Perverted, inquiring minds want to know: how deep can a man’s love go? While the vag is designed to accommodate the shape of whatever penis it gets poked with, guys, you can’t blame us for fantasizing about your phallus. Sure, we all know size is almost completely irrelevant when it comes to actually orgasming, especially since roughly 80% of women only get off with clitoral action. Frankly, we Frisky gals have certainly seen a range of shapes and sizes, and have never been discouraged. I swear, Dr. V is no size queen! I’ve had not-so-hot sex with men who didn’t know how to bank on their impressive endowments, and have had gigantic O’s from little dudes who’ve proven less can really be more. But still, for some reason, dicks are a big deal. So, here are some helpful hints on how you can size up a man while he’s still got his pants on.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too! Now, let’s get this party started.

This week, I got a letter from a gal who’s been making a lot of noise in bed….involuntarily. In her freestylin’ naked time, she’s become her own queef beat box. Pfft, pfbtbtbt, pfft. But unfortunately, it’s messing up the sexy flow with her boyfriend. So, I’m going to give this hottie a helping hand on how to play off and prevent a vag fart.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too! Now, let’s get this party started.

We all love to be rode hard and put away wet. But sometimes we’re enjoying the ride so much, we don’t realize we’re dry—bone dry. While that can be a good problem to have, it’s still a painful predicament that could have you getting out of bed even more bow-legged than usual. This week’s Dr. V was inspired by a cowgirl in this very pickle. How do you heal a raw hide after some gun play?

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too! Now, let’s get this party started.

This week, I got a letter from a lady who’s feeling self-conscious about the scent of a woman. She wrote:

“I just started dating this guy and he’s cool, and smart, and dead sexy. But he told me that my vajayjay smells. Is that a diss or what?! I mean, he was drunk and he hasn’t dumped me, but he never goes down on me. I’ve tried douching, but he’s still not going down on me. And now I’m too nervous to say anything about it. What should I do?”

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too! Now, let’s get this party started…

Dry spells happen, even to pandas. Lately, the panda population hasn’t been feelin’ sexy. They haven’t been eating well, and they don’t seem to have the energy to make sweet panda love. Sound familiar? Like a bad breakup or a natural disaster, a lot of things can lower your libido. Here’s what the experts have learned about how you can start humpin’ again.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

May is National Masturbation Month! The annual tradition began as a show of support for former Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders, who was fired from her job when she suggested that teens be taught self-love as a safe sex option. That seems like a bright idea, but we live in dark times, and a lot of people out there aren’t in touch with themselves. So, lets bust some myths about sexy time with yourself.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, I dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started.

STD Awareness Month is almost over, and I hope you lovers survived. Next week, I’ll go back to answering your burning sex questions—whether they burn literally or not. Today, I want to talk about a mistake I’ve made trying to play it safe. 

If I had a nickel for every time I bartered a new partner down from sex to a BJ, I’d be rich! In some situations, oral sex can seem like the best bet to keep him coming back for more and to protect your promised land. But that argument is as busted as Bill Clinton saying he didn’t have sex relations with Monica Lewinsky. It’s still sex—oral sex, to be exact! While I used to think I was Lady Safety for starting off slow(ish) with a beej, oral is as risky a way to get frisky. Even though he’s not sticking his beef in your buns, your mouth is as ready to be an STD sandwich. New research shows it can even cause cancer. While we gals can get a lot of things, we can’t seem to catch a break! Here are some things to consider when you’re going down.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

Last week, I got down on my knees and begged!  And not for the usual reason—I was just pleading with you, in honor of STD Awareness Month, to always use a condom.  It’s saved my ass in more ways than one, that’s for sure! Now, a lot of people think condoms aren’t sexy because it makes the passion take a time out. Well, that is just not true, girl!  Putting on a prophylactic can be a smooth move that your man will ask you to do over and over again.  That is, if you stick it to him using nothing but your mouth! Here’s how you can slide a condom on him with nothing but a smile.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

After blathering on and on about anal sex, herpes sores, and stanky vajayjay’s, I, Dr. V, am going to say something that will really shock you! I have never, ever had sex without a condom. Ever.  Not even once.

