On “The Hills” tonight, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will tie the knot with the big, princess wedding Heidi always dreamed of. For the festivities, they asked their entire Pasadena ‘hood to bow down. The two lovebirds petitioned their neighbors to allow them to shut down sidewalks and streets so they could turn the event into “an untitled reality TV project.” Insanely, the neighbors agreed. Could a wedding be any more ridic’? Well, unfortunately for mankind, yes.

This weekend, I was talking to a doctor friend of mine who calmed all of my fears about swine flu. Then I read: “90 people get the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom.”

So true. The fact of the matter is, there are a lot of way, way, way more dangerous and scary things humans have to worry about that make the swine flu look like child’s play. AIDS/HIV, for one—plus: cancer, global warming, terrorists. After the jump, 10 more things that are way worse than swine flu.

The just-married twosome return from their honeymoon in Mexico. [LAX, Los Angeles, 4/29/09]

Five months after eloping in Mexico—post-pitchers of margaritas, natch—Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of “The Hills” are making their marriage official in a ceremony in Pasadena on Saturday. [People] — As a present for the infamously douchey duo, let’s look back at the times they broke up.

Just when I had convinced myself that I actually enjoyed the first season of MTV’s “The City,” Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Audrina, and the rest of “The Hills” crew are back, like the back-stabbing best friends I never had. The season premiere featured a tearful Heidi and Lauren reunion, and Spencer beating up a kid who dared to tell Heidi he saw Spencer hitting on a female bartender. And what’s this I see on the season teaser…?

It’s official—Lauren Conrad’s attempt at a fashion line has ended (at least for now). Delivery of Lauren Conrad Collection spring/summer merchandise has been canceled. We knew this line was doomed from the very beginning. She charged way too much for clothes made primarily of jersey, and most of her “designs” were unoriginal and boring. Anyone could recreate the looks with a quick search online or a mall run. Unfortunately, Lauren seems to think this failure is just a minor setback. She’s actually rethinking her line and might using higher-end fabrics. The fabrics aren’t the problem, LC. Maybe she’ll take a look at this list of other failed celebrity business ventures and reconsider. [Fashion Indie]

Season Five (probably the last) of “The Hills” starts soon and MTV has released a preview clip. Undoubtedly, these two minutes and 24 seconds are the most exciting moments of the entire season, so watch them now so you don’t have to waste time actually viewing the show! But a couple things to point out—that psychic at the beginning clearly reads Us Weekly, that’s how she knows so much about Lauren. Also, did Brody lose weight? And lastly, have Spencer and Heidi been photographed together lately? Maybe they really do break up…