Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

What Would Women-Friendly Online Dating Really Look Like?

Samhita Mukhopadhyay asked today on Al Jazeera: Can online dating ever be women-friendly? She talks in her op-ed about the challenges of online dating after your mid-30s, the rash of gross misogynist messages you can expect to receive as a woman on online dating sites, and how Tinder was intended to be woman-friendly, but can it really be woman-friendly if its creators don’t know what life is like as a woman and have, now, been accused of sexual harassment? She doesn’t mention sites like Straight White Boys Texting, which cull their content from Tinder users, among others, and which seems like a pretty pertinent point: Even if you “approve” of them based on their profile, you have no guarantee of how a potential date will actually treat you in real time.

Her conclusion is this pretty depressing last-stage-of-grief coping mechanism: “It’s as though the offensiveness on dating sites becomes a sorting mechanism, a virtual last man standing; only the last man is (hopefully) not a drunk sexist jerk.” My god. I mean, I know what she’s talking about. I’ve been there. It’s just that I was 25 and after four months of being on OKCupid the well of all right guys had already dried up and I couldn’t find anyone who was neither sexist nor duplicitous nor hyper-defensive (I expect from previous bad online dating experiences of their own). Keep reading »

True Story: I Dated A Sociopath (And I Liked It)

True Story: I Dated A Sociopath (And I Liked It)

I spent most of my late teens and twenties the way a lot of girls/women do, flip-flopping between the guy who couldn’t find his self-esteem with a military-issued navigational system and the guy who was so self-centered he never went down on me without expecting six blowjobs in return. When I hit 30, I needed a change. Then I met James.

I had written prolifically online about my love life, especially the failures. And from the beginning, I knew James had read it all. I didn’t think much about it until I noticed how often our goals, beliefs, and sexual proclivities matched up. I thought I had hit the jackpot. How did I find the one guy who not only believed in handwritten love letters, but also had no problem fucking me so hard I couldn’t walk for two days? He was handsome, brilliant, and had that Old Hollywood charm. He seemed perfect. Too perfect. Seeing as I was not a delusional Disney Princess, that made me examine things more closely. Keep reading »

What Disney Movies Taught Me About Being Gay

What Disney Movies Taught Me About Being Gay

Ursula from “The Little Mermaid” is almost certainly a lesbian, according to stand-up comic James Adomian, who lovingly refers to the iconic Disney diva in a recent viral bit as a “big dyke with a butch haircut.” Adomian, who is openly gay, doesn’t believe that Ursula deserves the negative treatment she receives in the movie. “Every time I’ve ever met a woman like that in my life,” he says, “she’s been awesome.”

To an extent, Adomian is right: Ursula definitely has deep roots in queer culture. According to bonus materials on “The Little Mermaid” DVD, Ursula was modeled after the famous drag performer Divine, star of the original “Hairspray.” Keep reading »

Study Claims That “Happy Wife, Happy Life” Is Actually True

Marriage

A new study from Rutgers University and the University of Michigan has found that in a heterosexual marriage, a wife’s happiness is more important to the survival of the relationship than her husband’s. Researchers studied 394 couples who’d been married for an average of 39 years. The couples were asked questions about whether their spouse appreciates them, argues with them or gets on their nerves. They were also asked how happy they were during a 24-hour period while doing specific activities like errands or watching television. Most of the participants reported a high level of satisfaction with their lives, and if a woman reported being happy with her husband, he was more likely to be happy with life in general no matter how he felt about the marriage itself.

Keep reading »

Why I’m Switching From Facebook To Ello

Since Facebook announced that it was going to suspend accounts unless users used their legal names earlier this month, many people have been looking for a new place to socialize, and Ello has been gaining traction. Ello is another status-based, at-reply-based social network, with a minimalist aesthetic and, mostly importantly, no ads, and anonymized data gathering with the opportunity to opt out of data-gathering entirely.

And before you get going, I know, I know, it’s buggy. The search function isn’t working well if at all, and during peak traffic it can have really long loading times. I accept that as a given for a new social network to which, yes, many Facebook users are genuinely fleeing. I’m not sure I love the design, and you can’t embed videos. Keep reading »

Yes, I Have Emotional Disorders; No, I Won’t Be Ashamed Of It

Women + Mental Illness
sad woman
What happens when CZJ and other powerful women admit mental illness? Read More »
Mental Health Days
In praise of mental health days. Read More »
Going Back To Therapy
Annika's brave choice to deal with her anger. Read More »

I’ve said it briefly before, but I want to say it again in more depth: I’m not ashamed of my emotional disorder. In the six months since I started writing for a living, I’ve had a rash of people — okay, trolls — on the internet writing e-mails, leaving comments, and even writing blogs about my mental stability, but specifically saying that there’s something “wrong” with me.

I mean, kind of. I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I don’t think I’ve ever said explicitly why: Because I was in a long-term, abusive relationship, and because six months after I left it, I was raped. On top of that, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 13, and I’ve gone through a slew of diagnoses to figure out exactly why I feel emotions as intensely as I do, and my doctors and I have recently settled on it being sort of a generalized personality disorder — not exactly one or the other of those listed in the DSM-V. Keep reading »

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