Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher at the premiere of What Happens In Vegas, a movie about two strangers that get wasted and get married in Sin City.

Why does that busted butter face on the second floor have a boyfriend and I don’t? Why can’t beautiful and successful women seem to find love?  Why can’t I win an eBay auction?  It all has to do with game theory. “Strong bidders” like Cameron Diaz know they have got it going on, so they hold out for incredible, perfect offers. While “weak bidders” (you know who I’m talking about, cough, Brandon Davis), know they’re not strong contenders, so they tend to be super aggressive to compensate. This is how the fugs get the love—they take what they can get.  So, just like in the work place, when it comes to romance, you’ve got to be assertive if you want to get what you deserve. Mystery solved. [Slate]

Back in the day, at a dance party in my middle school’s gym, a ray of light shined into my dark pubescent heart: the class clown asked me to slow dance. It was an unexpected surprise, as I usually went to school socials just so I could eat lots of M&M’s and Doritos. But a mouthful of Brian was even better than junk food.  We goofed around, got in trouble with the teachers for dancing too close, and made out in an empty girls’ bathroom. It was one H-O-T Friday night!  When Monday rolled around, I had my friend French braid my hair in PE, I put on some lip gloss, and then I bravely went up to my new boyfriend during lunch. But he pretended he didn’t know why I was even talking to him and made fun of me in front of his friends. WTF?! I was crushed. It’s easy to blame that kind of manipulation on adolescent immaturity. But now we have quite a woman to console—Cameron Diaz.