A guide to watching porn? I know what you’re thinking. Amelia, I’m pretty sure that all I need to watch porn are my eyes and a finger to press play. Sure, if you’re an amateur. There’s a wrong way to do things, a right way to do things, and then a better way to do things. This is the better way to watch porn.
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Breasts, boobs, tits, tatas, jugs, melons, knockers, rack — there are about as many nicknames as there are ways to show your appreciation for our golden globes. In the immortal words of Simple Minds: “Don’t you forget about me…” Seriously, fellas, you can go down on me for hours, but if you don’t touch my boobs, I won’t be satisfied. Unfortunately, every gal has got a story to tell about some boob hound who did her knockers wrong. So, let’s sit down for a little titty straight talk.
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I just started having sex and all of my friends tell me I have to pee after. They say that if I don’t pee I can get a UTI. The problem is that I never have to go. I try every time – I run to the bathroom and sit there but nothing ever happens. Is that bad? Do you HAVE to go after? Is there something wrong with me that I can’t go? Read more on College Candy…
There’s nothing worse than being on a date, one that’s not too exciting, and just wishing it could end in sex. It’s as though you’re counting down the minutes, maybe even weighing the social graces of when it’s actually OK to mention that it’s time to head out and get it on somewhere. It kinda makes you wonder why you just didn’t skip the whole date thing and get straight to the fucking, doesn’t it? Besides, it’s not like you’re looking for love at the moment anyway.
Far too many people waste their time on chatter and getting to know someone when in reality they just want to bang. Even my friends who use hookup apps often complain to me that although both parties are well aware that they’re there to have sex, there’s this awkward period of sort of dancing around the inevitable. But why? Why is it so hard for us to just drop our pants and get right in there? Is it that ingrained that forging some superficial connection is a necessary step before a physical connection can be even broached? If so, un-train your brain and go for the jugular, sexually speaking, of course. You’re there to get down, so just do it already. Keep reading »
Last week on Funny Girl Sex Guide, I discussed four different dick-sucking techniques you maybe haven’t heard of, but should consider giving a shot. And there’s more where that came from! In Part 2, I discuss (and occasionally demonstrate) five more ways to orally please a penis, including the Hot-N-Cold Blowjob, The Hummer and The Jackhammer. Warning: Unless you work at The Frisky, this is probably a bit NSFW.
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Sex is like a lifelong normalcy contest. To find happiness, you should spend every day worrying about the kinds of sex you like, and whether you’ll ever meet someone else who shares those likes. Then you comfort your untouched body by rubbing your hands all over it, wet though they may be with the sweat of anxiety and sadness. Ha! No, don’t do that. That sounds awful, and besides, if you spend all your time worrying, when will you have time to bone? You won’t! You will remain unboned, maybe forever.
So here’s my real-life advice for you, which I want you to remember forever — instead of worrying about what kind of sex you like (or, even worse, what kind of sex other people like, because nothing could ever be less important than something you don’t want to see and no one wants to show you), use this rule of thumb: “The freakier the sex, the better it is for me, according to science.” Read some examples on Cracked...