He liked to talk in bed — a lot, and always dirty — and, as part of his rhetorical repertoire, he liked to tell me about other women he’d been with while he was getting me off. He’d whisper in my ear about how this one went down on him while he told her what a whore she was, or how that one responded when he called her a slut while she was on her knees in front of him. When I told him he wasn’t allowed to call other women by my name — “slut” — anymore, he kissed me so hard I couldn’t breathe and nailed me until I couldn’t see straight. Keep reading »
No, no, no, Lindsay Lohan is not going to be in a porn — her new co-star on a flick called “The Canyons” – has a long history in pornography. James Deen appeared in hundreds of adult films and as our own Julie put it, it’s all because of his “nerd appeal.” He and LiLo are expected to star in the thriller about twentysomethings on a “quest for power, love, sex and success in 2012 Hollywood,” written by American Psycho author Bret Easton Ellis. Should be fun.
Now let’s get to know James Deen … in the most safe-for-work way we possibly can. Keep reading »
I’m pretty sure that the best thing to come out of the nation’s obsession with mommy porn series 50 Shades of Grey is this video of Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb fondling ben wa balls on “The Today Show.” Ben Wa balls, of course, are shoved up inside your vagina to stimulate and encourage greater orgasms. I wonder if Kathie Lee took a set home…
It’s Murphy’s Law of unexpected sex: If you are wearing the most unfortunate/unflattering/complicated article of clothing, you will be getting laid. If you get all dolled up in your favorite “f**k me” outfit with your wrinkle-proof dress, new La Perla lingerie and freshly shaved legs it’s almost a guarantee that no man will so much as glance at you. But put on your pajamas to go get toilet bowl cleaner at the drug store, and the hottest man you’ve ever seen will invite you over to his place. Why? We don’t know. This is just how spontaneous sex happens. It’s not fair. But life isn’t fair. You have to roll with it. Hike up those PJ pants and pray he doesn’t notice the chocolate stains. After all, you never know when you’ll have the opportunity again. The worst things you can be wearing when the penis of your dreams arises … Keep reading »
Colorado man, Kenneth Dejoie, got more than a roast beef sandwich when he visited his local Arby’s two years ago. Dejoie claims that he was “utilizing the urinal in the men’s restroom when it caused a jet of steam to shoot forth from the urinal and burn his genitals.” When he reported the incident to one of the employees he responded with “This happens when the sink in the kitchen is running.” That answer didn’t satisfy the man with the scalded sausage, so he decided to sue the fast food chain. He is seeking damages for financial losses, for not being able to have sex with his wife and for their all-around crappy food. I just added that last part. Something about the color of their roast beef has never seemed right to me. Now I understand why: They cook it in the urinal. We hope Dejoie and his penis get the compensation they deserve. Keep on clicking to hear about more really insane penis accidents. [CBS Denver]
As you are well-aware, men’s love affair with the female breast goes back centuries, perhaps to the beginning of time (before chomping on the apple, Adam may not have known the significance of Eve’s frontal accoutrements, but he knew what he liked). Guys go out of their way to get a glimpse of them at every opportunity, and spend obscene amounts of hard-earned cash just to watch nubile hotties bare their bounteous assets in seedy, sweaty, prurient palaces, ironically referred to as, “gentlemen’s clubs.” Such is our complete infatuation with your blessed bosom.
But why this udder devotion? And what specifically draws us to your mellifluous mammaries? Read on as I try to offer a little insight into mans’ magnificent obsession.
1) We like how your breasts look: Contrary to what you may think, regardless of size, we find your boobs fascinating. Whether they’re large and luxurious or small and sporty, we’re hot for your hooters. And while individual men may have a preference for a particular size or shape, overwhelmingly we’re enticed by your charms, be they pendulous or pert, pouty or protuberant. Read more …