Men should pay for the first date. It is our responsibility, nay, birthright. It’s what we do instead of having to wear heels or beautifying face spackle. Women should offer to at least cover the tip, because that is polite. The next date should be her treat. Every subsequent date should be split. This is also polite. It is 2009, after all, and things change. More men are strapped for cash, more women are flushed. It is an increasingly even playing field when it comes to gender norms. Simple, right? Now we can all move along…

When I asked an old friend why she hadn’t just broken up with her live-in boyfriend instead of beginning a messy affair with a married neighbor, she snapped, “Don’t be stupid—nobody leaves a relationship without having another one in place.”

Oh, please, I corrected her. Of course they do. People fall out of love or get angry and leave without a safety net all the time. But as I thought back, I realized that for as long as I knew her, she never had. Even when she pretty much hated the one she was with, she stuck it out until she’d lined up his replacement. I could never understand why. My friend is beautiful, successful and very smart; surely being single for a little while wouldn’t end her world.

Women aren’t the only ones guilty of this. I know—and have unfortunately dated——plenty of men who careen from one girlfriend directly into another, often with a big fat overlap; connecting the two relationships like a murky Venn diagram. I understand that being single can be annoying and lonely sometimes, but there are plenty of good reasons not to be—or date!—an Overlapper.

I’m so confused about my current girlfriend. I’m a Sag and she’s a Libra. A little background info: We’ve only been together since February 13, but it started before that. Recently, I got stationed back home, after being gone for almost four years. I “re-met” this girl Ashley from high school when I was out celebrating my 22nd birthday. It was fireworks from the start. A few weeks later, we started talking about my deployment, and she said the longest she’s been away from a boyfriend is two weeks and even that was too hard. She promised me that she’d wait for me. Up until a week ago (five weeks in), things were good. I emailed her regularly, called her from foreign ports when I could. She even broke down and said that she never really noticed how much I meant to her until I was gone, eventually coming out and saying that she loved me. I knew how I felt about her and told her I loved her, too.

Yesterday I wrote about a recent trend: More and more dates end in split checks. Several of my married female friends—and their husbands—were dismayed and shocked to hear about this, and so were some of you. Some believe that whoever does the asking should do the paying, while others think the guy should always pick up the check, at least for the first few dates. Recently, I went out with three guys in a row who didn’t pick up the check on the first date, and three is a trend, not a case of bad luck. So, I went to the guys on my IM to find out what the hell is going on. Turns out, I should be dating them.

Someone at the New York Times must be reading The Frisky, because Sunday’s “Social Q’s” column responded to a question that Amelia addressed last week. Reader Nick wrote:

“I went on a date with a girl I’d met online. I didn’t feel any connection and don’t want to go on a second date. Should I flat-out tell her and risk hurting her feelings? Or should I ignore her messages, and hope she gets the point?”

Ah, the age-old debate over whether you should be honest and tell her like it is or just disappear into the ether. Writer Philip Galanes responded by saying it’s better to state the truth. “Reply to her messages normally, and if she asks you out again, tell her you’d rather die—or just be friends. It’s your call,” he writes. Generally, good advice. We at The Frisky prefer honesty to having guys pull “the fade” on us. However, if you don’t actually want to be friends with someone you’ve dated, don’t suggest it. That would also be leading him or her on. [NY Times]

I used to dog sit for two of the cutest pups in the whole world.Their owners gave me strict instructions to always leave the TV on, set to Lifetime, whenever I left them alone. Without fail, when I’d come back, I’d find the dogs lying on the rug together, holding paws and watching the “Golden Girls.” Aww! Those dogs clearly learned a thing or two about how to love each other, and I bet Bea Arthur, as Dorothy Zbornak, taught them a lesson or two. She was always going out with some Tom, Dick (Van Dyke), or Dr. Harry—her neighbor/star of “Empty Nest.” Here are five things we learned from Dorothy’s dating debacles.

“I’m a Cancer gal (07/07/1989, born at 12:36 pm), and I recently started dating a Virgo (09/04/1989) that I have known for a number of years. Even though we only got together recently, I have a really good feeling about this relationship. I know I get obsessed easily, but I pretty much feel like he’s y’know… ‘The One.’ He’s also expressed similar feelings for me. So the other night he confided in me that he is still a virgin. Not because he hasn’t had the chance, he just didn’t feel right with the girls he did have chances with. Now, I am not a virgin, but I’ve only slept with three people and can probably count on my fingers (and toes) how many times I have had intercourse. I just worry that he’s not going to stick with the girl he first sticks it to, and is going to want to sow his wild oats later on. Am I freaking out unnecessarily or should I be worried?” —Cancer Gal

After posting my most recent “Dating Amelia,” I got a very kind email from a reader asking for advice. I got her permission to answer the question on the site.

“I just recently discovered this website and I found a great deal of affinity for your situation, as I am going through the exact same thing myself.  I’ve read your ‘Dating Amelia’ posts and they are inspirational.  I do have a question for you though.  You seem to have no problem finding men who were interested in you.  How did you do this?  I never get approached by men and always turn out to be the girl they want to be friends with instead of date. I’m 26, in grad school, a book nerd and average-looking. How can someone like me attract a good man? I admit that I am terrified that I will never be enough for a man (this is the reason my ex said he was leaving, that I wasn’t enough).  I’ve been told that I might just have to wait until the men in my age group lower their standards, but I don’t want to be the girl someone just settles for.  You seem to be coping with this situation so well and moving on in healthy way.  Any advice you can offer would be much appreciated.”

