Last week, The Guardian published a heartfelt letter that writer Stephen Fry had penned to his 16-year-old self in which he wrote : “Tears splash on to my keyboard now. I am perhaps happier now than I have ever been and yet I cannot but recognize that I would trade all that I am to be you, the eternally unhappy, nervous, wild, wondering and despairing 16-year-old Stephen: angry, angst-ridden and awkward but alive. Because you know how to feel, and knowing how to feel is more important than how you feel. Deadness of soul is the only unpardonable crime, and if there is one thing happiness can do it is mask deadness of soul.” Hundreds of readers responded to the letter with notes to their own 16-year-old selves, warning of everything from fast-approaching baldness, unfulfilled dreams, and death of friends and family. Some gave advice: “Marry that fab posh girl in about three years, not seven. Life’s too short to wait, but any sooner will freak her out.” Others gave hints of good things to come: “Amazingly, not only will you get a boyfriend but he is lovely and you will live together in London on the other side of the world.” What would you say to your 16-year-old self? After the jump, a letter to myself at half the age I am now—and, yes, that makes me 32.

Slate’s “Dear Prudence” gets the best letters. This week, “Wishing I’d Got to Him First” wrote in, asking for advice about reversing her husband’s vasectomy. You see, her husband was married before, and his ex-wife “required” him to get his tubes cut because she did not want children. Then, she left him for another man. Now, “Wishing” is married to a man who can’t give her kids, and she wants them—bad.

“We’ve looked into having my husband’s vasectomy reversed, but the cost is prohibitive—around $15,000—and the procedure is not covered by health insurance. Would it be appropriate to approach Leanne or pursue her in civil court to recoup the cost of the procedure?”

An interesting, if disturbing question has been posed to Cary Tennis at Salon. “Want Him To Know” writes:

“Recently while I was on Facebook, the man who date-raped me in college showed up as ‘people you might know.’... I never filed charges, never told people for years afterward, and didn’t even think of it as rape until five years ago. But now that I think about it, it infuriates me that he was able to victimize me without consequences. I don’t want to bring legal action, or shame him publicly, but I do want him to understand what he did was wrong. I’d like an apology…. Should I attempt to contact him, or just let bygones be bygones? Honestly, I could take it or leave it. My only worry is that he will think date rape is OK.”

Tennis’ advice is lacking, despite being nearly 300 words long—see a rape counselor! Probably wise, but it doesn’t really address her desire to know that the person who date raped her doesn’t do it again. So what do you guys think? Should “Want Him To Know” get in touch with the person in question? Should she move on? Or do you think that any response he gives her wouldn’t give her the peace she desires? Tell us your thoughts in the comments! Maybe she reads The Frisky…

A recent article from Men’s Health lays out 16 ways a guy can save his relationship with his lady, most of which are remarkably idiotic. While I agree that talking to your girlfriend rather than you best buddy about your relationship (#8) is probably a good idea, I’m worried that the other 15 suggestions are just leading men down long, lonely roads of cold shoulders and sexless nights. After the jump, a few of the so-called relationship-savers that sound especially destructive. 

One of the things I love about being in a relationship is that my friend circle multiplies. But what happens to those newly formed friendships when the relationship ends? For example, recently two of my friends who were in a couple broke up and it’s been awkward ever since. Where we used to all go out together once or twice a month, now I have to split time between them, and I have the nagging feeling that I’m cheating when I hang out with one and not the other. After driving myself crazy for a few weeks (Do I talk about or avoid the subject? Partake in talk about the ex or awkwardly change the subject when it comes up?), I sought some advice on dealing with the joint-friends breakup—who keeps whom? And does it really have to come down to that?

No matter how charmed (or challenging) life can be, the new year always seems to startle us into finding ways to make it better. Remember that trying to make too many changes at once may be so overwhelming that we quit before even getting started. But choosing one really important goal is doable, right? What is a must for you in 2009? Maybe you want to find a new love. Maybe your goal is a leaner, stronger body. Or, maybe your inner fashionista is calling for a new curly hairstyle, revamped wardrobe or makeup makeover. Whatever you choose, making it happen will take a little soul-bearing honesty and a lot of action. Here are a few ways we can all get started on our resolutions as we ring in the new year. And keep them.

Slate advice columnist Dear Prudence got a doozy in her mailbag this week. A son wants to know if he should tell his father that he carried on an affair with his stepmother for years. Karma’s Bitch Boy writes: “When I was 17, Mom and Stepdad had to move to another city, so I moved in with Dad and Stepmom. My father’s new wife was a much younger and very attractive woman. The atmosphere was more relaxed than in my previous home. So much so that my stepmom (she’s about 15 years older) and I developed an attraction and started an affair.” Gulp! When Dad was out of town, son and stepmom got it on a couple times a month. The affair continued when Karma Boy went off to college and after; finally, he ended it two years ago. Now, his father is divorcing his stepmother for cheating on him—with somebody else—and his stepmother has informed him that unless he gets his father to concede on a financial matter that’s beneficial to her, she’s going to tell his father about their affair. Prudie advises the son tell his father what he’s done. What do you think he should do? [Slate]

“Thank God you’re not with him anymore.” My friend rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how you dated him.”

Whoa. What? My friend’s distaste for my now ex-boyfriend was news to me. How my family and friends feel about the person I’m dating is almost as important as how I feel about him. So if my ex had been so unpopular with my inner circle, why hadn’t someone said something before?

