s truly the eighth wonder of the world that I ever managed to trick anyone into dating me more than once. There was the time I fell off my chair and farted (loudly) just as my butt hit the ground. Or the guy I leapt away from as he tried to kiss me, gesturing frantically at the giant oozing cold sore on my lip. (I still don’t know how he missed that thing—I’m pretty sure it was visible on Google Earth.)

There are plenty other gems in my arsenal of embarrassment, but who hasn’t had a red-faced moment or ten? I used to beat myself up over these transgressions, but despite my occasionally questionable behavior, most of the men I’ve been out with have forgiven me quite cheerfully. In turn, I’ve turned a blind eye to their missteps and gaffes. What I’ve found is that it comes down to levels and limits. Here are some guidelines.

In my twenties, I dated a guy who was 12 years older than me. In my thirties, I went in the other direction, dating a dude 11 years my junior. (Don’t you dare call me a cougar!) Although both ended rather badly, I feel like that while the gaping age difference didn’t directly cause either relationship’s demise, it certainly didn’t help. Mostly because I wasn’t very graceful about handling it. 

So, learn from my mistakes. Whichever way your May/December relationship skews, there are certain pitfalls you should do your best to avoid.

While watching your buddy cry her eyes out over some unworthy jerk isn’t nearly as painful as getting the heave-ho yourself, it’s still difficult. Most of us want to help our BFFs through breakups, but what do you say? Or, more importantly, what shouldn’t you say?

Devil get behind me, it’s cold and flu season. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a mom who refused to categorize any of her five kids as officially “sick” unless fluids were exploding and the temperature hit well into the hundreds, but I am not the person you want taking care of you when you’re not feeling well.  Conversely, when I’m under the weather, the first thing out of my boyfriend’s mouth is always an offer to rub my chest down with alcohol just like his Greek mama used to do when he was a kid. No, thanks!

I’ve found there are two types of patients—the cranks and the crybabies. I’m more of a crank. I want glasses of cold water, complete silence for the duration, and whatever medications I’m taking within arm’s reach. Don’t talk to me if you don’t want to get yelled at.

Like everyone else, I’ve been glued to the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle, and was saddened when I read reports that she might get back together with someone who left her so bruised and battered.

But here’s the thing: loads of couples breakup and then make-up and sometimes things work out great. But knowing when, and under what circumstances, to forgive and forget is key, and most of us won’t know until we’re thrust into that situation. Here are six scenarios to consider…

How many people do you know who’ve been downsized? Terminated? Let go? Fired? However you word it, the result is the same: Bummer, dude! According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 4.1 million people have lost their jobs in the last year alone. (The current total is about 11.6 million.)

To add insult to financial injury, some of these firings are handled horribly. Workers report being locked out of their offices, escorted out by security guards, or being replaced by less-experienced (cheaper) employees. Frequently, those lucky enough to hang onto their jobs are asked to take on more work for less dough.

It got me thinking about how similar firing someone from their job is to firing someone from your life. So, I took a gander through a bunch of employment guides and found some resources that could prove useful in your romantic life.

What do you get when you fall in love? According the fan-freaking-tastic Dionne Warwick—and she should know from heartache—“You get enough tears to fill an ocean/That’s what you get for your devotion.” Sing it, sister!

Sure, you get other stuff, too: hearts, cupids, hickeys, the fun stuff. But sometimes the bad outweighs the good, and every once in a while a lady needs to take a break and keep her heart safe from scoundrels looking to shatter it.

However, that doesn’t mean you should hole up alone in beat-up pajamas with only your old pals Netflix and Jim Beam for company. Even when you’re not in the market for love, it’s good to keep one toe in the dating pool. You just need to date effectively. Here are some ways to keep your heart safe while the rest of you has fun.

It seems that all anyone is talking about lately is the economy, so why is money still such a tough topic to discuss with your nearest and dearest?  They say married couples fight over money more than anything else, but what about when you just started dating? That’s possibly even more awkward. 

Valentine’s Day is a minefield. Whether you’re single or hooked-up the potential for misery is high because, much like New Year’s Eve, it rarely lives up to its reputation.

For the Single Ladies

1. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that because there won’t be some significant other mailing you a mass-produced cardboard sentiment this year, that you are somehow lacking or unworthy of love. Valentine’s Day was designed specifically to sell greeting cards. (And to make single people miserable.) Does being single on Halloween make you wish you were a zombie? No. See how silly you’re being?