Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Girl Talk: I’m Dating My Dad

For most of my 15-year dating career, I went for Fledglings, Makeshift Men, pre-release beta tests of the fully formed adult male. Like Rusty, the dread-locked guitarist with groupies to spare whom I followed to various smoky, sticky-floored venues in college, hoping he’d recognize me from anthropology class. Guys whose giant charisma, outsider cool or longer-than-purely-business hair stoked my sense of adventure and ate my own — often annoying — level of maturity for breakfast.

I was drawn to men who were nothing like the soft-spoken, principled and straight-laced person who had been the dominant male presence in my life so far: my retired CPA father. Keep reading »

10 Types Of Female Emotional Cripples

As we’ve stated previously, we all have issues. And yes, that includes the womenfolk. Even though we feel that women may be more open to tackling the emotional obstacles that cripple them, there are still a lot of ladies out there rolling around in wheelchairs or soliciting a man to push them.

Ami will admit that throughout much of her 20s she used an emotional wheelchair to help her get around. But she made it her mission to get up and walk again. And that she did with quite a bit of time and effort. She doesn’t walk perfectly … but she’s moving. And just to be clear, perfection is not the goal. It’s our responsibility as mature women to be aware of our emotional obstacles and to manage them. We may never totally eradicate them but we must do what is necessary to stay healthy and keep on walking (or at least limping) through life.

We’ve profiled 10 types of male emotional cripples. Click through to find out about 10 types of female emotional cripples (often seen in combination), the kind of men they’re after, and what they need more than a dude rolling them through life.

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend And I Don’t Have Anything In Common”

My boyfriend and I have had what I would describe as a happy relationship for two years now. Problem is, even though we have FABULOUS chemistry and get along great, we have nothing in common. I’m a vegan hippie-type and he’s a carnivorous couch-potato. We’re both starting to feel burnt out and frustrated at not being able to find things we both like to do. We have tried compromising (we go on a hike this weekend and next week we’ll stay in and watch movies), but that’s starting to feel old, and like we never get to go out and do the things we enjoy as often. We love each other deeply, so what can we do other than go our separate paths? Please, any ideas would be super helpful! — Vegan Hippie Type

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m Uncomfortable With Grief

Maybe I can do this, I thought. But there was still a little part of me that was relieved when she left because I could finally be alone again with just my own grief to keep me company.

My mom got the call about my grandma’s death just two minutes after walking into my apartment on Thursday. I could see she went into shock immediately and my brain told me what I should do. Comfort her, Amelia, I told myself. I sat her down on my couch, I wrapped my arms around her, and I called her “Momma.” We talked about how my grandma hadn’t been herself for over a year, since a stroke stole her interest in eating and her ability to bathe herself without assistance. She had even stopped telling the same stories over and over, like a broken record, as she now sat quietly instead. When she did speak, it was slurred and almost incomprehensible. Those same stories that used to irritate us — like the one about how she saw Elvis perform and remarked to a man after the show that he wasn’t very good and that man turned out to be Elvis’ father — we had come to really miss. My mom and I both cried and I felt like I was doing this grieving and comforting thing right this time. But when my brother, now 25, came over for dinner, I found the hug I gave him to be awkward and I immediately thought I was an a**hole for not being able to comfort him fully. I hid in the kitchen for the rest of the afternoon, cooking the Thanksgiving meal that we were determined to eat despite the sad news.

I spent the rest of the weekend almost completely alone with my thoughts. On Friday night, I had a regular booty call come over for a sleepover, which was a great distraction and I’ll admit I found the cuddling afterward to be a comfort. Yesterday, my mom came over and we watched “Gone with the Wind,” my grandma’s and my favorite movie, and cleaned out my closet. It felt good to keep my mom company. I gave her a bunch of cashmere sweaters I no longer wore, because she never spends any money on herself. Maybe I can do this, I thought. I’m helping. But there was still a little part of me that was relieved when she left because I could finally be alone again with just my own grief to keep me company.

On Thursday, my mom, my brother, and I are all flying out to San Diego for my grandma’s funeral. My mom has indicated that she needs to be surrounded by those she loves right now, which is why the three of us are not only flying together, but taking the train to the airport together too. I’ve had to bite my tongue so I don’t say that taking a taxi from work would actually be easier for me. Because it’s not about what’s more convenient for me this weekend.

After the funeral, the whole family — the three of us, my aunt, uncle, four cousins, and assorted others — are going to lunch at El Torito, my grandma’s favorite chain restaurant (a close second is Red Lobster). Then we’ll go to my aunt’s house, where we’ll play my grandma’s favorite music — everything from Frank Sinatra to Eric Clapton — and share stories about her, because she was the type of woman who always made you smile. I’ll talk about how she was always inflating the stories I told her about my life in New York. When I interviewed Lisa Marie Presley for a teeny tiny piece in Rolling Stone years ago, she told everyone I was “good friends with Elvis’ daughter.” When I began dating my ex, who worked at CBS at the time, she referred to him as the “head of the network” even though he was just an ad sales assistant. Of my job at The Frisky, which is affiliated with Turner Broadcasting? “You work with Ted Turner every day don’t you, sweetheart? Remember when he was married to Jane Fonda?” I’ll talk about how I still get cravings for sauerkraut and crushed-up Ramen soup and cucumber salads because those were the foods she always made for me as a kid.

I know the experience is going to be emotional and my natural instinct is going to be to run so I don’t have to face the discomfort of seeing people I love feeling so raw. I don’t know why seeing other people grieve freaks me out so much, but I don’t expect I’ll understand it or overcome it completely in the next few days. But I’m old enough now to know that the best thing I can do for myself and for those I love and to honor my grandma’s memory is to suck it up.

Photo: iStockphoto

Girl Talk: Can You Ever Truly Be Happy For Someone Else?

When I told my best friend I was happy for her because she was pregnant, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The truth was that her announcement ruined my day, my week and my self-esteem. It added pressure to my already pressurized mid-30s brain and kept me awake at night with images of celebrating birthdays, alone and bitter, while everyone else basked in the warmth and love of their self-made families.

A few years later, when I was pregnant, I felt too guilty to announce it to my single friends. One night, as I finally plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and share the news, I said to my husband, “Watch, as I ruin someone’s day.”

He looked at me in utter confusion. “What are you talking about?” he said. “They’re your friends. They’ll be happy for you.”

“There’s no such thing as being happy for somebody else,” I shrugged, and he looked at me like I had just announced that I was a psychopathic flesh-eating robot. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Money Isn’t Everything” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Money Isn’t Everything” whose newish boyfriend felt uncomfortable with the amount and type of gifts she was giving him and his family. So, has she curtailed her gift-giving? Has he become more comfortable with her expressions of affection? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

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