Just when I thought I had dodged my biological clock, something comes around, tugs at my heart strings and makes my vag tingle.  Ugh, the nerve! Well, even the black soul of a satisfied single gal cannot resist the charms of Jason Bateman and his adorable 21 month old daughter, Francesca in this holiday GAP ad. How cute are they?! I’ve fallen for the Bait-man, hook line and sinker.  What is it about a guy and a baby? Simply irresistible! Okay dudes, if you’re listening, forget fancy cars, Axe body spray, and pumping iron—the hottest girl attention grabber is a little bundle of joy. Jason Bateman is clearly a babe.  [Celebrity Baby Scoop]

Hey, see that ad to the left? Kind of sad huh? I woke up on my 29th birthday (last Sunday), checked my Facebook profile for birthday well-wishers and saw that ad glaring back at me! It’s been there, non-stop practically, all week, a not-so-subtle reminder that two months prior to my 29th birthday, my fiance broke up with me and I became, yes, ALONE AGAIN. If the accuracy of this particular targeted ad wasn’t so freakishly detailed (how on earth did the tech bots know “a man suddenly pulled away”???) to the point of hilarity, it might actually make me depressed. After the jump, more targeted ad bull crap, on Facebook and Google.

Ads that use gorgeous, half-naked women to sell products are totally lame. Why couldn’t the advertising agency come up with something a little more original to sell their client’s beer, aftershave, or clothes? Despite these feelings, we just came across an ad that ran in P-magazine, a Belgian men’s magazine, and it’s so clever we don’t care that it shows a stunning woman in her underwear. Keep reading to see the full ad…

Unitards are okay if you work for Cirque de Soleil, a ballet company, or if you’re a deep sea diver, but no way should regular people go walking around in them.  While Serta seems to have a thing for the jumpsuit, you’d think, Vera Wang, one of the top American designers would know better.  But apparently she’s been huffing the fumes of success and forgot that rolling around in a bed in a full body spandex suit is not cool—especially if you’re the boss strutting around your workplace. Clearly no one tells her no, but I wonder who had the guts to be her camel toe checker?

So many men, so little time. Well, at least that’s a divorce lawyer’s motto. Corri Fetman, who handles Chicago’s romantic splits, has put up a billboard even more controversial than a pre-nup. Sandwiched between two half-naked models, the tag line reads, “Life is short. Get a divorce.” While some hopeless romantics in town find the billboard offensive, Fetman, an arguing professional, defends herself, saying, “Just because you see a billboard with a hot body on it, it doesn’t cause you to leave your spouse… If you’re already going to leave your spouse, the ad will appeal to you.”  Yeah, if a billboard can break your marriage up, that’s probably a big enough sign that you should get a divorce. [Trend Hunter]

According to an email obtained by Politico.com, the Obama campaign attempted to find a rape victim to cast in a campaign commercial that would allow the Democratic Presidential nominee to discuss his stance on related issues. According to Politico’s Jonathan Martin:

The Obama campaign wouldn’t detail the strategy behind finding an individual to discuss such a sensitive topic but did suggest the ad may be aimed at underscoring their candidate’s support for abortion rights and ongoing effort to retain those women who backed Hillary Clinton in the primary.

All this has led to discussion over whether seeking out a rape victim to tell her story in order to further a political agenda is appropriate. After the jump, some thoughts from Megan at Jezebel.com and Ann at Feministing.com, as well as my own gut reaction.

Did you know Lysol used to advertise itself as appropriate for feminine hygiene? “A man marries a woman because he loves her,” the copy for this vintage ad reads. “Instead of blaming him if married love begins to cool, she should question herself.” According to this retro-minded public service message, a woman should “safeguard her dainty feminine allure by practicing complete feminine hygiene” with… a household disinfectant. Do not try this at home, people. Your vagina is for lovin’—not Lysol. [mrbill].

