Hello, I’m Gwen Kansen and I have Asperger’s Syndrome.
I repeat myself a lot. If a room is crowded I try to get out immediately. It takes me longer than most people to do pretty much everything because I make slow transitions. But I’m fun at dive bars. I used to manage a vintage clothing store. You might not notice I’m weird right away.
Chances are you know a few people on the spectrum. We may not tell you because autism isn’t the sexiest mental problem out there, especially when compared to more easily romanticized mental illnesses like bipolar disorder. Here are few things you should know about us autistic folks: Keep reading »
Attention, guys. Being a good dancer
is all in the neck and the right knee, says a new study done at Northumbria University. Researchers used 3D cameras to film 19 guys between the ages of 18 and 35 dancing. The dudes’ moves were then turned into animated avatars and shown to 35 straight women to rate on a scale of one to 10.
The female participants found men who made big movements with the neck and trunk, the wrist and left shoulder, and fast movements with the right knee, to be the best dancers. Why these particular moves? Well aside from making simply making a man look slick bumping and grinding in the club, scientist say there’s a biological component. The “good” dance moves just so happen to be signals of male fertility. Because we’re all just animals looking to propagate the species. Keep reading »
Stay at home vs. working moms: it’s a debate that may well have sparked the heated flames of the “mommy wars.” There haven’t been a shortage of opinions on this topic, and despite being rehashed to death, more keep coming. The latest voice to enter into the fray is Allison Klein, a former reporter turned stay-at-home mom who recently offered up an op-ed for The Washington Post. Klein writes:
“You see, I love being home with my girls, now 4 and 5. I’m just not such a fan of telling people that’s what I do. This is new for me. [...] This is D.C., where nothing about you is more important than your job, or at least that’s what people always say. And being a full-time mom doesn’t exactly up my Q score. These conversations are fraught because I want people to know I’m not giving up my identity as a strong, smart woman. Cue the eye roll.”
Mother judgment — it’s there regardless of what you choose. And, when we fight each other, nobody wins, because infighting only clouds the more important issue: the narrow way we frame this stay-at-home vs. working mother discussion. I wish there could be a huge disclaimer on these types of articles reminding readers that not every mother is in a position to actually make this choice. There are families that need two working parents in order to ensure that housing and food costs are met. There needs to be a greater understanding of the inherent privilege involved in even having this “debate” in the first place. Keep reading »
It’s been two days since I’ve heard from GQ, and to be honest, I’m in an anxiety spiral. Although there’s still a tiny part of me that’s hoping for the best, it appears I’ve been ghosted.
Last week, as I mentioned, I happily accepted when GQ asked me over for takeout and a movie. Although we ultimately opted against the takeout in favor of a quick trip to a cozy eatery near his apartment, the night went exactly according to plan. We laughed, talked, yes—slept together— and even made the decision to take down our online dating profiles. Keep reading »
A New York City man has filed a lawsuit against OkCupid’s parent company IAC after a guy he met on the online dating site scammed him out of $70,000. Michael Z. Picciano insists in his lawsuit that OkCupid, which is a free site, doesn’t properly screen its subscribers and that they are creating a false image of a safe place to meet people.
Picciano, who is 65, met “genuineguy62″ (oh, the irony), whose said his real name was Bruce Thompson, about a year ago. Picciano said he trusted Thompson and felt safe with him. They hit it off, and chatted on the phone and on Skype.
Things got sketchy when Thompson explained that he was facing “unexpected fees he incurred in his dealings setting up a new computer parts business.” Cool story bro. Picciano was fooled, however, and wired Thompson $24,000. Thompson instructed him to send them to two different names located in Texas and Canada, but Picciano must have been to caught up in his feelings to take note of that glaring red flag. Keep reading »
There are a lot of great ways to get to know somebody, but none are as efficient and satisfying as going out to eat with a person. I’m someone who takes food very seriously — cooking for people I care about is truly one of my favorite things to do, and as someone who eschews the traditional “did he call after a day or two days and what does it all mean?” school of thought when it comes to dating, I use other barometers to measure relationship success. Keep reading »
My girlfriend and I moved in together six months ago, and as to be expected, it’s taken some time to get used to each other’s idiosyncrasies – doing the laundry, putting away dishes, and so on. For instance, Melissa sorts our clean towels according to size. I, on the other hand, prefer to separate by use, because… eww, gross. The gym towels should never touch the bath towels! Even if they’re clean, that’s disgusting! Right?
Still, I pride myself on the fact that I don’t get annoyed with her over petty things. When she does something that’s the complete opposite of what I’d do, I remind myself that it’s not a big deal. And if it is a big deal, we work something out. We always work something out.
But that wasn’t always how I operated. Keep reading »
So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our weekly column, Life After Dating, women discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.
When I was single and dating people who were definitely not right for me, I would often go to coupled friends for advice. They’d respond to my list of complaints that “he didn’t like to read books” or “he wanted to spend an unnatural amount of time with his guy friends, is he gay?” with platitudes like, “When you love someone you accept them exactly as they are” or “I wouldn’t change a thing about so and so.”
I took them at their word, thinking that when I was dating the right person someday, all of his flaws and all of my impulses to want to change or fix would magically fade away. I am finally dating the right person and can say with certainty that my coupled friends weren’t giving it to me straight. Perhaps they were simplifying it for me in a way that I could understand, or maybe they were lying. Either way, I think it’s less about accepting your partner’s inability to be on time, or his habit of making pasta at 2 a.m., and more that your love for him allows you to overlook these foibles. Because, let’s face it, you are anal about street clothes making contact with your sheets, you watch TV at a terribly loud volume and you might have an issue with hoarding beauty supplies. You are so grateful that he overlooks these things. Keep reading »
Generally, honesty is a good policy, but sometimes life calls for you to fake it. Not to the point of self-delusion or denial, just long enough to get through or get by. Occasional faking doesn’t make you a liar, an impostor, or a fraud, it makes you smart. Strutting in to the interview for your dream job exuding confidence when you really feel like a quivering pile of insecurity, for example, is not just smart, but necessary. From feigning surprise when you learn the big secret you already knew about to pretending to love your mother-in-law’s beef stroganoff, here are a few things that are completely and totally OK to fake. Keep reading »
Pisces (February 20-March 20): The mental fog will clear and you’ll be able to make sense of everything. So, get back into the swing of things by following your impulses faster and harder than ever, and trust they’ll bring you the best results. The less you plan, the better you will be, as who you wake up as will feel like a total 180 from who you’ll be when you go to bed. Think sweet to sultry, and all will be bright.
Best Day To Get Lucky: Tuesday, March 18 Keep reading »