From the archives, in honor of “Steak & Blow Job Day,” which falls on, duh, March 14.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, every Friday, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

You employ your mouth for so many things—eating, gossiping, singing in the shower—but it’s especially useful when it comes to sexy time. Oral sex is an intimate thing that takes skill, but with some technique, your tongue’s talents will certainly get you lots of praise! Here are some tips and tricks on how to please when you go downtown.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

Professional sword swallowing is an ancient art form that allows a performer to gulp down a 15-inch sword like it’s a steak dinner. All I’m asking is to be able to deep throat a penis! So, I sat down with a professional side show performer currently starring at Ripley’s Believe It Or Not in New York City, Albert Cadabra, to learn the magic tricks of the trade, in the hope that they will improve our already stellar BJ skills. WARNING: Do not try sword swallowing at home, unless “sword” is a euphemism for penis. The people that practice this craft are highly trained professionals.  These tips are just for dicks!

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week’s “Doin’ It With Dr. V” was inspired by a bunch of letters I received from straight gals who have been fantasizing about sexy times with other women. Some wonder how normal it is, some wonder if it’s just a phase, some wonder if they’re just bored.  But no matter what the reason is, there’s only one thing to do. You should indulge yourself—I certainly have! So here’s my advice on lovin’ a lady based on my experience. As for the rest of you, keep those letters coming. You know I just love to read your smut too! To send me a question or suggest a topic for a future “Doin’ It With Dr. V,” email me!

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week, I received a letter from a lady who can’t figure out what her man wants her to do around his booty if she can’t give him the finger. Well, gorgeous, forget the junk in his trunk, diamonds are a girl’s best friend! I’m going to talk about a little trick that’ll make him feel like a million bucks, without having to withdraw anything from the bank in his butt. As for the rest of you, keep those letters coming! To send me a question or suggest a topic for a future “Doin’ It With Dr. V,” email me!

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week’s “Doin’ It With Dr. V” was inspired by a letter I received from a lady who just doesn’t know how to switch things up with her man who has a specific regimen for getting off. So, I’ve got some tips for her on how to get him to cross the finish line—and in record time! As for the rest of you, keep those letters coming. You know I just love to read your smut too! To send me a question or suggest a topic for a future “Doin’ It With Dr. V,” email me!

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week’s Dr. V was inspired by a letter I received from a lady who just started dating a guy who wasn’t circumcised. She wanted to take their love life higher, but just wasn’t sure how to lift the darn thing with all that extra material.  Rest assured, my friend, all penis models work the same way. If you’re sexy to them, they’ll be sexy to you! However, an uncut penis does require extra care.  So, here are some tips for naked time with a man who escaped the snip-snip.  And keep those letters coming, you know I love to read your smut too! To ask me a question, email sexpert@thefrisky.com.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week, I got an alarming phone call.  My most recent ex-boyfriend went to get tested like a sensible young man and I’m so proud of him—but I’m sorry he had to call me with his results.  While it wasn’t good news, I’m truly grateful he talked to me about it openly. Sex is dirty, and sometimes you can’t totally clean up the mess, but you can always take measures to stop it from spreading! I know my ex was not so thrilled to have to call me to tell me to get tested too, however, it made me realize why I was with him in the first place. He’s respectable and responsible for divulging what he knows with me, for better or for worse.  Although it can be a tearful inspiration, I’d like to dedicate this installment of Dr. V to all the men and women, like my ex-boyfriend out there, who are brave enough to pick up the phone and show someone they still care by telling them the truth about their health and the risks they shared.  According to the CDC, who just this week reported 19 million cases of STDs in 2007, there are a lot of people who need to make a similar confession.  So, here’s how you do it, as pain-free as possible.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

Salon.com’s advice columnist, Cary Tennis, gets a lot of questions, from the bizarre to the just plain sexy. Why just yesterday, a virgin who just wants to be spanked wrote in. Oh help me, Cary! Needless to say, he is one lucky dude.  While he takes his questions seriously and his advice can be good, it’s also a little, well, metaphorical.  Even he recommended she seek the aid of another gal who likes to be dominated. So, here I am and I’m going to get straight to the point, sweetheart!  This is how I think you should handle getting manhandled…..

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

As winter sets in, I just wanted to put your mind at ease because the cold sore has a bit of a misleading name. It’s a common misconception that weather more frigid than a nun could cause you to get a cold sore, but ironically, too much sun can actually increase your chances of an outbreak. While cold sores are a type of the herpes simplex virus, they are also called “fever blisters” because having the flu can up the odds of getting one. But alas, stress, hormonal changes—like getting your period, skin injuries, a lowered immune system, and added stress—can also bring it on.  But what eggs on a flare up is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the real cause of the problem, the herpes simplex virus. So, here’s everything you need to know about the blister and what you can do with your mister…