By the time I entered my junior year of college, I was convinced that Binghamton University had only three kinds of guys. There were the players. There were the boys who were saving themselves for marriage. And there were the ones who learned about sex from my mother.
A biological anthropologist, my mom taught Intro to Sex and Evolution, which focused on everything from mating systems in the Animal Kingdom to why women go through menopause. Pretty much every student in the life sciences took it. Those who didn’t heard stories of the professor with the sign in her office that read: My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Thus, at the age of 19, I could flawlessly explain the mechanics of seahorse sex, but had only a vague notion of how it might work between two humans. I feared getting into an intimate situation only to have word of it get back to her, or worse, hearing her clinical scientific explanation of it in my head. And if a guy ever mentioned sex and my mother in the same sentence, forget about it. Keep reading »
A few “Parks & Recreation” episodes back, Leslie helped save the local (Jason Schwartz-run) art house video store, but it had unintended consequences. To make money, the store was transformed into a porn warehouse, and a Pawnee-themed porn––including Leslie and Ron-a-likes––was made. It turns out, somebody in the real porn universe must have been watching, because the folks at Wood Rocket TV created “Porks & Recreation,” which includes actually pretty funny parodies of all your favorite “Parks & Rec” characters. Dick Chibbles (try and say that without giggling) as Ron Swanson is actually pretty good, while Aiden Starr plays Leslie Knope. My only qualm is that the idea of Ron and Leslie banging feels way too incest-y. Ron’s like a dad to Leslie! Otherwise, A+ adaptation. [YouTube]
“I’m a reformed slut. [Using the word] is my very unsophisticated way of taking the power back. I’ve always had an issue with, ‘OK, we’ve both decided to do this. Why am I a slut and you’re the player? You didn’t get anything from me that I didn’t get from you.’”
– Pink tells Glamour magazine why she proudly refers to herself as a slut (well, currently in the 7th year of her relationship with Cary Hart, she now calls herself a “reformed slut”). She goes on to mention one unexpected guy who made an appearance in her romantic past: NSYNC’s Joey Fatone! ”He took me to Friendly’s on a date and he bought me an ice cream. Such a sweetheart. He asked my dad’s permission!” This story is bringing me a ridiculous amount of joy. Rock on, Pink. [Us Weekly]
“My doctor actually told me that sex doesn’t count as cardio and working out. And then the next time I saw him he had seen one of my scenes, and he told me, “You are OK.” In the film world, people don’t realize you’re not just having sex. Sex on camera can be anywhere from 20 minutes to four hours. It all depends on the production and type of scene. It’s also not just standard sex, like, “Let’s just make each other’s bodies feel good.” It’s physical, entertainment-style sex. So while you might ride a motorcycle in a certain way when you’re driving to work, if you’re a stunt person and you’re going to ride that motorcycle on camera, you’re going to do a totally different style of motorcycle riding. My whole point is that because of the on-camera sex, I have this insane style of stunt sex. It actually is very physically strenuous. It’s a good workout. All the positioning and weird things. My doctor said so! Doctor-approved workout.”
And here I was thinking that sex, my preferred (and, um, only) form of workout, was a super-sneaky way to get some serious cardio. Not true. Like, at all. Damn you, James Deen’s doctor, damn you! [GQ]
Santa Ana, California, woman Catherine Kieu Becker got really mad at her husband Glen for having an “inappropriate relationship” with someone. So mad that she drugged him, tied him to a bed with nylon ropes, and using a 10-inch knife, cut off his penis. She then threw the penis down the garbage disposal and turned it on, mutilating it beyond repair. Doctors were, not surprisingly, unable to reattach the organ, though Glen has now recovered and is out of the hospital.
On Monday, Becker was convicted of torture and aggravated mayhem. She’s facing life in prison without the possibility of parole. Our serious condolences to Glen.
Glen isn’t the only guy whose penis has been attacked. Of course, there’s the original penis victim, John Wayne Bobbitt, whose wife Lorena cut off his member in the middle of the night. But there are other guys out there whose penises have also been in peril. After the jump, we chronicle their stories. Keep reading »
According to the UK documentary “My Sex Robot,” by the year 2050, most men will either be screwing or be married to a sexbot because “you can not catch a disease from her, she cannot say no to you, she’s always willing to please you.” Lurvely. The future is here in a new ad for the 2014 Kia Forte. The technologically forward thinking commercial features a sexbot passenger hot enough to rev a man’s engine and strong enough to yank his street light. Wink. Wink. [Jezebel]