I am a Sagittarius (11/27/75). About 12 years ago I met a Cancer (06/26/73) and from the beginning, it felt like there was an instant bond between us. Over the years we became really good friends and recently started dating. It’s been going well, though I don’t hear much from him. He goes out of town a lot, so I only get to spend time with him twice a month. During the times he’s been away, I’ve spent a lot of time with my single friends going out dancing and that’s when I met a younger Capricorn (12/27/87), who is fun, exciting and the best kisser ever. I’ve been spending less and less time with Cancer and more and more with Capricorn, but I’m not sure if there is any long term potential with him. I would really like to find someone to settle down with, but I just don’t know which one to choose, please help. —Saucy Sag

Dating coach Rachel Greenwald was on “The Today Show” this morning schlocking her new book, Why He Didn’t Call You Back. For the book, Greenwald conducted “in-depth” interviews with 1,000 men and in her interview this morning, she laid out the ten main reasons they cited for not calling a woman back. These aren’t so much “reasons,” it turns out, as they are 10 female stereotypes that scare guys away, because of course it’s never about the men and whatever issues THEY might have, but always about the mistakes women make and how screwed up they are. What’s the number one way to buck your particular stereotype and guarantee a call-back? “Be nice,” the dating coach instructs. Watch the full clip above for other insightful advice you never would have thought of on your own.

So you had a great first date with a guy and so far, date #2 is going really well. He looks good, you feel great, conversation is flowing; maybe you’ll even go back to his place afterward if he invites you over. Let’s just hope he doesn’t have any unpleasant surprises there ready to kill the mood faster than you can say, “I’m in the middle of a herpes outbreak.” After the jump, the top ten things a woman never wants to see in a guy’s apartment.

A recent article from Men’s Health gives guys five sure-fire signs a woman is into him. Basically, if you’re a lady and so much as breathe the same air as a dude, you probably want to inhale him faster than a piece of chocolate mousse cake. But let’s dissect each sign one by one, shall we?

It’s no secret that the women of The Frisky are obsessed with Patti Stanger from “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” But last night I found my devotion to her screed rise to a new level, as I found myself yelling at the screen, “Yes, Patti, YES! Preach sister!” Sure, I disagree that men and women should stick to traditional gender roles and hate her staunch anti-curly hair stance, but Patti’s got gems. I was cheering when she touted just how far a guy can get by showing a little chivalry. “Chivalry is free and it gets the girl.” Indeed, Patti, indeed. You see, my current dating situation—with Chicken Parm, for those taking notes—is kind of lacking in that area, and while he’s practically perfect in every other way, this has become a major stumbling block. Patti and I disagree a little about what kind of chivalry is really necessary and will get the girl (at least this girl)—Patti’s big into door opening and meal ordering, but I don’t care so much about that. After the jump, five chivalrous moves I think Patti and I would co-sign. Chicken Parm better take notes.

Recently, we found ourselves in Austin, Texas for South By Southwest’s Interactive Conference. It was a tornado of fish tacos, rain and excessive Twittering. But the rare occasion to have bloggers and big players in new media together for a week made it a perfect opportunity to ask their opinion on the web-couple’s ultimate dilemma: To blog or not to blog…

So, you’re sweating a dude like he’s a spin class. Girl, you know you got it baaaaaaaad! It’s exciting to crush on a dude, but it’s also potentially ego crushing and stupid.  When you can’t stop thinking about a man, you have to add some reason to those dirty thoughts or you could get hurt. Love might be blind, however, there are some eye opening clues that can help you decide whether he’s feeling you too! You should tell your crush you like him if (and that’s a big IF)...

An objective, partially superficial analysis of women’s magazines like Glamopolitan has led me to form the following conclusions:

The point is made: You ladies have dated lots of losers. But have you ever considered that maybe, sometimes, totes gasp, you’re the loser yourself?

If you’re one of those girls who has a host of men in her life, but no one to bring to a wedding, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and it didn’t qualify as a “friends with benefits” situation, and you always end up being some sort of dating coach to the guys you’re really into, it’s time to get yourself out of the Friend Zone and into more datable territory. After the jump, seven ways to avoid the Friend Zone.

I am a Leo (born at 7:56 p.m. on Aug. 7, 1984 in Texas) who is still hung up on a Sagittarius guy (Dec. 14, 1977 in Wisconsin) after three years. I was ready to be in a relationship and my life was in a great place. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. A woman had left him for another guy a couple years before and he was still not over it.  We hung out a lot as friends and we didn’t ever have sex, though we came close a few times. Then things got intense very quickly (mostly my feelings for him) and he withdrew from me. Also, he made comments a few times that made me see that he was still heart broken after the last girl and he actually seemed to directing his pain into anger at her and women in general. He became a real downer, and I started to get pretty depressed too. 

As the unemployment rate continues to rise, job clubs are becoming the hot spot for those desperately seeking employment, because they offer networking opportunities and group therapy. But job clubs can also be a great place to meet a man.

How many people do you know who’ve been downsized? Terminated? Let go? Fired? However you word it, the result is the same: Bummer, dude! According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 4.1 million people have lost their jobs in the last year alone. (The current total is about 11.6 million.)

To add insult to financial injury, some of these firings are handled horribly. Workers report being locked out of their offices, escorted out by security guards, or being replaced by less-experienced (cheaper) employees. Frequently, those lucky enough to hang onto their jobs are asked to take on more work for less dough.

It got me thinking about how similar firing someone from their job is to firing someone from your life. So, I took a gander through a bunch of employment guides and found some resources that could prove useful in your romantic life.