At nearly 35 years old, with about that many notches in my belt, you would think I’d have all my sexual interests figured out by now. But I’m actually happy to report that my ongoing sexual journey continues to be one of discovery, especially in the way of turn-ons. With that in mind, here’s the first in what I hope will be a semi-regular installment of Funny Girl Sex Guide, The Three Things Turning Me On Right Now.
A few years ago, I was obsessed with reading Wetlands by Charlotte Roche, but only a few pages at a time, because the subject matter — one woman’s absolutely filthy hygiene habits and obsession with her bodily functions and fluids — was kind of stomach-turning. But as a bit of a gross girl myself — though not at all to the degree that Helen is — I was titillated by the book’s willingness to get completely and utterly vulgar, plus I got a kick out of the way she called her inner and outer labia “ladyfingers” and “dewlaps.” Anyway, a film version of “Wetlands” hits select theaters this Friday and critics who saw the German film at Sundance called it, amongst other things, “Eww is the warmest color” (a play on last year’s French hit, “Blue is the Warmest Color”) and “the most disgusting coming of age film of all time.” Prepare yourself for everything from masturbating with vegetables and oozing hemorrhoids, to guys jacking off on spinach pizza and very, very dangerous pubic hair grooming. NSFW trailer above — watch if you dare…
I’m grateful — no, thrilled — to live in the golden era of vibrators. We have vibrators for clitoral stimulation, we have vibrators for your G-spot, we have vibrators you can fit inside your purse, we have vibrators you can use in the shower — just about anything you want a vibrator to do (except do your taxes), you can. It’s really one of the better parts of being a woman in 2014. That and indoor plumbing.
But just because a vibrator can do something doesn’t mean it should. That was my takeaway from Lelo’s new toy the Ida, the world’s first rotating and vibrating couple’s massager. Keep reading »
Dozens of single women looking for a man? No, it’s not “The Bachelor”; it’s the remote town of Novia do Cordeiro in Brazil, where most of the population of 600 is female.
Back in 1891, an adulteress founded the village after being cast out of her home. Partially due to the town’s shaky reputation in the beginning, these days XY chromosomes are still scarce. What few men do exist are relatives or usually already someone’s husbands; additionally, the men often commute out of the area to a nearby city during the week. One 23-year-old lamented to the UK’s Telegraph, “I haven’t kissed a man for a long time. We all dream of falling in love and getting married. But we like living here and don’t want to have to leave the town to find a husband.” Keep reading »
You already have a morning cup of coffee. Why not make it count?
Wake up your vroom-vroom with this surprisingly simple recipe: a cup of java, maca, cacao, and cinnamon. That’s it! These raw foods have been used since ancient times to support your sex drive and if you’re not mixing these bad boys into your daily diet, you’re missing out on some seriously sexy benefits. Read more on YourTango.com…
Nothing stokes the fires of romance like watching the “The Notebook” with your brother in a tractor trailer parked outside a church. That’s how a brother and sister in Gutyon, Georgia, found themselves arrested for incest, aggravated sodomy and prowling early Tuesday morning. Police found the siblings walking around outside a Baptist church and somehow determined they “had just had sex” by their behavior, according to Atlanta’s local CBS News. The siblings admitted to swapping DNA three times while watching “The Notebook.” I have officially lost my appetite for lunch and dinner. Good job, Ryan Gosling? [CBS Local] [Image of church via Shutterstock; image of "The Notebook" via IMDB]