You probably weren’t considering putting an eel up your ass today. But just in case you were, please let this terrible eel-in-anus tale dissuade you from doing such a thing. And if eel-in-anus tales are the kind of things that make you feel uncomfy, you probably should stop reading now because I’m going to regale you with all the deets, gory enough to make Richard Gere and his gerbil ass blush. Keep reading »
Hello there. I’ve spent a good portion of my morning trying to learn all there is to know about Pad Gardner, the guy who is trying to become a pink, disposable maxi pad. To quote Pad’s Tumblr “About Me” section:
“I am a guy that is becoming a pink disposable feminine pad, and later on I will be pressed against a soft vulva for a woman’s period … I have wanted to become a pad since I was 10 years old.”
In my stalking of Pad, I’ve grown quite fond of him. Not fond enough to let him be my pink, Kotex overnight maxi pad, but still, pretty damn fond. After the jump, I’d like to share everything I’ve learned about Pad and I hope you will grow to adore him the way I have. Keep reading »
Look, we’re not saying the Pope has anything to do with this, but somebody at the Vatican is getting their rocks off to some hardcore porn on the job. The folks at Torrent Freak discovered that someone with the Vatican’s IP address is downloading tons of very porny porn. Stuff like “Whipped Ass,” “Russian Slaves” and “TS Pussy Hunters.” Plus, a bunch of German pornography. You can see what some of this stuff looks like here, if you’re at home and wanna see some chicks spank and penetrate each other. (Yes, NSFW).
Aside from the porn hijinks, the Vatican’s getting into trouble in another way — they’re illegally downloading a bunch of shit. Back in January, a priest mentioned in an interview that they’d watched “Django Unchained” the night before. The only problem? They watched it in their “in-monastery film club.” Oh, and we’re kind of stoked that the torrent revealed that they’d also been watching “Love, Actually,” too. Big fan of that movie. Other Vatican favorites? “Chicago Fire,” British soap “Neighbours” and “The Americans.” Maybe there are some diehard “Felicity” fans at the old Holy See? [Torrent Freak]
I often find myself marveling at people’s innovative (and illegal) public masturbation sessions. Like the guy who emptied a vacuum cleaner in a neighbor’s home and then pleasured himself on the dirty floor or the woman who diddled herself on a Florida highway. I know both of these self-love sessions ended in arrest, and I don’t condone crimes where anyone feels violated, obviously, but I can’t help but be in awe of how much trouble they went through just to get off!
This week, William Blakely wins the creative/illegal masturbation award. The former Mount Carmel, Tennessee, Vice-Mayor is facing charges of indecent and reckless endangerment and criminal attempt to commit aggravated assault for jerking off out of the window of his car while he was driving 90 miles per hour. I mean, how do you even achieve that? Keep reading »