I’ve had Terrible Girlfriend Syndrome (TGFS) for years. It all started with Matt Noonan in 6th grade. He was the new boy and all the girls wanted him. But I got him. Clearly, we were going to fall in love. We were going to hang out on the playground and go with a bunch of other snot-nosed 6th graders to PG-13 movies and the whole thing was going to be glorious.

Or so I thought. Instead, I showed up at school on the Monday after our epic decision to “go out”— his friend called my friend to ask if I liked Matt, mine wrangled the same info from the friend, etc.—and one of those bitchy 8th grade girls who was similarly smitten with Matt asked me if we were “together.” Images of the two of us skipping around hand-in-hand flashed through my head, and I quickly blurted out, “God no!”

Confused? Me too.

So you’ve made it through the horrifying breakup with someone you cared about ... now what? To be friends or not to be friends, that is the question. Most of the time I like to make a nice clean break adhering to a “no contact” and “no getting back together” policy. I’ve learned from experience that this is a necessary move for me to heal my ailing heart and move on. In time, I am usually content to be “acquaintances with history,” exchanging an email every once in a while or having friendly drinks with the exes that I still respect. But that’s only after time has passed and I’ve removed the rose-colored glasses that I used to gaze at him through. And, of course, there are the guys that I know I won’t ever see or speak with ever again ...  those that have committed offenses of the heart too heinous to be forgiven in this lifetime. But it’s not always so black and white. Some people are worth keeping in your life.

There are some pretty consistent reasons among men why they dump their girlfriends. Let’s look at what some women do to end up being single again. Of course, this doesn’t fit every instance of a breakup, and this doesn’t apply to every woman, but a lot of guys tend to come up with the same reasons. After all, it can’t ALWAYS be something that the guys did….could it? Read more ...

Related stories:

• Is It Better for a Guy to Be Funny or Rich?
• 27 Ways to Say No to Sex
• Men Less Picky for a One-Night Stand

I think most of us at some point in our lives have sent an email or text in the heat of an angry moment that we later regretted. In the summer of 2007, a girl named Em didn’t have an angry moment, she had an angry two weeks, during which time she sent a slew of bitter emails to the boyfriend that she thought was avoiding her. By the time she learned he wasn’t really ignoring her, but was actually traveling through Europe — something he’d mentioned many times to her before he left — it was too late. The emails had been sent, the damage had been done, and now this little video of her big mistake has been put together so we can all feel so much better about any communication snafus we’ve made in the past. The transcript is here for the impatient among us. The only thing that would make this funnier is if the two got married, and then divorced, and the guy sent this email to her. [via BuzzFeed]

There’s a new dating confession site to add to some of our old favorites called It Was Over When. The site is dedicated to, you guessed it, the moment or event in a relationship when one or both parties knew it was over. Like others in its genre, it’s a community effort with readers submitting their own sad — and often hilarious — stories. After the jump, a few of my favorites.

We’ve all either said it or heard it at least once after a breakup: “Let’s be friends.” But is it a good idea to remain friends with an ex? Is it even possible? Was Billy Crystal’s character in “When Harry Met Sally” right when he said, “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way”?

You don’t have to be Jennifer Aniston to think the four women who Krazy-Glued a cheater’s penis to his stomach were way harsh and beyond psycho.

But in our less scrupulous/mature moments, many of us want to punish our ex, especially if he was a cheater. Ladies, let’s keep it legal (and Krazy Glue-free), OK? Refer to our list after the jump for some ideas:

He’s threatening to break up? Stand up for yourself.

Related stories:

Why Does Breaking up Hurt So Much?

Can My Hook-Up Become My Boyfriend?

Help! He’s Too Small!

One of the big bombshells my ex dropped the day he decided he needed a break was, “I don’t know that we’re in love anymore.” I didn’t buy it. I was in love and I was certain he was too. He was confused, he needed space, and I was going to give it to him, despite the fact that for many, his words would have been the final nail in the coffin. So I was fascinated to read Laura Munson’s “Modern Love” column in Sunday’s New York Times about her refusal to fight with her husband when he declared he no longer loved her.

I was going through my jewelry box the other morning trying to find a pair of earrings, and I came across a couple pieces of jewelry ex-boyfriends had given me while we were dating. I haven't worn either of the items in years. Maybe I've felt I shouldn't because we're not together anymore, or because I didn't want to be reminded of the relationships every time I put on a necklace. Now, however, I feel there's enough distance between me and these relationships to wear the ex-jewelry without feeling too weird. But is it inappropriate to do so?

Calmly Move On (Or at Least Look Like It)
Today, you will make eye contact with an attractive man while walking to work, driving, or paying for gum at the 7-Eleven. When you’ve locked eyes, smile at him. Nine times out of 10 he’ll probably smile back, but if you get a dud, smile at the next hot piece. This is called flirting, which you might have forgotten all about while you were upset about what’s-his-name. As the cute guys pass by you right and left—in business suits, skater pants, polo shirts, or dark designer jeans—enjoy the scenery, because you’re back in action. Even if you’re not ready to date yet, you’ve done work on yourself. You’ve enjoyed your space. It’s called moving forward, and by smiling at a boy today, you’ll be doing exactly that. Congratulations.

