Me: I’m sorry! It’s just not going in!
Him: Don’t worry – we can always try later…
Me: I’m really sorry! I’m just so scared! (Sobbing. Tearful search for bra.) What if this never works?
That was me and my now-fiancé during one of many abortive attempts to have sex for the first time.
For years, I viewed sex as something like the Ark of the Covenant in “Indiana Jones”: immensely powerful and great beyond belief, but if you tried to use it in an unrighteous way the wrath of God would melt your face off.
I grew up in a church which, like many churches, taught us that sex before marriage was Wrong with a capital W. To their credit, they also taught us that sex within marriage was brilliant, but still. This was a church where one of the pastors hadn’t even kissed his wife until their wedding day. We also learned that in courting situations (we were discouraged from the secular institution of dating; “courting” was the spiritually safe alternative) girls should also dress modestly because men’s thoughts so easily fall into temptation. Although a heated moment could seduce us into wanting sex ourselves, the message was that boys wanted sex and girls shouldn’t give it to them until the wedding night. A quick scan through my own experience, however – especially late at night – would have revealed that girls could feel the pull of temptation just as much as boys.The nature of that temptation was never really discussed. The few teenagers in the church were too embarrassed to ask about it; I know I was. It also didn’t help that this was a church full of middle-aged and elderly Asian people who did not talk about sex. Keep reading »
Texting? It’s more than that. Sexting? Not exactly. Welcome to ‘flirtexting’ — the “sweet nothings” of the digital world.
Emoticons. Acronyms. Hashtags. In order to keep up with our evolving digital culture, we’ve invented plenty of new ways to communicate — and the language of love is no different. Texting with your significant other is one of the best ways to stay connected throughout the day — and it can also be one of the sexiest and most creative. In fact, ‘flirtexting,’ as we like to call it, is practically an art form, and anyone can be a Van Gogh. We asked digital dating and e-flirting expert Laurie Davis, author of Love At First Click, to explain what exactly flirtexting is — and how to master it. Read more on YourTango…
There are many reasons to be in a long-distance relationship. Maybe you met the man of your dreams on spring break in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, and he happens to live in Seattle while you live in Atlanta. Whatever the reason, your relationship is basically restricted to online dating.
You not only miss your significant other, but you’re constantly tortured by watching other lovebirds who aren’t separated by state lines. Mastering the art of Skype sex is crucial to any long-distance relationship, but it only works if the two of you can stop breaking into hysterical laughter and eventually get turned on — resulting in a hot and heavy Internet sexcapade. Let’s take a look at how to have non-awkward Skype sex. Read more on YourTango…
I can endorse sperm as a cure for morning sickness or even as a natural mood booster, but, I’m sorry, I refuse to drink a semen cocktail. We all have to draw the line somewhere and this where I draw mine. I refuse to walk into a bar and order a “Galliano Cum Shot” or a “Slightly Saltier Caviar.”
In the new book Semenology: The Semen Bartender’s Handbook, Paul “Fotie” Photoenhauer, who also wrote Natural Harvest: Collection of Semen Based Recipes, teaches us how to mix selected spirits to enhance the delicate flavors of semen. To quote the Amazon book description:
“Driven by a commitment and passion for the freshly harvested ingredient, Semenology pushes the limits of classic bartending. Semen is often freshly available behind most bar counters and adds a personal touch to any cocktail.”
Since when is semen freshly available behind most bar counters? Never mind. I don’t want to know. This better not become the new mixology trend.[Huffington Post]
I think if Carl Jung was alive, he would call Reddit a sieve for the collective unconscious. Or something like that. Because I’m a total Jungian, I like to spend time on Reddit researching the state of our collective psyche. Not that I need to justify being a Reddit junkie or anything. OK. I’m a Reddit junkie. There! I owned it. Moving on. This week, I stumbled upon a very enlightening AskReddit thread about things women think turn men on, but really aren’t doin’ it for them. We’re sorry, guys. We had no idea that you don’t like it when we treat your balls like fun toys. Check out some of the most interesting things men had to say, in their own words, about the ways in which we are failing to turn them on … unbeknownst to us. Keep reading »
Putting smooth jazz on the stereo, lighting scented candles, dimming the lights; these seduction techniques seem like so much extra work when you consider the latest innovation in hands-free mood setting. “Romance Pants,” a Red Bull Creation entry by Team Instructables, will take the seduction game to a whole new level. These jeans may look ordinary, but they are rigged with gizmos that allow the button and zipper to control the electronics in your apartment. Keep reading »
A recent study of fruit bats found cunnilingus to be a major part of their repertoire. While following a colony of 420 bats roosting in a fig tree over the course of 13 months, researchers witnessed 57 incidences of sex — both oral and intercourse. The female bats who received oral sex before intercourse were found to last longer during copulation. Imagine that. Oh, the power of foreplay.
“Initially, males groomed their penises to go erect before approaching females. When they gently touched females with their wings, females typically moved away, and males followed. When the females stopped moving, the males started licking the females’ vaginas,” reports Live Science.
I have to stop because this bat porn is getting way erotic. All those wild roostings in the fig tree are making me blush. Male bats have officially earned their stripes as the most giving dudes in the animal kingdom.
Click through for some more animals who are known to be orally inclined. [Live Science]
We know you’ve never wanted to know what’s in Sisqo’s pants. But now that the “Thong Song” singer’s nude pics are making the rounds on the interwebs,we know you are curious about his dong da dong dong dong. Click here for full NSFW pics of Sisqo’s trouser snake. Spoiler: he does not wear thongs.Oh, and the “Thong Song” video is after the jump if you feel like reminiscing about the year 2000. [ONTD] Keep reading »