Orgasms. I invented them when I was 12. I was alone in the shower, my bar of Irish Spring was looking really good, I was warm, damp, and feeling adventurous. It was magical and only slightly shameful, the way I insist on all my orgasms being to this very day. Later I found out other people had stolen my idea before I could monetize it, but that’s OK. I’m a giver.
Even later in life, I discovered something most unusual, and that was that not everyone orgasms the same way. Some people use Zest! And yet others eschew a soapy left hand thrust deep in a crack altogether and have discovered bizarre new ways of orgasming that not only don’t involve hands, but don’t even involve genitals. Or, well, not exactly. Check out five crazy things that give people orgasms on Cracked…
Sure, getting dressed and undressed is second nature to pretty much everyone. We do it multiple times every day, why would men in particular need some sort of tutorial? Because, my friends, I recently realized that while there is no explicitly wrong way to get dressed and undressed, there is a decisively sexier way, especially before and after you get down. So, gentleman, if you want to reach peak sex appeal the next time you take off your shirt or pull on your pants, follow these rules, presented in GIFs of course. (Gotta have somethin’ for the ladies to look at…) Keep reading »
Newsflash: Super Bowl Sunday is not a good day for sex. The entire day — and weekend, really — is reserved for football, beer, hot wings and lots of yelling at the TV. Do yourself a favor, and start to accept the fact that you’re not getting it on today.
Thanks to a new survey conducted by We-Vibe, we learned a few things about sex and the Super Bowl… Keep reading »
I think everyone goes through a phase where they fantasize about changing their name. For instance, when I was four, I was hellbent on becoming Ali Angelowicz, which is absurd considering how similar it is to my actual name. My mom played along and called me Ali for a week and eventually, the novelty wore off and I wanted my old name back.
Sheila Ranea Crabtree, of Licking County, OH (she declined to reveal her age, but she appears to be fully grown), is still hung up on her “ugly” birth name. “I absolutely hate it,” she told The Columbus Dispatch. That’s why, on February 11th, Crabtree will petition a local judge to legally change her name to “Sexy.”
“I wear Victoria’s Secret clothes all the time. I was like, ‘Shoot, I’ll just go for Sexy,’” explained Crabtree.
Fair enough. Keep reading »
Hi there, American Apparel. I was prepared to defend your bush mannequin and I was responding really positively, as Tim Gunn would say, to your 62-year-old lingerie model. But then you went and posted a thong ad on your Tumblr featuring a peek-a-boo of a perfectly waxed asshole riding a bicycle, or as a commenter called it, “sidehole.” While the model’s butthole looks quite pristine (see the NSFW version after the jump), it’s just too much. I cannot. Thoughts? [American Apparel via Inagist] Keep reading »
Even the most knowledgeable and feminist-leaning men can find themselves miffed when confronted with the facts of the female menses. It’s not just that they’re totally unaware of what’s happening down there every 28 days, it’s that they think they know certain things, but they’re so off base it’s laughable. Ask the most enlightened men you know to describe how cramps feel or how a tampon works, and you’ll get a variety of wildly creative but totally inaccurate answers. We thought it was time to compile a list of all the crazy things guys believe about our periods that, we can assure them, are completely and totally wrong… Keep reading »
Once upon a time (a couple weeks ago), a woman (me) emerged from her self-imposed dating exile and went on her first date in months. What transpired was the very definition of a no good, terrible, very bad first date — so bad, that this woman endured her date’s company until the bitter conclusion, just so she could do her fellow daters a service by making a video about it. Check out this second new episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide above!
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