Go To Brunch Alone
This is a bold step post-breakup, but you’ve built up to it. Pick a good restaurant in your neighborhood, bring a book or The New York Times, and order yourself some serious pancakes—and a mimosa, if you feel so inclined. Leave your shades on if you feel like going incognito. And then ... just be. Don’t worry about what the other tables are thinking. You’re here for some good food and the atmosphere. And to enjoy being a cosmopolitan single lady who likes French-pressed coffee with her morning paper. Cosmopolitan single ladies do not have time for self-obsessed jerks who are clearly yesterday’s news.

“Be careful who you cheat on” isn’t a famous, old adage, but it should be, because some scorned women go freaking crazy trying to get revenge on unfaithful spouses. Just last night, a 67-year-old woman in Queens, NY, woke up at 6 a.m., boiled a pot of water, and poured it on her husband’s private parts, leaving him with second- and third-degree burns from his knees to his abdomen. Oyinda Ojofeitimi told police she had recently learned her husband of 20 years had been unfaithful. “She was hurt and angry that after all this time married, he was stepping out on her,” a police source told the New York Daily News. “She wanted to shut down that possibility forever because he had treated her with such contempt.” Ojofeitimi then regretted what she had done and called 911, but that’s not really enough, is it? She has been arrested on assault charges. This isn’t the first time (and it certainly won’t be the last) that a woman has retaliated against her cheating husband. After the jump, a hall of fame for scorned women.

Get A Plant
Fine, so your last five attempts at keeping greenery died slow, painful deaths, but there’s always hope for new (plant) life. Hit up a garden store or greenhouse and pick out a small household plant in a nice, small pot. If necessary, ask the shopkeeper, “Which one will I be least likely to kill?” Then press him or her for some pointers on how to grow this sucker. Will you need to change pots eventually? Put it where the sun can beam down on it or in the shade? Water it daily or not that much? Keep the instructions in your noggin and then take your green friend home. You’re going to learn how to care for something that’s not a guy. Put your plant in an attractive location, and then stare at the new creature for a while. You’ll water it, coddle it, sing to it, or draw a sketch of it if you have to, but you’re not going to let this one die.

We told you about his womanizing at the Royal Ascot Horse Race, but now Simon Cowell has even gone and outdone himself. The “American Idol” judge invited 17 of his ex-girlfriends to his 50th birthday shindig this weekend. You know he just wants his ex-gfs to fight over who gets to do him on his birthday. Or maybe he’ll make America vote them off one by one? Lame.

Seriously, what kind of celebration is that? Sure, it’s one thing if you cross paths with someone you dated and say hello, but it’s quite another to rub them all in each other’s faces.

I, for one, have gone to extreme lengths to avoid my exes. Heck, I’ve literally turned into a ninja to avoid bumping into one ex, who works right around the corner from my gynecologist. Can you imagine seeing him then?

Get A Massage
Depending on your cash flow, book either a 60-minute full-body treatment at a nice spa or duck into a little manicure place and get a 10-minute shoulder rub. Much like Day 25, this is all about your body and your pleasure. Touch is a nice thing to experience, and that can come in many non-boyfriend forms: a hug, a handshake, or a trained spa technician beating the crap out of you via Shiatsu massage.

Rip The Golden Glaze Off The Relationship
You’re far enough away from the situation now that you’re allowed to go back and reminisce a little. But not about the good times, no matter how much you want to. Write down a short top-five list of times when he was rude, insensitive, or just plain mean. Like when he insulted your intelligence in front of a friend of yours, or that one oh-no-you-didn’t moment when he said something during an argument that you haven’t been able to forget since. You’re angry now, right? Mad. Seething, maybe. Tear up the list and throw it away. Now go outside. Walk or stretch or just stand there for a second and breathe fresh air. Repeat this to yourself: “For every man who would say those things to me, there are many who wouldn’t. When I start my next relationship, it will be with someone who wouldn’t.”

Masturbate
If you haven’t lately, try it. Repeat as necessary.

Go To A Movie By Yourself
Remember when your loser ex used to bitch about your taste in movies? Today, you’re disassociating movies in the theater from first dates and hand-holding, and you’re claiming the big screen for yourself. Go see a film that he would rather have to swallow nail-polish remover than sit through, a foreign film so you can brush up your hackney French, “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Part 347,” or the kind of explosion-loaded action flick that he always said was full of empty mind calories. It might be a little scary to go alone, so buy some M&M’s for a comfort snack. And popcorn. Or, better yet, put the M&M’s in the popcorn. They’re really good that way.