I’m sure this will come as a shock, but I’ve been around the block a few times. I’ve had a handful of serious relationships, a few regular fuck buddies over the years, and, well, enough one-night stands that I could probably write petition for a grant and write a sex study based on my personal experiences. Instead, I’ll share my findings directly with you! In this episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I’m breaking down just some of the things I’ve learned from having one-night stands.
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Believe it or not, saying goodbye your virgin hair is a lot like losing your actual virginity. Whether you’re getting highlights, lowlights, or a full-head dye job, altering your natural hair color for the first time, especially as a full-grown adult, can be pretty terrifying … but also exciting!
I recently decided to undergo a hair transformation myself, and while it wasn’t super drastic, it was enough of a change that I still felt all the feelings. Dirty blonde up until this time last week, I decided I wanted to lighten my locks with a full head of highlights and go blonder for the first time ever. So I did. And now I’m MUCH blonder. Believe it or not, I found that parting ways with my former hair was a lot like having sex for the first time all over again. Let me explain… Keep reading »
I’m guessing Rihanna is taking Shailene Woodley’s advice and giving her vagina a little Vitamin D. Check out a whole mess more of RiRi’s naked ass over at The Superficial. [Photo: INF Daily]
I’m writing this on an airplane from Toronto, Ontario, to San Francisco, California. I’ve just spent six days among other women, other queers, other porn performers, and other feminists at the Feminist Porn Awards and the Feminist Porn Conference. In that time, I have witnessed moments that made my heart soar, my eyes tear up with love and the fiercest of joys, pride in the people I hold close to me. I have experienced moments that hurt my heart, that disappointed me, moments that underlined how privilege can alienate and divide us. I spoke to academics, I spoke to sex workers, I spoke to sex workers who were academics. It was a weekend of realizations, inspiration, determination … and I came away from it all feeling exhilarated and ready to change the world.
I also realized that the sex wars are still very much A Thing. There are still Good Feminists and Bad Feminists, though the definition of which is which varies depending on who you ask. It’s saddening to see us fighting each other, women who have been called prudes for asserting their sexual choices attacking women who have been called whores for asserting their sexual choices … and vice versa. This is, of course, exactly what the patriarchy wants. While we bicker about whether or not porn is empowering, we are being systematically marginalized, turned away from jobs, thrown out of school, our kids and our workspaces and our money and our privacy taken away from us. The act of having sex on film or any other sex work may empower some and humiliate others, or we might start feeling one way and eventually feel another. (The same holds true for food service workers, though we ask that question far less often). In our current culture we are all experiencing and navigating the effects of capitalist patriarchy. Keep reading »
If there are a million ways to do something wrong, there should be at least a few ways to do a thing right. In this series, Janet and Emily tackle your questions from two different perspectives. The result, we hope, is two right answers.
Janet is a stone-cold rationalist, baker, and monotreme from Australia. Her boobs played the field briefly before marrying themselves off to a skier-dude. Emily is from the Midwest, and is a single, straight, agnostic, whiskey-drinking softball player who’d love to use her Pinterest wedding board before all the pics go out of style. Both Janet and Emily are writers and comedians in New York.
I live with my Mom and Dad (still), so every time my boyfriend and I have sex we do it at my boyfriend’s house. Well, he lives with roommates and always seems to initiate sex when there are other people around. The walls are thin, so he is trying to be discreet, but it has become really obvious when we are having sex because he plays music loudly to drown out any noise. On the one hand, I like music to get in the mood. But it’s also weird to me that people will hear it and know it’s the “special” music — like will they associate Chris Isaac with nookie because it broadcast the fact we were getting busy in the next room? I am not embarrassed about sex, but I would like a little more discretion for everyone involved. – Not Looking For An Audience Keep reading »
If you had plans for tonight, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna wanna cancel them. Because the Miley Cyrus porn parody is out today! “Wrecking Ballz,” according to synopsis, “follows the adventures of America’s pill-popping princess Molly, as she sucks and fucks her way to stardom with Hollywood’s hottest celebs. With pseudo appearances by Beyonce, Liam Hemsworth, Robin Thicke, and Justin Beiber look-alikes, this A-list fuck fest is sure to make headlines and turn heads.” I just watched the extremely NSFW trailer and SPOILER ALERT, Miley, I mean Molly totally goes down on Fakeyonce. Scandalous! Don’t worry, I have no intention of taking this one out for a test rub — I only masturbate to D-list celeb porn, not porn parodies. (I have standards.) Anyway, given that Miley has been fairly open about her sexuality, I’m genuinely curious what she thinks about being the subject of a porn parody. Do tell, Smilerz. [Vice]
Rumors about the existence of Demi Lovato “nude pics” have been floating around the internet since August, but they haven’t surfaced until now. To be honest, with the exception of one nipple shot and a glimpse of some butt, these do not live up to the usual hype. Unless of course you’re actually excited about Wilmer Valderrama’s annoying face being in about half of the other sort of sexy bedroom shots. Wilmer wants to be the real star of these pics, but that honor goes to Demi’s amazing eyebrow game. Click through to see the full set, including the one NSFW shot with Demi’s nips. The lighting is pretty great in a lot of these, though I do enjoy what Demi did with the sepia filter in this shot. Ass up has never looked so old-timey! [Dlisted]
Maybe you didn’t know it, but Amazon.com offers sex machines. More importantly, Amazon offers customer reviews for each one of those sex machines, because even though it may not always feel like it, the Internet runs on altruism. For every Nigerian Prince, every subscription wall, every online convenience fee, there are 10 more people who aren’t asking for any money at all and who just want to help you find the best electrical appliance to hump. I was amazed to see that even in a massive online store, where real names and purchases and recommended products are attached to every profile right out in the light where everyone can see, not even the risk of utter humiliation outweighs the human desire to lend a hand. Read more on Cracked…