Today in tastelessness: the Navy SEAL raid on Osama bin Laden‘s Pakistan compound will be sexily immortalized forever in “This Ain’t Bin Laden XXX,” a new parody porn debuting this summer by Hustler. An Osama bin Laden porn is something the al-Qaeda top dog would have appreciated, said Hustler’s Video Director of Operations Rob Smith. “We’re pretty sure from what we’ve heard that bin Laden was a big fan of Hustler,” Smith said. (Now that’s a celebrity endorsement!) “He was looking at porn, now porn is looking at him. See, it all comes full circle.” You almost had me at the promise of Navy SEALs, but really, I can’t get into a porn about someone who murdered over 3,000 people in my country. Also, that beard. I would like to read the casting notice for the Osama bin Laden parody porn, though. [The Daily What] Keep reading »
According to a group of sexologists from the Universite Catholique de Louvain in Belgium, you can determine with 81.25 percent accuracy whether or not a woman has had a vaginal orgasm at some point in her life. How you, ask? By the way she walks. Researchers found that women who had experienced vaginal (not clitoral) climaxes were 80 percent more likely to walk with longer strides, greater pelvic rotation, and with leg muscles neither loose not locked, a “gait that comprises fluidity, energy, sensuality, and freedom.” So basically, she walks “sexy”? Like she just got laid? This orgasm stride sounds very difficult to spot with the untrained eye. Much easier if you are a professional sexologist, which sounds like the most awesome job ever. [Cracked, NIH] Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I are visiting a sex shop this weekend in an effort to take our love life to the next level. I bought a vibrator online once, used it a few times, lost interest, and started using my fingers again. Other than that, I am basically a sex toy virgin. And so is he. But we want to change that. I am determined for us to step into that sex shop as novices and walk out buzzing, vibrating, lubed up pros. Or at least on our way to becoming pros. I did some research, asked around, and made my sexy wish list. After the jump, some user-friendly items to get our toy life started. Your suggestions are more than welcome.
Guys, I’d like to come to the defense of Lindsay Lohan. No, not for stealing/”borrowing” that jewelry. And not for making the movie “I Know Who Killed Me,” either. No, I’d like to defend Lindsay for showing up to her first day of community service without a bra on. Because who among us hasn’t walked out of the house without a bra on and realized a half hour later that maybe going without was a bad idea? Happened to me the other day. I went to walk my dog and pick up some tacos for lunch wearing just a loose sweatshirt. I took a look at myself when I passed a reflective surface and, holy crap, I did not realize my tits so obviously jiggled. I felt almost naked. I crossed my arms and hurried home, sans tacos. So, I’ve been there, Linds. I stand with you in stupidly bra-less solidarity. And so do these 29 other sexy braless stars!
I have … hold on, let me count … five vibrators. While I don’t flaunt them — i.e., they’re not laying out on my bedside table for guests to ogle — I don’t pretend not to have them. I am an empowered woman! I masturbate! I am the master of my own orgasm! Roar! Or rather, purrrrr…
But I gotta admit, if a dude I liked confessed to using a sex toy, like, say, a Fleshlight, to masturbate, I would be weirded out. It’s hypocritical, no doubt, but I’m not alone. Am I part of a sex toy double standard? Keep reading »
I used to trade back rubs for blow jobs. Not with strangers, of course. With my boyfriend at the time. And not half-assed, sitting in front of him on couch with the TV on back rubs either; no, I’m talking lights off, candles burning, soothing background music, scented oil back massages for at least 20 minutes. When he was done, I would sit up, he would lie down, and I would return the favor with oral sex. I wasn’t half-assed about it either; it was often to fruition, although about 40 percent of the time — unless I was on my period — the back massage would get me revved up and we would end up humping. Either way, it was always a successful exchange of services that left both of us satisfied.
This is what Kelly Oxford, writing in GQ, calls “sex bartering,” and she suggests couples everywhere “put sexual favors on the table and start negotiating.” Keep reading »
Apparently in Australia, female libidos are ruled by fairies instead of hormones. “Every time a man lies in bed pretending not to hear a crying child, a female libido fairy dies,” wrote a father of two. A clever reference to Peter Pan indeed, but I don’t get it. I mean, I get it. A woman would be less likely to want to have sex with her husband if she hasn’t been up all night tending to a crying child. But what does that have to do with fairies? “Libido fairies” explained after the jump. Keep reading »
Was this false advertising or did this life size inflatable doll also serve wine? I guess we would have had to find out during our free 10-day trial. If so, that would have been $8.95 well spent. [Vintague] Keep reading »
I was 14 and I was having slippery feelings. I was having them for Roelle, the sophomore with giant tits who told me she liked my shirt, before crawling under a wool blanket to make out with her boyfriend on the front lawn of the high school. I was having them for Eleanor, who told me it was her dad’s birthday the three times I asked her to hang out. I was even having them for Colleen, who was only 4’7”, and who ate her height in Taco Bell tacos, and who therefore smelled like she had been bathing in a vat of expired salsa. Keep reading »
On Tuesday’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show,” teensy-tiny actress Hayden Panettiere, who’s 5-foot-1, told DeGeneres that fans are always approaching her and asking how she manages to have sex with her boyfriend, 6-foot-6 Ukrainian heavyweight boxer Wladimir Klitschko. “I get the rudest prudest people coming up to me, and they’re like, ‘Does it work?’” Panettiere said. “Yeah, it works. We find a way.” She went on to say that the people who are the most curious about their bedroom habits are conservative types. Well, call me a pervert (or would it be a prude?), but after I heard that little anecdote, I started to wonder the same thing about … well, everybody. It can’t be easy for Kim Kardashian, 5-foot-2, and her current ’baller beau, Kris Humphries, 6-foot-9, to get horizontal. Same goes for everyday couples with different proportions that we see walking down the street hand in hand. So how can partners who have totally different body types have the hottest sex possible? A few of the country’s top sexperts offered their opinions on the perfect down-and-dirty positions for “mismatched” partners…