My college best friend and I coined the term “bipolar week.” It was used to describe a week filled with both overwhelmingly amazing events and truly terrible moments: winning a prestigious award and then getting dumped by your boyfriend, or perhaps acing a midterm and losing a childhood pet. When reflecting on this past week, in terms of LGBT rights, I could really only describe it as a week “having or relating to two poles or extremities.” The highs: two cases before the Supreme Court to treat gays and lesbians like, you know, actual people.
The low you ask? Well the low can be found in Kansas. It’s so ridiculous it might as well be a perverse Oz: a bill passed in the State Senate which has language that would quarantine those who are HIV-positive or have AIDS. I would insert a Judy Garland joke about being a gay icon, but this is really not a laughing matter. It’s completely f**ked! Keep reading »
Of course J&D Foods, the company responsible for baconlube and bacon shaving cream, have made bacon condoms. Not only do they smell and taste like pork, when you put them on, your penis looks like a strip of bacon. So basically, every inch of your business will be transformed into a greasy, smoked meat stick. If that last sentence turned you on whatsoever, you can buy a three-pack of bacon condoms for $9.99. But really? Do people like bacon that much? Help me understand please. [LA Times]
The downside to getting laid, if there has to be a downside, is dealing with the aftermath. Once the guy has gone home, it’s just you and your vagina left to process the whole thing. This can become particularly panic-inducing if something’s itchy down there or if your period is late or days have gone by and you haven’t heard word one from him. This is when the beauty of the act gets tainted by extreme post-sex anxiety. Don’t let yourself spiral into a full-blown freakout. Really, it’s not worth losing your marbles over what is most likely a yeast infection. You’re going to be fine! Seriously! Everything is going to be OK! These animals have comforting words and friendly advice to help you with any sex-related freak out you might currently be experiencing.
“I’m willing to bet his problem is his balls … Balls cause the most bulges. His penis is not going down his pant leg like mine. I prefer constriction myself … As you get older, your balls drop and need support. If it’s his penis that’s causing the problem, he can point it up like European men … He needs to just nod and chuckle, but not answer any questions.”
– Jonah Falcon, the man with the world’s largest penis, gives Jon Hamm unsolicited advice on how to handle his bulge. I just kept reading this over and over again thinking, This isn’t real. Point it up like European men? Is that a thing? I’m dying.I’m sorry Jon Hamm, I know you’ll think I’m rude for posting this, I just couldn’t resist. [Huffington Post]
And you thought you had a rough day at the office: a prostitute in Zimbabwe passed out during sex with her john. As she was being placed inside a coffin, she suddenly woke up and began screaming, “You want to kill me!”, thus freaking everyone the f**k out. The woman, identified as MaNdlo, reportedly collapsed and “died” on the job at the Manor Hotel in Bulowayo, Zimbabwe. Authorities wasted no time putting MaNdlo inside a steel coffin, as they assumed her cold body mean she was dead. Nope! “It was like a movie,” The Huffington Post quoted a source ”People were running away in different directions. It was a scary incident because we were all convinced that she had died because she was just cold. Miracles surely do happen.” Or maybe people just need to learn how to take a pulse. [Huffington Post]