At the tender age of 19, I had only seen a total of four penises: the guy who got into my bed naked after a rave in high school; my boyfriend who I lost my virginity to senior year; the balding dorm mate who I gave an unfortunate blow job to while a James Bond movie played in the background; the older dude I had casual sex with my entire freshman year and most of my sophomore year of college. I had only slept with two of these penises, but this I assure you, all four were of modest size. (I can say this with confidence now that I’m older and have seen many a dick.)
This is where I was at in my sexual evolution when I started dating William*. He lived in my dorm sophomore year and came over sometimes to hang out and wanted to listen to, of all things, Tori Amos. I know! A 19-year-old boy who likes Tori Amos? William’s admission of Tori Amos fandom made him instantaneously more attractive to me. Not that he wasn’t already attractive. With his bleached-blond hair, piercings and post-punk style, when he leaned over and kissed me as “Pretty Good Year” played on my stereo then leaned over and whispered, “I want to fuck you on my balcony,” I felt something I had never experienced before: raging desire. Keep reading »
If you actually follow these dumb sex tips, then you deserve the confused stare or slap upside the head you’re going to get. These tips, found on the Internet, are 100 percent dumb.
The Internet is a great place to find directions, recipes, or funny photos of cats. It is not a suitable place to find serious medical diagnoses, thoughtful political opinions, or advice on how to spice up your love life. Seriously, one of the dumb sex tips we found involved placing a donut on a part of the body that doesn’t need to have a donut placed around it. Another sex tip suggests playing the unsexy game “Do you have prostate cancer”?
This list gives you one piece of totally responsible sex advice, and then 13 tips that are guarunteed to keep you from ever having to seek out sex tips again. Read more…
Valentina, Brazil’s first life-like sex doll, is being called the world’s finest Real Doll with her “green eyes, fleshy lips, full breasts and a body that inspires envy in all women.”
God, I feel solo jealous right now of this SEX DOLL that I can barely finish writing this. Deep breath.
In conjunction with Valentina’s debut at Sao Paulo’s International Exhibition of Inflatable Dolls, online sex shop Sexônico is taking a cue from women like Catarina Migliorini and is auctioning Valentina’s virginity. The highest bidder will not only get to deflower Valentina, but will also win a prize package that includes a night with her in the Presidential Suite at the Swing Motel in Sao Paulo, a candlelight dinner with French champagne, and an aromatic bath with rose petals. Keep reading »
Your annual visit to the lady doctor isn’t necessarily the most pleasant way to spend an afternoon. Between the poking, prodding and your casual evasion of pointed questions like “How many drinks do you have a week?”, going to the the gynecologist is a necessary but not entirely awesome experience. I usually leave the gynecologist with a list of unanswered questions, and I always resolve this situation by taking to Google with a glass of wine, self-diagnosing through the mess of Yahoo! Answers forums and WebMD. It goes without saying that this never really works out for the best. This time, we’ve decided to do the work for you! We consulted the best of the best on the Internet to come up with answers to all those burning questions that feel a little too personal to ask your doctor. Keep reading »
In the days before the Internet, teenagers had basically two options to learn the ins and outs of boning. They amounted to either A) scrambled cable softcore, which was like watching two swarms of bees fighting in a motel room made of non-Euclidean geometry, or B) chancing upon a drifter’s cache of Juggs secreted away in the woods behind the neighborhood liquor store.
Nowadays, young folks don’t have to hazard a vagrant named “Clawhammer Jack” double-fisting bottles of cooking sherry to learn coital choreography. (Spoiled rotten, they are.) No, they can just turn to Wikipedia, that website known throughout the land for drowning the Encyclopedia Britannica factory in unwanted knowledge and tears. Read more…