Have you seen the wares from Heidi Montag’s debut clothing line for Anchor Blue, “Heidiwood”? Let’s just say there’s lots of tacky animal prints (“I love zebra!”), satin short-shorts, and racerback tank tops. But the best description of the line came courtesy of New York magazine, who sent a couple writers to try on the clothes. “We looked like rejects from Rock of Love II with Bret Michaels; stick us on the hood of a car and Whitesnake would’ve appeared, guitars in hand.” [NYMag.com]

Something weird happened last night. I found myself feeling sorry for Spencer as I watched The Hills. Heidi was out on a totally contrived girls night out (GNO!), when Spence showed up by himself at the club and proceeded to get himself a drink and chat with people—including women. Heidi freaked out about him taking shots with these chicks and then went off on him flirting and acting like he wanted to see other people. Spencer maintained he did nothing wrong. And I kind of sort of agree. Ack! First of all, Heidi basically broke up with Spencer, because last I checked, when you make your boyfriend move out of the apartment you share together (which he found, by the way), you’re kind of breaking up with him. So while it was super annoying of Spencer to show up at the club where he knew Heidi’s big GNO was taking place, chit-chatting with people, even women, is not cheating. Shoot, I go out and chat with dudes all the time when my feef isn’t around, and I know he’s doing the same, and you know what? I don’t care. Because it’s just talking. Also, we live together and I didn’t kick his butt to the curb like some people.

You can laugh at this statement, but there’s a lot to be learned from The Hills about dating and family etiquette. For example:

You guys, last night I was watching The Hills and I got kind of sad. No, not because Whitney left Teen Vogue. And not because Brody and Lauren are on the rocks either. I was sad because I really, really miss Heidi’s old face. The one that didn’t have lips that looks like they’re made out of two gummy worms. The one that didn’t look like you could bounce a quarter off its surface. The one that didn’t give me nightmares. Will we ever see it again? I hope so.

“I don’t think it makes me any less of a feminist because my emotions are affected. I think that I’m very independent and I don’t let guys affect my life. I think in the past I have, and I’ve learned from it. I don’t depend on men. I have my own career.”—Lauren Conrad, in response to The New York Times assertion that Heidi Montag is a feminist hero because she doesn’t pine after guys. [On a personal note, I cannot believe these two twits are who the Times wants us to choose from.] [Celeb Edge via Jezebel]

Heavy’s “Over The Hills” series is hysterical, mostly because it features the actual dialogue from the real MTV show. Check out this clip of a crotchety old Lauren running into retirees Heidi and Spencer at a club. Why does Heidi have a Southern accent? She’s from Crested Butte, Colorado! [Heavy]

Whoa, The Hills in all its scripted glory, was awesome. It should always be an hour! The show, back for a mini-interim season, started off with Lauren and Whitney headed to Paris to help out Teen Vogue at the Crillon Ball, a fancy-schmancy debutante event for rich socialite kids. Within, like, seconds of landing at Charles de Gaulle Airport, Whitney and Lauren immediately start to slack off on their, you know, jobs by opting to pick up their ball gowns instead of running Teen Vogue errands, while Lauren finds out Brody has managed to find a girlfriend since she left L.A. Seriously, time moves fast in LC’s world. Back in L.A., Spencer is shedding a tear into his beer because Heidi has headed back to the homey, unpretentious Colorado town that managed to spit out her trashtastic, gossip-chasing self, in order to get some breathing room from their sad little relationship.

Our favorite craptastic TV show is back tonight and we’re so excited. However, just in case you haven’t been keeping as close of tabs as we have on Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Brody, Audrina, and Whitney, here are some things you’ve might have missed:

Check it out at MTV.com.

Catherine and I IM’d in a frenzy this morning about the snoozefest that was The Hills season finale (or wasssss it???) last night, so we’ll get to a recap in a second, but earlier in the day, TMZ reported that Heidi and Spencer (known in the blogosphere as “Speidi”) have called off their totally ridiculous engagement. They’re still together, but we’re hoping these two losers go the way of another broken engagement—Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Sure enough, Heidi walked the “red carpet” solo and left before the live taping at LA club Area could begin (Lauren put the kibosh on Heidi actually attending the festivities). After the jump, Catherine and I exchange a totally disappointed IM about our favorite show on Earth. But on a positive note, we’re both obviously on Team Brody.