With Guy Ritchie and Madonna making their divorce plans official, you know that ho (as always) is going to turn to music to get her through it. Since she’s supposedly has A-rod waiting in the wings, her recovery period will probably only last a couple pop songs. Luckily, Madge won’t even have to search for tunes to express how she feels, since she already sings them!  So here is our suggestions for Madonna’s Break Up Playlist featuring songs by Madonna.

“You need so much but not from me/Turn your back in my hour of need/ Something’s wrong but you pretend you don’t see/ I think I interrupt your life/ When you laugh, it cuts me just like a knife/ I’m not your friend, I’m just your little wife.”—”Till Death Do Us Part” from “Like A Prayer”
This song from 1988 (during her marriage to Sean Penn) is all about a wife wishing her husband loved her more. Sigh, unlike the empowering hit on this record, “Express Yourself,”  which encourages a woman with “don’t go for second best, baby!” This song, a mere 2 tracks down, has the woman going back to her blasé husband.  Is there still a future for Madonna and Guy? Or will Madonna follow her own advice and “do much better baby on your own?”

We’ve all dated cocky guys, but Mohammed Bello takes the cake! About a month ago, we here at The Frisky were befuddled by the story of a Nigerian man with 86 wives.  At the apparently arrogant age of 84, Mohammed Bello was still fathering children and seen as a preacher and healer to his wives, most of whom are in their twenties, and his brood of 170 kids. His compound has been a constant source of aggravation and embarrassment to the Muslim population of his own country, who see him as a crazy cult leader. In fact, he’s even been receiving death threats. Since even most Islamic fundamentalists believe you can only have up to four wives, the state has ordered Bello to divorce at least 82 of them by this Sunday or face exile from Nigeria. So what does Bello’s camp have to say in his defense?  Spokesman for the self-proclaimed shaman, Mohammed Tahir, counterattacked with, “He is not going to divorce any of his wives. Rather he is going to marry more.”  Boo-yah! It’s on!  [Reuters]

It looks like the A-Rod scandal and divorce rumors are getting to Madonna because homegirl looks STRESSED. Also, is it just me or does it look like she had her cheeks done? [Kabbalah Center, New York City, 7/29/08]

I don’t believe in pre-nups, but if I was going to have one, it would have to say something about the dog. Lucca is comin’ with me should I ever get divorced. More and more couples are going to court over custody of their pets, battling for full custody, joint custody, or at the very least, visitation rights. But poor kitties! Apparently 90% of pet custody cases involve dogs. Puss ‘N’ Boots gets no love… [USA Today]

The Liv Tyler/Royston Langdon split is official. They’ve got a son, Milo. Sigh. I think this whole married/divorce ratio is slipping into 49/50 territory. [People]

And you thought the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce was ugly! British actress and playwright Tricia Walsh-Smith is in the middle of a very heated divorce from her husband, Phil Smith, president of the Shubert Organization, the largest theater owner on Broadway. Not only is she spilling her guts in court, but she’s doing so on YouTube. Above is the video Walsh-Smith filmed from the apartment she says her ex-husband is kicking her out of, in which she reveals a litany of complaints against him, and at one point gets on speaker phone and calls Smith’s assistant to ask what she should do with her estranged husband’s Viagra and porn collection. It is a hot friggin’ awesome MESS.

It’s wonderful that gay couples can get married in Massachusetts, but if they break up and want to get divorced, they’re kind of screwed. In Rhode Island, the top court ruled that gay people who get married in Massachusetts can’t get divorced in Road Island because lawmakers there only define marriage as a union between a man and a woman. They can go back to Massachusetts and get divorced, but they have to live there for a year first to establish residency. In Missouri, a conservative lawmaker is urging a judge not to grant an annulment to a lesbian couple who were married in Massachusetts. How completely messed up is that?

More and more women are discovering that with equal rights comes equal responsibilities. For the five years ending in 2006, the number alimony recipients who were men went from 2.4 percent to 3.6 percent, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Divorce experts are saying that fewer and fewer men are rejecting outright any talk of seeking alimony, most likely because the number of women who out-earn their husbands has risen in the last decade. [Wall Street Journal]

This week everyone is talking about leap year day and women proposing. The March 10th issue of Us Weekly discusses female celebrities who proposed to their men—though they didn’t necessarily wait for a leap year to do it. Halle Berry proposed to David Justice in 1992. Britney Spears proposed to Kevin Federline in 2004. Pink proposed to Carey Hart in 2005. Are ya seeing a pattern?

Lily Allen has reportedly been dropped by Agent Provocateur as the face/body of its lingerie, and her ads (featuring her in a corset and stockings) haven’t even run yet. The company’s bosses, Joe Corree and Serena Rees, are in the midst of a divorce, and supposedly can’t agree on anything, including Lily. This is a downside of working with your significant other. [Female First]

Sick of your spouse, but your bank account is worse off than you are?  No problemo!  You’ve got a couple more hours to apply for WKLC Rock 105’s divorce give away. One lucky couple will get a trip to Splitsville for free from West Virginian attorney Rusty Webb. Jay Nunley, the sympathetic scrooge of Valentine’s Day and smart station programming director, said about the promotion, “Sure we can give away concert tickets, and we do. That’s going to make you happy for a little while. This is the chance to make someone happy for the rest of their life.”  To qualify for the un-“I do’s”, just fill out this form and then tune-in for the divorce drawing at 5pm. Good luck dumping the douche! But if you don’t win, perhaps you could give your worse half a box of crappy worm-filled chocolates for Valentine’s Day. That oughta get the job done. [Yahoo! News]

Heather Mills is in big trouble! Her old lover Tim Steel, a former male model, claims she cheated on Paul McCartney with him for six months. Steel says she loved for him to rub her amputee stump and that she would roll out of his bed and into lavish romantic vacations with her Beatle husband without batting an eyelash. This bomb dropped just in time, since the divorce court battle over alimony (why no pre-nup you hopeless romantic hippie?) and custody of their daughter Beatrice, 4, began today in London. It’s been a long and winding road to finalize the split and finally the peace loving Paul has been given the ammo he needs to defeat the gold digging she-devil who has broken his heart, gone after $98 million settlement, and above all, slandered his name. In court, McCartney will have to defend himself against allegations of spousal abuse as Heather acts as her own lawyer. While Mills may have previous experience as a soft-core porn star in the 80’s, this time she’s going to be the one getting whipped. Good riddance! We’d just like to say to the newly single Sir Paul, you’ll always be our knight in shining armor. [Reuters and Perez Hilton]

Together for more than 20 years, a couple loved by many has called it quits. Peter Parker and Mary Jane, who were married in 1987 at Shea Stadium in New York, are no longer together as of this month. Joe Quesada, the editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics, has said that it was time to shake things up in Peter Parker’s life, and it would easier to do this if Spider-Man were single. It sounds as though Spidey is going through a mid-life crisis, but actually Mary Jane agreed to a bargain with Memphisto: He would restore Aunt May’s health, but all the world, including Mary Jane, would forget they knew of Spider-Man’s existence. The life of a superhero’s wife sounds rough. [Fox News]