Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

True Story: I Had My Immigration Interview

true-story-immigration

It has become abundantly clear to me over the past couple of months that people don’t know much about sponsoring someone for immigration. That makes sense, of course, because the majority of us will never do it. But insofar as people do know about the process, they know it involves getting a green card and having “an interview” with immigration officials. While true, but the interview and green card (hopefully) don’t come until the very end of an expensive, months-long process.

As I’ve explained before, sponsoring my husband, Kale, involved filling out a lot of paperwork. He had to do things like get a checkup and we had to gather documentation proving we like together, like bills and a bank account we both are listed on. We also submitted pics  — most of them culled from my at-times cringeworthy Instagram account — of ourselves together since we started dating and from our wedding day. We also had to write affidavits about each other explaining why we wanted to be together and our best friends wrote affidavits for us, too. It wasn’t hard work, but it was a lot to get done, especially for two people who are otherwise occupied being schmoopy newlyweds.   Keep reading »

The Great Diary Project Is Preserving Hundreds Of Years’ Worth Of Angsty Teenagers’ Thoughts

The Great Diary Project Is Preserving Hundreds Of Years’ Worth Of Angsty Teenagers’ Thoughts

Did you keep a diary as a teenager? Does the thought of reading it now make you want to cringe with embarrassment or would you jump at the change to gain some perspective on the course of your life so far?

Dr. Irving Finkel of London, a self-proclaimed diary rescuer, has it made it his personal mission to preserve, archive and exhibit as many long lost diaries as possible. By day, Finkel works at the British Museum, but in his off hours, he’s slowly amassing a museum of his own with his Great Diary Project and receives regular donations of families’ old journals. His reasoning, he says, is that:

Diaries are among our most precious items of heritage. People in all walks of life have confided and often still confide their thoughts and experiences to the written page, and the result is a unique record of what happens to an individual over months, or even years, as seen through their eyes. No other kind of document offers such a wealth of information about daily life and the ups and downs of human existence. The Project’s idea is to collect as many diaries as possible from now on for long-term preservation. In the future these diaries will be a precious indication of what life, in our own time, was really like…All human life, in fact, is there, packed into small pages where every entry – for the future historian – is accurately dated.

Keep reading »

Study: The Concept Of Trophy Wives Is Pretty Much A Big Fat Lie

trophy wife

Trophy wives may be nothing but a myth perpetuated by sexist research, according to a new study. Researcher Elizabeth Aura McClintock of Notre Dame reviewed the data from a large set of young adult heterosexual couples, looking to find out how people really choose their partners. She looked into two different reasons that drive pairing up – matching and exchange. Matching is a search for a partner who is similar in education levels, looks and other traits. Exchange is more the more “trophy wife”-style notion of a person trading their looks or status for a partner who has something they don’t.

Surprisingly, she found that in the past people have misinterpreted the evidence of exchange relationships. In examining couples, researchers only looked at the women’s appearance and the men’s status and disregarded data on women’s status or men’s attractiveness. They were so certain they’d find a specific result (in this case, proof of exchange relationships) that the studies were skewed. More problematic to the skewed data is the fact that rich people are more likely to be good-looking, and vice-versa. (The reasons for that correlation open a whole other can of worms about whether being pretty makes it easier to get rich in the first place, but that’s another post for another day). Keep reading »

Dater X: Getting Back On The Horse

Dater X: Getting Back On The Horse

The first week after a breakup is always the most difficult. The rejection is fresh and the sting still burns, which makes it that much harder to remind yourself that the relationship is over, and that, despite how it feels at the time, things will get better. Those first few days are also crucial in determining how you’ll handle the rest of the breakup. The decision to end things takes only a moment, but coping with that loss can take days, months, or even years. And in my opinion, the tone of that “healing period” is set early on. Will you continue to communicate, cut each other off cold turkey, or decide to have casual sex until he realizes he wants you and only you? After my breakup with Andrew, I chose my path, and thankfully, it resulted in clarity.

When Andrew blindsided me with the truth bomb that he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend, I knew I’d be incapable of carrying on any kind of communication or relationship with him without developing muddled feelings. We both agreed it was best to sever ties. About a week later, I went out with friends for drinks, headed back home alone and found myself aching to text him. Keep reading »

The Pros And Cons Of A Wedding Vs. An Elopement

wedding-chapel-061214

Two years ago, I met my husband  at a Foreigner concert. So far, being married has been amazing … except I have to remind myself to call him my “fiancé.”

