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Tag Archives: sex advice
In high school, my sex ed was what you would call minimal. Since Texas firmly believes in abstinence-only education (which so doesn’t work – my high school had a day care program for crying out loud!), I consider myself very lucky that I had a very open-minded mother who taught me about sex. And now that I’m in college, by far my favorite class this semester is my human sexuality class where my professor is not only incredibly funny, but very insightful. All of this along with some personal experience leads me to the conclusion that, well, sex ed of all kinds suck.
“There’s nothing wrong with a nice garter belt. I’m not saying you have to put up a pole in your bedroom and start swinging off the rafters. But I love that sometimes!”
– Heidi Klum tells the July issue of Glamour how to keep things spicy in the bedroom. I’m sure being married to Seal helps. And having a house with rafters from which to swing. I’m not buying the garter belt though — do dudes really dig silly accoutrement like that? I guess I will try it and report back. [Glamour] Keep reading »
I read Eliza Jules’ essay “I Obsessively Monitor My Husband’s Lube Bottle” over at xoJane and was left with this question: Is a partner’s masturbation something we should worry about? The more I’ve thought about it, though, the more I’ve concluded that, for me, I’m at the very opposite end of the spectrum as Jules; I’d be worried if someone I was dating didn’t masturbate, all the more so if I was the cause behind them holding off in the self-love department. I also wouldn’t expect someone’s firmly entrenched patterns of masturbation and porn use, especially if I met them well into their adult life, to change just because they were with me.
I’ll even go so far as to say I would definitely not want to be the sole source of my partner’s masturbation fodder. Part of it? Sure. But imagine the pressure if every single time they jerked off, they were thinking about you. That would creep me out a bit, and while I’m not an expert, I don’t think that’s a realistic goal, especially when you’re talking about long-term relationships. Keep reading »
My boyfriend and I have been dating almost a year. We used to have sex several times a day, but over the past six months it has decreased significantly. We are in an intense graduate program, so last semester both of us were quite swamped with work and lost our libidos. After the stress of the semester was over, things picked up again over winter break. But now, this semester, neither of us has the excuse of a “ton of work” anymore. I have asked him why we don’t have sex (at this point, it has been about three weeks) and his response is “because you’ve been mean to me recently, and when you’re mean it does not make me attracted to you.” That’s fine. I can work on being a nicer person and better girlfriend. But I feel like it’s a vicious cycle — I’m mean, so he doesn’t want to bang. But then I’m nice and since we are still not banging I freak out and get worried and thus become mean again. So my question: should I shut up and work on being nicer instead of expecting our sex life to turn around on its own? — Mean Girl
Ladies, get ready, I’m about to have a TMI moment with y’all. A couple of months ago, I went on a date with a guy, and we seemed to really be hitting it off. He made a comment about coming back to my house when we finished up our drinks, and I was really into the idea, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong vibe about what might go down, so I flirtatiously told him that I was up for it, but I wasn’t going to sleep with him. And. He. Flipped. Out.
He turned to me and said, “Just think about how this sounds” and then repeated my words back to me. “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight.” And oh, boy, was he right. It sounded HARSH. Way harsh, Tai. (“Clueless” reference alert!) I was suddenly on the verge of tears. I felt like a major jerk! And so presumptuous! Had I totally blown it? But then, what was I supposed to do? I mean, I was just trying to avoid some really awkward making out moment. My intentions were good!
So, I figured I’d ask a few of the thoughtful gents on my IM list what they prefer women do in those sorts of scenarios. And boy, were the results mixed. The general consensus though, was I probably shouldn’t have handled it quite that way. Lesson learned. It’s a good thing I’ve only been doing things this way for oh, the last 15 years or so. (Blergh).
After the jump, guy advice on how to handle the awkward first (or second date) sex chat. Keep reading »