Once again I was looking at Cosmo, furrowing intensely and wondering where on earth they come up with their nonsense. I do this from time to time because I follow them on Twitter (don’t ask me why.) I also like to give my brow a workout with all the aforementioned furrowing.
In this episode of Cosmo forces Chatel to face-palm, they gathered up some of the lies men tell to get into the pants of the ladies:
You already know men will do anything to get a woman into bed—especially when she’s as awesome as you are. And they’re rarely slick about it. That’s why we asked you to tweet us the biggest doozies you’ve heard from dudes in search of a little nooky. Get ready to LOL at these weak lines. Keep reading »
Hey, do you think this lip gloss ad from Vbeauté might have anything to do with … well … vaginas? Nah. What about that dress? No vaginas there either, right? [Refinery29]
It’s always a bit uncomfortable when famous women accidentally (or on purpose) overshare about what kind of hairstyles they’re rocking down south. Recently, a chance to have dinner with Gwyneth Paltrow was auctioned off to a pair of Australian DJs for $30,000. Why they paid that much, I don’t know. But luckily they were recording the whole thing because during their date with Gwyneth, she had a few too many drinks and talked about her vadge:
“‘I got a big ’70s bush.’ Which I was kidding. But then it was all a disaster. And now I look like an eight-year-old girl, basically …. Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down …. Cheers to our hairless vaginas!”
I don’t know what feels more uncomfortable to know: the fact that Gwyneth’s vagina looks like her daughter’s or that Cameron Diaz restrains her while she gets waxed. Well, at least she wasn’t complaining about how boring the Met Gala was. That’s really bad first date conversation. [WOW]
Click through for more details about famous ladies’ pubic hairstyles.
So I watched “Teen Mom” Farrah Abraham’s sex tape/porno/whatever with James Deen (yes, I’m part of the problem) and I, like others, couldn’t help but notice Farrah was having difficulty getting James completely erect via oral. That is … embarrassing, to say the least. It’s one thing to be blowing the flaccid mass of a guy who’s wasted or high or whatever because that’s out of your control. But when you can’t get a dude whose job it is to get hard on command excited … it’s a bit of a problem.
If you watched Farrah’s performance and didn’t even bat an eyelash upon seeing that James was only semi-hard, this post is for you. While there are guys out there who genuinely don’t care for oral, I think it’s a pretty safe assumption that most do. Luckily, giving enjoyable head to a guy is a fairly easy-ish endeavor. (Though, ladies with sensitive gag reflexes/jaw tension, I totally feel your pain). Every guy is different, but if you’re new to doing it or want a refresher, here are some general guidelines to experiment with (no scrunchies required). Read more on College Candy…
When you ride public transportation you’re bound to have some unsavory seat mates. It’s inevitable. I recall riding the bus once with a man carrying a giant boa constrictor in a tote bag. That was a long ride. I’ve tried to block it out but I can’t. At least three unfortunate women taking the Trimet bus in Portland had the great misfortune of riding with Jared Weston Walter, the man arrested for ejaculating into their hair. A Trimet surveillance camera captured Walter standing behind women, pleasuring himself and releasing his special protein treatment onto their heads. Well, I think that earns him the worst seat mate award. He’s also earned some charges: sex abuse, harassment, disorderly conduct, public indecency and interfering with public transportation. Keep reading »
Hello, Child Protective Services? “Teen Mom” and erstwhile porn star Farrah Abraham told a radio station that she’s saved a “baby box” for her toddler Sophia, which she plans to hand over when her daughter is “around 13 or 14, gets her period and is like ‘Oh, I kinda want a boyfriend.’” In it, she’s got all the episodes of “Teen Mom,” her book, and … the porno she filmed with James Deen. Or, as Farrah insists on calling it, her “sex tape.” Why, you might ask, would a 7th or 8th grade girl want to watch a porn film starring her mother? Farrah doesn’t have an explanation herself, but she seems to think that getting one’s period is a sign of advanced sexual maturity and not just, like, part of puberty. There’s nothing wrong with filming a porn, or being a sex worker, and also being a parent. There’s nothing wrong with being a teen parent, either. What is wrong is involving your kid in that confusing (and frankly, gross — no kid wants to know about their mom’s sex life!) realm before the kid is mature enough to mentally and emotionally process it. While I can admire Farrah’s stance as a parent that “I do not hide things,” she obviously isn’t thinking with her Responsible Parenting Cap on with this one. [Celebitchy] [Photo: Pacific Coast News]
People who are terrified of bees, or the thought of human beings having sexual intercourse with bees, or the thought of dying, please be forewarned that you may find what I am about to tell you highly disturbing. A 35-year-old Swedish man known as “Hasse” was found dead outside of his farm this week in Ystad after having sex with a hornets’ nest. Let that sink in for a moment. Sex with bees. SOMEONE WANTED TO FUCK A SWARM OF HORNETS.
Hasse’s bloated corpse had a total of 146 wasp stings, including 54 on his penis and balls. At this point you might be thinking to yourself, OK. So this guy got stung to death. That’s awful. It happened Macaulay Culkin in “My Girl” and I bawled my face off. But how did they know Hasse died specifically from having sex with a hornets’ nest? Oh, because they found Hasse’s semen on some of the dead wasps and his pubic hair in their nest. Keep reading »
So, you’re naturally a screamer whose partner has to put a pillow over your mouth when you’re having an orgasm. You’ve probably resented this at some point, because when you’re cumming, instead of reveling in pleasure, you’re thinking about who heard you and thought you were getting your organs harvested against your will. Your loudness might have left you envious of those quiet types who let out one tiny sigh when they cum. WTF is that all about? Maybe you’ve even fantasized about, at the very least, being a grunter because it would be better to sound like a cavewoman than a murder victim when you have sex. At least dogs wouldn’t bark every time you climax and your stupid, nosy neighbors would stop making jokes about you being a porn star. You’re just enjoying yourself and that’s what it sounds like, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH! It’s time to stop feeling shame about your natural sex noises and start seeking out situations where screamers are welcome. Here are some ideas for where you can take your loud orgasms… Keep reading »
If your parents have ever hassled you about a no-good, worthless jerk you’ve been dating, it’s time send Mom and Dad an email saying, “At least I wasn’t dating this guy!” This guy is Billy Gibby, who changed his name to Hostgator Dotcom when he sold his name the the web hosting company Hostgator.com. That’s not the only thing Dotcom’s made a quick buck off of: he earned $50,000 a decade ago getting his entire face tattooed with URLs for porn sites and online casinos. He’s a walking billboard for sleaze! But after learning that Dotcom might want to remove some of those face tats, one of the porn sites, Cam4.com, has offered to pay for the cost of laser tattoo removal. ”They advertised on my face a long time ago … and decided they wanted to help me,” Dotcom told VICE magazine. “They’re just doing it to be nice.” Nice indeed. Just think of all the respectable jobs he could get with one less porn site URL tattooed on his face.
[Daily Dot] [Image via Facebook.com/HostgatorDotcom]