Officially, our wedding isn’t until Halloween. See, my husband is an independent contractor and has a physical job, so he needs full coverage due to his high risk of injury. My job provides excellent insurance. Even though the Affordable Care Act dramatically cut his out of pocket costs, we could save another five grand with him on my insurance. It was a no brainer decision – we were getting married, anyway, so we might as well save some money and make it legal sooner.

So, I will experience both eloping and having a big wedding. Now that I’m in the thick of planning the big wedding part, I can see why people intentionally elope. We are too far along in wedding mode to turn back now, but I would definitely say from my experience I would have reconsidered five months ago.

From my experience, here’s what I  have discovered about the best of both options:  Keep reading »

Dating Donts: Let’s Talk About The Rules

Sex Rules To Break
These sex rules are not worth following. Read More »
FWB Rules
Want a fuck buddy? Follow these six rules to ensure it's a success! Read More »
Dating Donts: Let’s Talk About The Rules

I was sitting with a couple of smart women that I respect when the subject of dating came up, as it tends to do. “I read The Rules, and it changed my life,” one friend told me, in complete earnestness. “I swear by The Rules. They really work.”

I was taken aback, and for good reason. I’m a generation behind The Rules’ target demo. Twenty years ago, when this book was first published, I was in middle school, when “dating” meant writing about someone in your dream journal and holding hands. As my dating life developed, any mention of The Rules felt laughable, like an ancient relic from a never-seen “Sex And The City” episode, something the girls would discuss over cosmos at Buddakan.

“Aren’t they old-fashioned and sexist, and you know, stupid?” I asked. My other friend interjected. “Seriously, they’re great,” she said. “Trust me.” Keep reading »

Study: That Guy You’re Into Has No Idea You’re Flirting With Him

bad-at-flirting

It’s pretty clear from any real-life dating experience or missed meet-cute that people aren’t too great at picking up on flirtatious signals, but now science is able to prove it. The research, conducted by the University of Kansas consisted of two studies. The first study gathered 52 pairs of single, heterosexual college students who thought the study was about first impressions. The pairs would chat for 10-12 minutes. Afterward, they’d fill out questionnaires separately that asked whether they’d flirted and whether they thought their conversation partner had. Participants were over 80 percent correct in knowing when the other person was not flirting, but only 36 percent of men and 18 percent of women noticed when the other person was flirting with them. Keep reading »

My Top 5 Formative Geek Crushes

Literary Crushes
14 fictional people from books we are crushing on IRL. Read More »

The wonderful thing about a hefty amount of geek/nerd culture is that it is super-optimistic. John Green, author of A Fault In Our Stars, says that nerds are basically people who are “unironically enthusiastic … too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness.” Which is awesome!

The first time I hung out with my now-boyfriend, I totally melted over the fact that he got really, really jazzed pantomiming a stack that extended from hip-height to chin-height to illustrate how many books you can get for ten dollars at library book sales. As a little geekling, I learned to love guys like this by the examples that cartoons, TV shows, video games, movies, and books made for me of enthusiastic, caring dudes. Without further ado, my top five formative geek crushes…

In Memory Of My Therapist

calla lily

On Saturday night, I learned that someone very important to me died last week. Deb Powell Simons was my therapist throughout my teen years and early 20s. I had known she had been sick many years ago; learning of her death came as a complete shock. She leaves behind a husband and four young children. She was only 44. Keep reading »

Mommie Dearest: Meet The #FreeTheNipple Activist Who Wants Areolas To Be Free

Mommie Dearest: Meet The #FreeTheNipple Activist Who Wants Areolas To Be Free

In 2011, actress and filmmaker Lina Esco went with a handful of friends to Occupy Wall Street, curious to see the response to a group of topless women.

“Within minutes there were hundreds of people taking pictures, and they didn’t know what to do with these boobs,” Esco told The Frisky. “After 10 minutes, I said to them, ‘[Our nipples are] not going anywhere, so let’s have a conversation.’ And we did. And I realized that the conversation was only getting bigger, and the nipple was this Trojan Horse that was going to reveal so many things. And I knew I had to do this film.”

The film she is referring to is called “Free The Nipple,”  which addresses the societal aversion to women’s nipples. After her Occupy Wall Street experience, Esco immediately came home and started working on a script; she found herself eager to explore why women’s bodies were subject to a whole different set of rules and norms than the bodies of men. By mid-2012, she had raised enough money and started filming in New York City with Zach Grenier from “Law & Order” and “The Good Wife” and Lola Kirke, sister of “Girls” star Jemima. Despite the fact that going topless in New York is legal (as opposed to the 35 states where it is illegal for women to be topless) filming shut down by police. Keep reading »

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