For some, the pleasure of returning text messages is one that should be denied. The Textercuff, part handcuff, part thumb gag, is the perfect sex toy for restraining your technology addict from the instant gratification he desires. Deny him the touch of his iPhone, shame him for being too plugged in, make him beg to tap the keys, punish him until he knows who’s the boss of his text messages. Then release his thumb from bondage and let him have at it. I’m dubbing this Kinkology. [Gizmodo]
Bringing new meaning to the phrase “before the body gets cold,” Egypt is considering a new law that will allow Egyptian husbands to have sex with their dead wife’s corpse up to six hours after death. But don’t get your panties in a knot, ladies. Wives can have sex with their dead husbands’ corpse as well, because the issue at hand is whether marriage is still in effect after death. (Unless rigor mortis sets in southward, we don’t much see the point.) This very important matter of “farewell intercourse” is just one of many measures Egypt’s Islamist-dominated parliament is considering; the others are not so what-the-fuck as they are human rights abuses. Other laws being considered would restrict women’s access to education and employment and lower the minimum marriage age to 14. Pardon my pun, but those are the real issues here, even if they’re not as sexy as the necrophilia law. [Al-Arabiya; Daily Mail UK]
Sometimes, you open your sex toy drawer and think, I really wish my sex toys weren’t so generic. If only they were more … original, more handmade, more artsy, more a reflection of my individual, sexual expression. Well, Etsy has you covered. Click through to see some crafty adult toys for your one-of-a-kind sex life.
This nude motorbike passenger was pulled over in Romania, but not for riding in her birthday suit. A traffic cop ticketed “the modern day Lady Godiva” for not wearing a helmet. “He gave her a warning and a ticket and told her and her companion to ride on,” said a witness. And that’s exactly what she did. She put on a helmet and hopped right back on that bike, still totally nude. Good for her, for having the confidence to ride without clothing. But I suppose the cop should have considered the dangers a naked woman might cause other drivers. Ogling accidents. [Metro UK]
A doctor, a dentist, and an alternative medicine practitioner were all secretly filmed offering to perform or arrange female genital mutilation (FGM), according to the UK Guardian. FGM involves removing all or part of the external female genitalia, and sometimes sewing the opening to the vagina shut. It’s all supposedly for the purpose of making it impossible for a woman to have sex for pleasure and therefore ensuring her “purity” upon marriage.
The so-called “female circumcisions” are performed on girls as young as 5 and is widespread across Africa; you can read more about FGM on the World Health Organization’s web site. Thankfully, human rights and women’s rights activists across the continent are condemning the horrific procedure. As such, both performing FGM and arranging for it to be performed are illegal in the UK. But that doesn’t stop FGM from occurring in the UK: the Guardian claims 100K women in the country have been mutilated. I hope those doctors know FGM carries a 14 year prison sentence and are shaking in their boots/heels. [Guardian UK; Telegraph UK]
Sometimes there are no words for the way you are feeling, and you just have to come up with one instead. Usually, the Germans are my go-to people for words to describe things you can’t really describe in English, because hello, they’ve got awesome terms like zeitgeist and gestalt and kindergarten (okay, maybe not that last one so much). So allow us to introduce you to a word I just made up: Sexenschadenfreude. It pertains to the particular kind of schadenfreude you feel when discovering that someone you don’t like is sleeping with someone who is kind of gross.
Origin: Sex + Schadenfreude, which is when you revel in the pain and suffering of others (oh, come on, sometimes it happens).
Example: “God, ever since Stacy and I got in that fight, I’ve been having a major bout of sexenschadenfreude over her and her crappy boyfriend Steve. I bet he has the tiniest penis ever.”
Have you ever felt Sexenschadenfreude?