Whether or not to clue a friend or family member into the fact that her significant other is lazy, noncommittal, mean, a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, or dealing something shady out of his basement can be a delicate situation, but it doesn’t have to end your relationship.

One thing I learned before I got married is that nobody loves to talk about weddings more than women who just got married. They’ll grab on to any socially acceptable opportunity to relive their experiences. Now, I’m one of those women who’s full of tips on how to get through your wedding day. One day, maybe you can pass a few of these dos and don’ts on to the next girl when you go to blab about your wedding.

“Why won’t he commit?”

“Get your man to say ‘I do!’”

“Why don’t guys call when they say they will?”

Peruse any magazine rack and various Web sites and you’ll see headlines such as these splattered all over. Inside you’ll read article upon article about how women can decode, seduce, corral, turn on, and coerce men.

Are “creative types” good for anything other than flings? “I am always attracted to creative men,” one woman writes the Guardian. “Most of my boyfriends have been poets or artists, largely because of my job and circle of friends. But my last two boyfriends were unfaithful and I wonder if creative types are good only for flings and if I’d be better off with a man who has a proper job.” Relationship expert Dr. Luisa Dillner responds: “Creative people may be less inclined to monogamy because it’s conventional, their talent may make them attractive and interesting (they have something special) and they may be supremely self-confident. Creativity suggests a passionate nature; these men may be more charismatic than your average guy. Since creative people often hang out together, they may reinforce the idea that it’s OK to have sex on the side.” Instead, she advises the woman find a “nice steady Italian policeman”—because women like men in uniform. So, what do you think? Do creative types make good boyfriends, or are they better for flings? [Guardian.co.uk]

If 2008 has been any indication, expect quite a few of us to start working from home in 2009. From an increase in telecommuting jobs to taking on blogging gigs and freelance work to make ends meet, more and more of us will be earning our keep from the comfort of our own homes. It’s a great setup if you can get it, but it holds the danger of being a little lonely; for some, the prospect of spending their lives working in pajamas with dust bunnies their sole source of company threatens their sanity. After the jump, 18 tips to keep sane and help you maintain a healthy work/life balance when clocking in from home.

There’s nothing wrong with vowing to lose weight or quit smoking, but as far as most New Year’s resolutions go, they’re a bit tired and uninspired, don’t you think? For your health and happiness, by all means put down the cigarettes and pick up some hand-weights, but in the interest of personal growth and feeling more connected to the world around you, I suggest you adopt these six resolutions in the new year, too.

I’ve been single so long, I was starting to think I’m do everything wrong…that is until I watched this totally ‘80s dating video, “Going On A Manhunt,” brought to us by the studs of VHS at Everything Is Terrible. Sheesh, the “experts” in this vid managed to come up with so many ideas even more overwrought than their permed hair—like using a small stuffed animal to get a man’s attention.  Seriously, what happened to a good old-fashioned low-cut dress?! If pathetically pretending to love a fake pet is what you need to find true love—i.e. a guy wearing an infomercial-style sweater—I’m going to resign myself to real cats and happily be a spinster for life!

Forget self-help books and magazine columns. For dating and relationship advice, I recommend Craigslist. Don’t believe me? Yesterday, I was perusing the New York City section of the site, hoping someone might be unloading a pair of Veronica slouch Frye boots in a size 7, preferably barely used, and hopefully well under the $328 they retail for, when I came across the following ad. The subject header: “Mens clothes, My ex’s xmas gifts he’ll never get, It’s a steal.”

You know what you ought to do before you turn 30 (1, 2, 3, 4), but what do you do afterward? Believe it or not, life doesn’t magically come into focus the second that you’re no longer 20-something. Creating the life you want in your 30’s takes work. To make the transition into your new decade as smooth as possible, here are a few tips for navigating those first 30 days.

With less than a month to go till 2009, we know many people are thinking about the past year and what they’d like to do differently within the next 365 days. The thing about resolutions is that we constantly set ourselves up for disappointment. Either the goal is too big and we’re upset that we don’t get there quickly enough, or we don’t surround ourselves with enough encouragement and support to follow through. Making a resolution is largely about making change easier. We don’t often want to do the things we’ve put our minds to because they don’t happen easily. But you can make your resolution work for you if you go one step at a time and learn to frame your goals positively (“I will do this”) instead of negatively (“I won’t do that”).

We’re just going to come right out and say it: staying in a bad relationship just because you a) don’t want to be alone for the holidays or b) don’t want to be the bad guy/gal who dumped someone during the most wonderful time of the year is a waste. Why wait until after the new year (or worse yet, after Valentine’s Day) to make a change and move forward? It’s not going to be easy, but isn’t it better to be free than to be dreading an impending breakup for the next couple of weeks or months?

Here are our top 5 highly unscientific reasons you should break up before January 1st:

I’m a single Pisces woman who is in love with a married Gemini man. My birthday is March 5, 1978; his is May 29, 1978. I was born in Framingham, Massachusetts at 6:52 pm. I don’t know his birthplace. Based on our birth data, do you think I could be desirable enough to him that he would have an affair with me and maybe even leave his wife? What would it take for me to make him want me as his one and only? —Confused Water Sign

Sure, the holidays are filled with great food, fun parties, and general good cheer (I was at a crowded Macy’s yesterday, and I wasn’t shoved once!), but for a lot of people, this is anything but the most wonderful time of year. Those of us in periods of transition—even positive ones—are especially susceptible to the feelings of loneliness, frustration, depression, and the stress the holidays can elicit. After the jump, a few tips for surviving the holidays during some of life’s biggest transitions.