I read Eliza Jules’ essay “I Obsessively Monitor My Husband’s Lube Bottle” over at xoJane and was left with this question: Is a partner’s masturbation something we should worry about? The more I’ve thought about it, though, the more I’ve concluded that, for me, I’m at the very opposite end of the spectrum as Jules; I’d be worried if someone I was dating didn’t masturbate, all the more so if I was the cause behind them holding off in the self-love department. I also wouldn’t expect someone’s firmly entrenched patterns of masturbation and porn use, especially if I met them well into their adult life, to change just because they were with me.
I’ll even go so far as to say I would definitely not want to be the sole source of my partner’s masturbation fodder. Part of it? Sure. But imagine the pressure if every single time they jerked off, they were thinking about you. That would creep me out a bit, and while I’m not an expert, I don’t think that’s a realistic goal, especially when you’re talking about long-term relationships. Keep reading »
Ladies, get ready, I’m about to have a TMI moment with y’all. A couple of months ago, I went on a date with a guy, and we seemed to really be hitting it off. He made a comment about coming back to my house when we finished up our drinks, and I was really into the idea, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong vibe about what might go down, so I flirtatiously told him that I was up for it, but I wasn’t going to sleep with him. And. He. Flipped. Out.
He turned to me and said, “Just think about how this sounds” and then repeated my words back to me. “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.” And oh, boy, was he right. It sounded HARSH. Way harsh, Tai. (“Clueless” reference alert!) I was suddenly on the verge of tears. I felt like a major jerk! And so presumptuous! Had I totally blown it? But then, what was I supposed to do? I mean, I was just trying to avoid some really awkward making out moment. My intentions were good!
So, I figured I’d ask a few of the thoughtful gents on my IM list what they prefer women do in those sorts of scenarios. And boy, were the results mixed. The general consensus though, was I probably shouldn’t have handled it quite that way. Lesson learned. It’s a good thing I’ve only been doing things this way for oh, the last 15 years or so. (Blergh).
After the jump, guy advice on how to handle the awkward first (or second date) sex chat. Keep reading »
“You didn’t finish, did you?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
I’ve lied before, but I’m trying to wean myself away from it. Lying only adds a layer of mental unease to any lingering physical dissatisfaction I might be feeling, and assuaging false pride rarely seems like a good deal. The dishonesty (to myself) leaves a bad taste in my mouth; if he bothered to ask, doesn’t he want the truth? Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I are visiting a sex shop this weekend in an effort to take our love life to the next level. I bought a vibrator online once, used it a few times, lost interest, and started using my fingers again. Other than that, I am basically a sex toy virgin. And so is he. But we want to change that. I am determined for us to step into that sex shop as novices and walk out buzzing, vibrating, lubed up pros. Or at least on our way to becoming pros. I did some research, asked around, and made my sexy wish list. After the jump, some user-friendly items to get our toy life started. Your suggestions are more than welcome.
I used to trade back rubs for blow jobs. Not with strangers, of course. With my boyfriend at the time. And not half-assed, sitting in front of him on couch with the TV on back rubs either; no, I’m talking lights off, candles burning, soothing background music, scented oil back massages for at least 20 minutes. When he was done, I would sit up, he would lie down, and I would return the favor with oral sex. I wasn’t half-assed about it either; it was often to fruition, although about 40 percent of the time — unless I was on my period — the back massage would get me revved up and we would end up humping. Either way, it was always a successful exchange of services that left both of us satisfied.
This is what Kelly Oxford, writing in GQ, calls “sex bartering,” and she suggests couples everywhere “put sexual favors on the table and start negotiating.” Keep reading »