In case you haven’t noticed, the stock market took a nosedive this week. The rest of us are left worried about investments, bank stability, and mortgages. But what about the men of Wall Street, who are getting screwed over by their employers: How are they looking to handle this mess? They’re looking to get screwed on Craigslist. Instead of looking for their next jobs, they’re trolling for the hand and blow kind of jobs online. Who can blame them? Life’s too short not to take a half-naked photo of yourself and boast about your Ivy league education on a free internet message board. Some guys are looking to wine and dine a new girlfriend, and some guys are looking to host orgies with posts titled: “Was Laid Off from Lehman Brothers—Sex Party Time!” 

You can get anything from the Internet, even an STD! RevengeCrabs.com is a site dedicated to selling spurned lovers genital lice, otherwise known as crabs.  If you thought your breakup fight had bite, it’s got nothing on what these lil’ buggers can do once they start snapping at a crotch. The eggs are so cheap and easy to purchase and use, this “settling the score” is sadistic like nothing else we’ve ever seen! And the mad scientists behind this lab have already expanded their line of lice to include shampoo resistant super crabs, bedbugs, and are even working on developing chlamydia and the clap for consumer use. But what could drive someone to go to this kind of extreme, let alone develop a business plan?  These CEO frat bros claim they all got crabs back in college by the same woman and now they want revenge on the world. Even scarier, they promise this kind of payback is totally legal. Right…. Oh yeah, and just to add that extra creep factor, they offer school children tours of their facilities.  We’re itchy just thinking about these buggin’ business dirt bags. [Trend Hunter]

Social networking on the Internet is the easiest way to keep in touch with your pals, tell people what you’re up to without, you know, talking to them, promote your parties, and bask in your buddies love.  Back in the day, MySpace was like the Wild West—you could post, do, and say anything you wanted. Heck, it turned tramps like Tila Tequila into “stars.” But now everyone—including our parents [Even my mom got an invite!—Editor]—has jumped on the Facebook bandwagon.  It’s so mainstream, they’re making a scripted movie about the site.  So how do you keep your page fun to use, yet still appropriate for your family and co-workers? Here’s some tips:

Tag, You’re It!: Every time some bitch posts a picture of me with my eyes closed, a chubby double chin, sweat stains, and a face full of runny mascara, I want to die and/or kill them. But luckily, it’s easy to do some easy damage control.  Simply click on the offensive pic, then remove the tag. 

The majority of Malaysia’s population is Muslim, and government censors do quite a bit of cutting to keep overly sexual scenes out of movies and other forms of entertainment. These days, they’re having a much more difficult time keeping naughty information out of the news, as two of the country’s top politicians are involved in sexual exploits that are being written about all over the internet. The first man, Anwar Ibrahim, a former deputy prime minister, is accused of sodomy, a crime that can carry a punishment of up to 20 years in prison. The other, Najib Razak, the deputy prime minister and heir to the current prime minister, has been linked to a woman who was brutally killed in 2006. Since widespread internet censorship is very difficult, Malaysians are learning a lot more about their government officials’ lives than they’re used to. [NY Times]

This week, the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers will vote on two key proposals. If passed, the first would allow the use of non-Latin characters, i.e., domain names using Chinese, Arabic, or Cyrillic letters. The second proposal would open up the .com, .org, .fr world up to things like .sex. This internet thing could get a whole lot more interesting pretty soon. [The Daily Telegraph, Australia, ABC News]

Have you ever logged into an ex’s email because you knew the password, and, hey, why not? Yes? That’s very naughty of you. What would be even more criminal is if you didn’t know the person’s password and tried to get in. We don’t want to aid or abet criminal behavior, but MentalFloss.com broke down some of the most popular passwords. Man, people are lazy. The top four passwords are 4) abc123, 3) qwerty, 2) 123456, 1) password. Others in the top ten were monkey, blink182, and letmein (as in “let me in” not “let mein,” a noodle dish similar to “lo mein”). [MentalFloss.com]

From AIM to Skype to plain ol’ internet porno, many of us have mastered the skill of typing with one hand. Sure, cyber sex can talk the talk, but soon it will also be able to walk the walk. Strokerz Toyz is developing the first affordable motion capture suit for lay people.  Set to hit shelves in 2009, it will offer users an animated fore into getting freaky via their PC.  With multiple backdrops, folks will be able to develop their own wet dreams in 3-D and interface with others who have suited up in the sweet looking body harness. Soon you’ll be able to make all the right moves from miles away. [Wired]

Internet bullying isn’t just for kids anymore, grown-ups are responsible for the growing trend of online torture. A gaggle of scorned ex-girlfriends have set up websites, revised online profiles, sold their stuff on eBay, and posted unflattering accounts of their experiences on the internet in an attempt to wreck their former loved ones love lives.  And how could we forget Tricia Walsh-Smith, who’s posted her third YouTube video slamming her ex, above. Why are all these beautiful women getting so ugly?

The internet is bad! Before it came along and opened up the eyes of youngsters everywhere to online porn, little boys had to steal from their fathers’ secret stash of Playboy, or, at the very least, the swimsuit of Sports Illustrated. But a study published in CyberPyschology and Behaviour revealed that men between 12 and 17 who regularly viewed porn had sex at an earlier age and were more likely to initiate oral sex. Women who watched pornography at younger age also lost their virginity earlier. “The internet is having some kind of accelerant effect, influencing and changing behavior,” said Shane Krauss, a psychologist from Castleton State College in Vermont, who performed the survey. “Males are having oral sex and losing their virginity much younger when they are exposed to pornography, sometimes by a good three or four years for oral sex or two years for their virginity.” In short, make sure your kids stay on the Disney website, rather than clicking over to X Tube if you want them to remain chaste longer. [Sunday Herald (Scotland)]

Say hello to Hulu, a new website which archives movies and television, proving the best things in life are free. From Working Girl to The Girls Next Door, you can watch old and new classics over this fancy thingamajig called the Internet. Hulu is like the YouTube of quality programming with clean-as-a-whistle copies of episodes from hot shows like Lipstick Jungle and Chelsea Lately to vintage picks like The Facts of Life.  No more hunting through foggy, pirated footage, now you can finally find hilarious clips from shows like In Living Color—like this hilarious clip about the PMS Defense System. [Hulu via Battellemedia]