“No matter what I say, things will always be taken out of context and misinterpreted, will always be turned around to make it seem as though I won’t let something go, or that I just keep talking about it over and over. I don’t owe anybody anything. I don’t owe anybody my side of the story. There are no sides! There is no bad guy and there is no good guy. There are no villains and there is no heroine in this story.” —Jennifer Aniston in British Elle

The term cougar has become a status symbol, synonymous with women of a certain income bracket, age, and beauty. While it is seemly an honor to be pretty and powerful enough to bed a younger man, lately it’s also been misinterpreted and become outright predatory. With Van Halen’s “Hot For Teacher” being consummated all over the country, the term “cougar” is getting a bad name. Indulging in trophy man is one thing, plucking an unripe boyfriend from junior high school is quite another—not to mention it’s illegal. A bunch of bad apple female educators have been spoiling the whole bunch.  On Monday, the news that a Massachusetts elementary school teacher running off with her student became public, but she’s hardly the first educator in Massachusetts to rape a child in grade school this year.

Kate Winslet has gotten naked for several movies, including “The Reader” and “Titanic,” and it seems that Hugh Hefner has evaluated her assets and think she’s Playboy material: “It’s a competitive market, more than it used to be, so she would be a most welcome addition in our pages.” The funny thing is, Hefner basically says this about any woman in the news. During Miley Cyrus’s Vanity Fair photo scandal, Hef invited her to strip for his magazine when she’s of legal age. After Lindsay Lohan posed naked mimicking Marilyn Monroe for New York magazine, Hefner reportedly wanted her to do a similar shoot for Playboy. Following her sexy GQ cover, Jennifer Aniston was reportedly approached by Hefner and offered $4 million to pose. Oh, and let’s not forget that he had hoped to get Sarah Palin as a centerfold. Hugh doesn’t seem to get it; Just because a woman will take off her clothes for “art” doesn’t mean she’ll take everything off for him. We’re going to take a wild guess and say that Winslet would never in a million years pose naked for Playboy—unless the economy gets even worse, of course.

But when Jen presented, the camera cut to Angelina Jolie. Check one off your bingo cards!

Jennifer Aniston has been known to play some rather pathetic movie characters in the name of comedy. But what’s really funny is that her movies tend to reflect what has happened in her life. Aniston just signed on to the film “The Baster,” about a woman who wants to have a baby through artificial insemination, but doesn’t realize her best guy friend has switched her sperm sample with his own swimmers. Perhaps she’s testing the single motherhood waters with this film? After the jump, examples of films where Aniston essentially played herself.

In the January issue of GQ, Jennifer posed on the cover wearing nothing but a man’s tie to match her birthday suit. After seeing her cover, Playboy’s head, Hugh Hefner, said , “Is it just me or is Jennifer Aniston getting hotter?...Never seen her in this light before.” Whoa, easy there sparky!  But according to a Playboy spokesperson, Hef just had to ask if he could have her for his mag and offered her $4 million plus a bonus for sales that could earn her up to $10 million if she agreed to pose nude! Wow, I can barely get a dude to buy me a drink before we get nekkid. However, All American Aniston doesn’t literally want to be a “Girl Next Door.”  So, she turned Hef down, even though she told GQ “Yes” for a heck of a lot less dough.  Alas, the cougar has decided to keep her clothes on, this time.  But maybe she should reconsider, after all, that’s a whole lot of neck ties, Jen. [Celebrity Smack]

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck welcomed their second daughter yesterday. No details have been released, including the name, but we’re betting on another flower name to go along with Violet. Rose? Lily? Tulip? Peony? Hydrangea? Ranunculus? [Us Weekly]

We’ve already read about the real resolutions celebrities have made for 2009, but we can think of more than a few who need some suggestions. After the jump, New Year’s resolutions 12 celebrities SHOULD be making.