Paula, Simon, Randy and Ryan. I can breathe a sigh of relief because my favorite reality show is returning to television tonight. “American Idol” is back for its eighth season, but I have to say my expectations for this season are extremely low. The show has decided to make some “creative” changes which include cutting back on the amount of auditions we get to laugh at, to focus more on the emotional journey the contestants go through. Ummm, HELLO!!! Don’t they know the only reason people watch the show is to make fun of others who choose to publicly humiliate and embarrass themselves on TV.  This took me down memory lane of some memorable auditions from past “American Idol” seasons. After the jump, the funniest (I had tears in my eyes) AI auditions. I saved the best one for last too.

Amelia thought the “Twilight” fans who paid a visit to “The Today Show” were nuts. Little did she know how crazy fans can become… Taken during the finale of this year’s “American Idol,” the above video features a group of nutso tween David Archuleta fans. I don’t approve of their hysteria, but at least Archuleta is a real person, unlike Edward Cullen. [Videogum—thanks, Nathan!]

Now that Clay is out, he needs some love!  But who is the David Burtka to match his Neil Patrick Harris?  We ladies at The Frisky, like his surrogate Jewish grandmothers, want to fix him up!  Here are the studs we think would fire up Clay:

Lance Bass: Former member of boy band N’Sync, Lance Bass just hasn’t been the same since his break up with the man who helped him come out of the closet—Reichen Lehmkuhl.  While Reichen has already moved on, Lance has been a mess!  He’s unsuccessfully dating dudes like his married personal trainer (yikes!) and a bad tipping bartender! So he clearly, Sir Lancelot needs someone who will fight for his honor and share his love of highlights. Clay could be his bottled-blonde Prince Charming.

Told. You. So. Claymates. [NYMag.com]

Summer TV usually sucks, but the one show I am always so psyched for is So You Think You Can Dance. Produced by the American Idol team, SYTYCD features some of the most talented people I have ever seen on a reality TV show, without any of the annoying schmaltz. The first episode featuring the first round of auditions and one person who seriously stood out was Robert Muraine, a self-taught pop-and-lock street performer from Los Angeles. His audition was one of the sickest things I have ever seen in my life.

The American Idol finale certainly had star power. Mike Myers, Seal, Donna Summer, Jimmy Kimmel, Bryan Adams, ZZ Top, The Jonas Brothers, OneRepublic, Jordin Sparks, Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Gladys Knight, Carrie Underwood, and George Michael all made appearances or sang on the show, but some of the people who performed were not good, namely The Jonas Brothers and OneRepublic. Watch their performances after the jump, then vote on who you think would be eliminated first if they had been competing on Idol.

WHAT was Randy wearing on last night’s season finale of American Idol. So fashion forward (or classic?) to sport a red blazer with a white border and an ascot?!?! And I feel like I may have missed something by turning on my TV a bit late, but why are the Davids wearing matching outfits? Well, except for David Cook’s interesting choice of accessories. That necklace and pocket scarf really added something. At least Paula had some wise words for the two: “Sometimes we think it’s all about winning, but it’s the things sometimes that we lose that reminds us how truly special we are as people.” Deep.

The battle of the vocal chords will come to an end soon, and either David Cook or David Archuleta will be named our American Idol. But we’re more concerned in what you think about their looks than whether you like their music.

On American Idol this week, David Archuleta sang Chris Brown’s “With You.” David sucked, but because he swayed back and forth without speck of dancing ability, he reminded me just how great Chris Brown is. (No, I am not saying this simply because I think Rihanna is fabulous and the two of them are clearly together.) As you can see on the June cover of Ebony, Chris has filled out nicely. And by filled out, I mean developed ridiculous muscles. Also, Chris has moves we ain’t never seen—according to a video on Ebony.com, Chris took gymnastics for four years. Hot. Keep reading to see behind-the-scenes footage from the Ebony photo shoot where Chris isn’t wearing a shirt. [Ebony.com]

I’m so over these fools on American Idol, especially that cheeseball David Archuleta. The kid had the gall to sing Chris Brown’s awesome song “With You” on the show last night. No one made him sing it—he chose it. And it was awful, because a lily white dork like David should not be singing about “my boo”.

Dear, sweet, sexy Jason Castro. I should have known you’d pick a Bob Marley song to sing during Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame week on American Idol. And I love Bob! I do! And I commend you for picking such a bad ass, revolutionary song as “I Shot The Sheriff”. But with your hair, and your style, the chances of this performance tredding into terrible immitation territory were too great. Why did you have to do those horrible dancing in place moves that remind me of the drum circles out in the quad during college? Why did you have to give the song that “Whoopee! I shot the sheriff and it was AWESOME!”-giddyness that was totally lacking in the original? He shot the sheriff, dude, but he did not shoot the deputy, and seriously, it was not all fun and games. And neither was your performance. David Cook sang The Who’s “Baba O’Reilly” and it wasn’t as blasphemous. Be on your way, lovely Jason, I guess we’ll know tonight who was right in our poll.

So, Indiana and North Carolina are voting for the Democratic nominee as we speak and something tells me, this race isn’t going to end tonight. It got me thinking about the things that could potentially happen first. What do you think?

It’s easy to forget that evil, mean Simon Cowell was once a young, impressionable, and innocent nine-year-old. Tara Miller called up during American Idol last night to remind Simon (and the millions who watch the show) that she remembers him from those days—they shared their first kiss at the bottom of Simon’s garden back in England when he was just a little boy. Watch this clip carefully—he nearly blushes.