It brings me great pleasure to inform you all that I’ve gone on another successful date with Scar Twin. After our first date, where I oh-so-gracefully mimicked JLaw’s Oscars fall on my way up the stairs at the night’s end, I was eager to redeem myself on date No. 2, and I can pretty confidently say that I did. Keep reading »
Like conducting a job search, online dating is an exercise in patience, compatibility, and, sometimes, rejection. It’s not romantic, but to a certain degree, the search for a suitable partner is not unlike the job hunt. You use the internet to varying degrees of success, clicking and writing emails and then clicking some more, and sometimes, if the cards are in your favor and the stars align, you end up meeting a stranger in a public setting and make awkward small talk while wearing shoes that pinch your toes and more makeup than you would for a Tuesday. When it’s over, you’re euphoric or despondent, alternating between mapping out a future for yourself or envisioning waiting for an email that never arrives. You follow up, you wait, things usually don’t pan out. When you do find success, you realize that it came the way most things in life happen — organically, through people you know. Matched with destiny, your future trips happily towards the light.
This is the best case scenario, a situation that everybody assures you will happen, regardless of how dire it all looks. Keep reading »
So, I know I’m a killjoy. I know that people like to say cute things to each other when they’re in love because those things sound good whether or not they make any sense. But I’ve heard a few too rational people saying gross, unthinking things about their SO’s lately, and it makes me fear for their sense.
My boyfriend is a big dope, and I instituted a rule a long time ago that if he was going to say anything brainlessly dramatic or sentimental to me, he had to say it in a dramatic whisper so I could laugh at it. I just don’t like saying or being told things that are not literally true for the sake of it sounding loving, when expressing love truthfully is so much harder but so much better. Here’s a list of some whisper-worthy, saccharine, and not-very accurate gushiness that just needs to stop happening in the way we talk about our partners. Keep reading »
Last weekend, I got a curious email from OKCupid. I have a profile on the site, but rarely log in and haven’t actually messaged with or gone on a date with anyone in months and months. I still get regular emails about having new matches, but this email subject line stood out immediately: “Match % update for [REDACTED USERNAME].” Hmm. The email (above) alerted me that due to “a diagnostic test,” my match percentage with a specific user had been erroneously reported and the two of us were actually 92 percent compatible, as opposed to the previously determined 32 percent. Keep reading »
The past week has been kinda a bummer for me, and I’ve hit the point where I’ll search for a little happiness just about anywhere. When I saw that someone had asked the Reddit community “What is the best feeling in the world?”, I clicked expecting to see a mix of classics (like peeling the protective plastic off of new gadgets) and the obvious sexual things (which, of course, were there).
What I didn’t expect was to have my heart basically melt out of my body by one user’s completely spot-on list of 86 absolutely perfect pleasures. Read them all on College Candy…
Being the youngest in a large family has its advantages: My siblings provided plenty of grandchildren already, so there’s no pressure on me to make more. (Christmas presents are expensive, y’all.) My family has also known since I was 19 — when I fainted while watching my older sister have a sonogram because it grossed me out so much — that I’m not sure this childbirth thing is for me. So, even after being married for 10 months now, no one in my family has broached the subject of bringing a Bogdanovs-Wakeman into the world.
That being said, minding-one’s-own-beeswax doesn’t hold true with outsiders — as I found out this weekend when a trip to the laundromat turned into more than I’d bargained for. Keep reading »