While a lot of celebrities like to walk around with their cooters out, it turns out that just means they’re less evolved females. Big surprise! But seriously, evolution is to blame for all the problems men have reading women’s sexual signals — although it seems like the trade off was worth it. Back in the day, when we were monkeys, our privates were very public. When our hairy ancestors were in heat, their vajayjay butts would swell up and then they’d go around trying to get laid by showing off the hot mess to the males like this. Conversely, since the apes walked around on all fours, the men’s junk was hidden, so if they popped up, no one was the wiser. Needless to say, ape sexuality was totally backwards by today’s human standards. So, how’d our fates get reversed? Keep reading »
I took a Women’s Studies class in college where we had to make a clay model of the way we viewed our bodies. Mine was extremely misshapen. But clay models aren’t just for burgeoning adults exploring their political self identity — they’re also for horny couples looking to try the Kama Sutra! The “Sculpta Sutra” is a claymation kit designed as a “fun, hands-on way for partners to learn more about adventurous love making.” The kit comes complete with enough dough to make two “very flexible sex instructors” who, with the help of a handy dandy guidebook featuring over 30 positions, will tell you everything you need to know about the ancient art of doing it. The kit does not come complete with an artistic gene, however, so your Position #14 may still look like mush. [BaronBob.com] [Link contains clay penises so is therefore NSFW.] Keep reading »
Sex can do a lot of things. It can get you knocked up, give you an STD, or make you feel glorious, and doctors and researchers just love spouting off the benefits of having a healthy sex life. Some of us, however, don’t have that going for us. Whether you’re just having a dry spell or you’re saving yourself for marriage, here’s how to get the same benefits you would if you were boning.
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Is your love life in a tizzy? Feeling trapped in a scandalous situation that only cosmic forces can pull you out of? Looking for answers that only fate can provide? If so, then you’ve come to the right place — right to the presence of Kiki T., the one and only Astrosexologist Extraordinaire and overall moral authority. Spill your sexy secrets and find out how to satisfy yourself celestially. By learning all the astrological ins and out to love and lust, you can realize that getting some control isn’t necessarily light years away. Sure, Kiki’s FriskyScopes are awesome, but aren’t you hungering for more….specific advice? Head to Kiki’s board on The Frisky Forums and post a question about your own sex/love life — just be sure to include as much astrological info as possible so Kiki knows who she’s workin’ with.
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For the week of March 24-30, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Self-possession is 9/10th the way to turn on any object of desire. Remember you’re the sign of fearlessness and thrive on challenge. You’re a warrior and failure is never an option. Repeat this to yourself often, like putting on armor and then ready yourself for that fated moment this week when you’ll finally be face-to-face with that hot someone you’ve been eyeing.
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“What’s the best way to exit an awkward morning-after?” — Pullin’ The Slip in Akron, OH
Planning a hit and run? The best way to get out of dodge is usually the most obvious. Tell your boy-toy you’ve got plans. If it’s a weekday, tell him you’ve got an early work meeting. If it’s a weekend, tell him you’ve got brunch plans with your girlfriends. If you’re not into this guy, be sure you don’t sugarcoat the goodbye speech, or you could get a stage-five clinger. Try not to say things like, “I’ve got to go, but I really want you to call me.” Or, “I’ve got to run but I’d love to see what our kids would look like.” If he tries to ask for your number on the way out and you don’t want to talk to him again, use the same line girls have been hearing for years: tell him you had a really nice time last night, but you’re just getting over somebody and aren’t ready to start something new. You might break his little heart…but at least you won’t have to break your phone.
Got a burning question for our amazingly wise Nookie Know-It-All? Email it to email@example.com. Don’t worry, we’ll keep your deets between us.
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