Sexually, I am neither conservative nor incredibly kinky. I like to think of myself as an open-minded chick who will try almost anything once. I don’t know what you all are doing in the bedroom, but I’m going to assume, based on conversations with friends, and the occasional reading of Dan Savage’s column, that I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum when it comes to sexual experimentation. Even though I’m down to try new things, sometimes, I surprise myself with what sexual territory I’m willing to venture into, given the right circumstances. After the jump, a few things I never expected to try in the bedroom and enjoy. Keep reading »
If your sex life sucks as of late, it’s probably not your fault. Feel free to blame your rut on your IKEA bedroom set. At least, that’s what BBC personality Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen is suggesting. “How could anyone enjoy having sex in an Ikea bedroom?” he asked. “I find IKEA’s attitude deeply unsexy … For a start, it’s all flat-pack – it’s going to rattle … That’s not what grown-up sex is like. Grown-up sex should be opera, it should be drama, it should be black velvet and silk, and it should be indulgent and opulent, regardless of how much it costs.” Well, at least it’s not anything you did. That must make you feel better. Just get rid of that MALM bed frame you’ve had since college, splurge on something more opulent and let the opera sex begin. Personal responsibility averted. After the jump, some other things that you can blame your lackluster love life on. Yay excuses! Keep reading »
I was lucky enough to sit down with Cindy Gallop in her ah-mazing Black Apartment (seriously, she could charge entry admission, that’s how cool it was) and find out more about her new site MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, which is endeavoring to socialize the final frontier — our sex lives. The site makes it possible for users to share and watch real world sex, messy bloopers and all. Cindy and I chatted about the difference between the real sex world and the porn world, how to initiate conversations about what you want in bed without bruising your partner’s ego, and the importance of owning a vibrator. Check it out! Oh, and if I look nervous, that’s only because there was a taxidermied snake eating a mongoose just out of frame, staring at me the whole time.
We humans are voyeurs by nature. How else could pornography, reality TV and gossip magazines be as popular as they are? We love to watch other members of our species in action.
When it comes to watching people doing that kind of action, however, many of us—despite our healthy interests in it—can feel apprehensive, shameful or simply unsure of where to start. And based on some of the female-unfriendly porn that’s out there, it’s no surprise we feel this way. But a 2011 study showed that unmarried couples who watch pornography together are actually more committed than their non-viewing brethren. It makes sense: Watching other couples get it on can be a springboard for openly communicating to your partner what makes you feel good—both in and out of the bedroom. Not to mention, you’ve gotta be pretty comfortable with each other to watch erotica together in the first place! Read more…
What do you do if you’re an advice columnist who gets a letter from a young woman with questions about her crush on the twins sisters who make up the band Tegan & Sara? If you’re Dan Savage, you go right to the source and ask Tegan to answer the question for you. A woman wrote to the sex advice columnist saying:
I’ve been confused about my sexuality for two years. I am a 22-year-old female. I liked guys when I was in school, but then, in perhaps the most stereotypical of fashions, I developed a HUGE crush on Tegan and Sara when I was nearly 20…
Does that make me gay, she wondered?
Keep reading »
First date, second date, kiss, have sex, meet the parents, move in, get engaged, get married, have kids.
This is the default for men and women living today in the United States (other countries may vary). Why is this our default?
Mostly because of Disney movies. That’s how we were programmed as a kid and that’s what we assume as adults. We unconsciously mold to this model, even when it’s not what we intended. Sometimes we meet girls and don’t want a relationship. What’s an honest man to do?
The secret is proactive communication. Read more…
As someone who has identified as kinky for over a decade, both professionally and personally, I have to admit I was absolutely appalled when the 50 Shades trilogy first hit the mainstream. I read all three books, and as I read some of the myths and stereotypes, I had to do some deep breathing.
I couldn’t help thinking, “These are the books that have become the cultural reference point for kink?” As I thought this, a bit of my kinky little heart broke. But, my opinion has changed since then.
I still think the books are poorly written and that there is much better erotica out there. Regardless, these are the books that have everyone talking about sex and kink. At this point, the value of that far outweighs some tired writing clichés. Read more…
Sex. The word itself used to make people uncomfortable. But now, more than ever, women are branching out in their sexual behaviors, and discovering what gets them going. From incorporating sex toys in the bedroom to paging through 50 Shades of Grey, women are mixing it up and increasing their pleasure in the process.
It used to be that a woman needed a trench coat, dark sunglasses and a non-descript hat to cover up her curiosity while scanning the shelves at a sex shop. Now, it only takes a walk through the local drug-store to find name-brand vibrators in the aisle next to the condoms. The next time you’re feeling inspired to try something new with your partner, incorporate one of these five bold moves into the bedroom. Read more…
Grease may tell us that “Summer Lovin’” is a blast, but in reality, trying to get it on in the sweltering heat isn’t exactly super-comfortable. When the temperatures reach well into the 90′s, who even wants to have sex anyway? Most people would probably rather lay on the opposite side of the room from their partner and think about sex than actually indulge in it. Ugh, summer can be such a bummer for our sex lives.
But as animals with sex drives, it’s not always easy to keep yourself away from your instinct to mount each other, even if your air conditioner just broke and you’re pretty sure you just lost a pound of weight in sweat. If that’s the case, then do it. Just remember it could get, er, a little unpleasant. Here are some pointers:
Sweat. You will sweat. Fact. If you’re sitting in a pool of sweat, just think about how that sweat factor is going to triple or quadruple the second you start getting it on. If you’re not comfortable dripping in mass amounts of salty sweat in front of your partner, then you may want to wait until that air conditioner is fixed — or Labor Day, to make the “beast with two backs,” as Shakespeare called it. Read more …
Musicians may have more sex than your average bear, but as the bad advice covered in these lyrics show, they may not always know what they’re talking about. The following are some egregious examples of misguided advice. Keep reading »