The only boy who could ever teach me, was the son of a preacher man! And I’m a Jew. But let’s face it, Tammy Faye Bakker’s baby is a full grown hottie.  From the sleeve tats to the soulful talk, I couldn’t get enough of Jay on his Sundance channel reality TV show. And now the punky pastor has turned model in the new Kenneth Cole campaign. He’s so hip for being square! Who knew the Bible would make such a stylish accessory? [World of Wonder]

While any woman who has ever ridden public transportation most likely has a story about some jerk who copped a feel or a shifty-eyed loser who made her switch cars, almost none of us come forward to complain about the creep.  So back in March, Boston launched a campaign to bust pervs on public transportation. Working with the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, they posted subway ads encouraging woman to tell the authorities when they experience unwanted sexual advances on public transit and even policewomen went under cover to catch the cretins. Thanks to their efforts, Bostonians have begun to take action too and there has been a spike in reported cases.  Mission accomplished!  New York was supposed to following in their footsteps to curb a similar sexual harassment problem in the city, but before the ads were even posted, they were pulled. 

Honestly, I don’t even realllllly like the show, but these ads always make me want to watch. I love seeing anyone thumb their nose at annoyingly shrill prudishness.

Okay, so we know we’re not supposed to be fans of commercials when there’s, like, real art on TV, but Orbit gum is special because they understand that breaking up is hard to do.  Remember the clean mouth commercial where the ex-wife put a convertible through a wood chipper because her man was cheating with his co-worker?  Well they’ve managed to kick that bitchfest up a notch!  In the commercial above, a scorned woman turns T-Rex and starts ripping stuff up with her teeth. Unfortunately, the ad is so controversial for some reason, it was pulled off the air. So we’re giving it to you, because we would never break your heart. [Ad Freak]

Sex sells. But what about purity? A K-Swiss ad campaign features tennis star Anna Kournikova in a white sports bra and a teeny-tiny mini skirt, showing off her midriff like a high school ho.  Now that they’ve got your attention with some T&A, what’s the slogan say?  “Keep It Pure.”  Um, what?! While we’re sure that Anna Kournikova is a lady, when there’s a billboard of her rolling around on her back on the tennis court, chastity doesn’t come to mind.  And why should it?  We’re not sure why K-Swiss is trying to sell sneakers with abstinence—something that even their cover girl Kournikova, who has been doing the horizontal mambo with Enrique Iglesias for years, doesn’t represent. And everyone knows, like a modern woman, it’s impossible for white sneakers to not get a little dirty.

I have loved Audrey Tautou ever since she put that spoon to her nose in Amelie. Now she is the face of Chanel No. 5 perfume, replacing Nicole Kidman. This ad is flipping hot. Any woman that is cool enough to pull off a suit and tie is sexy to me. But this begs the question: Why have most of my “Girl Crush Alert!” choices been French?

Previously:

Apparently everything is sexier in France. In this ad, Schweppes has managed to make its drinks, or at least this particular drinker of its drinks, so hot and bothered that she rolls fruit all over her naked body. Doesn’t it make you want to sip a fruit-flavored soda? No? Yeah, me neither. [via Shape+Colour]

Previously: Artsy Condom Ads

You know what makes me want to drink away my sorrows? Rabidly sexist and misogynistic ads for Belvedere Vodka in my subway station. One more, after the jump.

We knew it wouldn’t take long before someone complained about the OMFG ads for Gossip Girl—only it’s not the implied curse words that has got the Parents Television Council pissed off. The ads feature “cleavage kissing”, which the PTC considers inappropriate marketing for teens 12-17. Gotta say, there are far more worrisome messages being sent on Gossip Girl (like encouraging shallow consumerism!) that I’m not so sure I’d be psyched about my impressionable teen watching the show. Gossip Girl is for adults, darnit! [WND.com]

He apparently attracts his girlfriends’ ex-boyfriends like the plague. Now he can get you yours! But you’ll have the best results, if you sleep with him. [Craigslist]

If your status on Facebook is “engaged”, you get inundated with various bridal and wedding B.S. on your profile page. As if you need a reminder that you’re supposed to be planning a friggin’ wedding, not adding “tanning, indoor gardening, and mac ‘n’ cheese” to your interests. Ugh.

Just like good tires, you can get a lot of smooth rides out of a good woman.  Well, that’s what Goodyear’s new Italian ad is claiming. A silver fox, wearing nothing but a mink stole and a “come hither” smile, poses like a pin-up next to the slogan, “The only thing in your truck that never gets old.”  We basically want to grow up to be her. [Ad Week]