Look, we’re not saying the Pope has anything to do with this, but somebody at the Vatican is getting their rocks off to some hardcore porn on the job. The folks at Torrent Freak discovered that someone with the Vatican’s IP address is downloading tons of very porny porn. Stuff like “Whipped Ass,” “Russian Slaves” and “TS Pussy Hunters.” Plus, a bunch of German pornography. You can see what some of this stuff looks like here, if you’re at home and wanna see some chicks spank and penetrate each other. (Yes, NSFW).
Aside from the porn hijinks, the Vatican’s getting into trouble in another way — they’re illegally downloading a bunch of shit. Back in January, a priest mentioned in an interview that they’d watched “Django Unchained” the night before. The only problem? They watched it in their “in-monastery film club.” Oh, and we’re kind of stoked that the torrent revealed that they’d also been watching “Love, Actually,” too. Big fan of that movie. Other Vatican favorites? “Chicago Fire,” British soap “Neighbours” and “The Americans.” Maybe there are some diehard “Felicity” fans at the old Holy See? [Torrent Freak]
I often find myself marveling at people’s innovative (and illegal) public masturbation sessions. Like the guy who emptied a vacuum cleaner in a neighbor’s home and then pleasured himself on the dirty floor or the woman who diddled herself on a Florida highway. I know both of these self-love sessions ended in arrest, and I don’t condone crimes where anyone feels violated, obviously, but I can’t help but be in awe of how much trouble they went through just to get off!
This week, William Blakely wins the creative/illegal masturbation award. The former Mount Carmel, Tennessee, Vice-Mayor is facing charges of indecent and reckless endangerment and criminal attempt to commit aggravated assault for jerking off out of the window of his car while he was driving 90 miles per hour. I mean, how do you even achieve that? Keep reading »
According to a new study of women Down Under — no, really, it was in Australia — women really are attracted to men with larger penises.
In the study, 105 women viewed naked men of various heights who all had flaccid penises and rated them on sexual attractiveness. As TIME explained, researchers found that shorter men with larger penises were seen as more attractive than shorter men with shorter penises and that tall men are kinda screwed because their height may make their penis look smaller. But have no fear, small dick-ed dudes: overall, women rated body shape as more important to attraction than penis size.
Frankly, we think any penis that isn’t bratwurst-sized works just fine. It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean and all that. But that’s not to say certain penises don’t stick out (no pun intended) in our minds … Keep reading »
Me: I’m sorry! It’s just not going in!
Him: Don’t worry – we can always try later…
Me: I’m really sorry! I’m just so scared! (Sobbing. Tearful search for bra.) What if this never works?
That was me and my now-fiancé during one of many abortive attempts to have sex for the first time.
For years, I viewed sex as something like the Ark of the Covenant in “Indiana Jones”: immensely powerful and great beyond belief, but if you tried to use it in an unrighteous way the wrath of God would melt your face off.
I grew up in a church which, like many churches, taught us that sex before marriage was Wrong with a capital W. To their credit, they also taught us that sex within marriage was brilliant, but still. This was a church where one of the pastors hadn’t even kissed his wife until their wedding day. We also learned that in courting situations (we were discouraged from the secular institution of dating; “courting” was the spiritually safe alternative) girls should also dress modestly because men’s thoughts so easily fall into temptation. Although a heated moment could seduce us into wanting sex ourselves, the message was that boys wanted sex and girls shouldn’t give it to them until the wedding night. A quick scan through my own experience, however – especially late at night – would have revealed that girls could feel the pull of temptation just as much as boys.The nature of that temptation was never really discussed. The few teenagers in the church were too embarrassed to ask about it; I know I was. It also didn’t help that this was a church full of middle-aged and elderly Asian people who did not talk about sex. Keep reading »