Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Love Vandal: Camping Brings Out The Desecrator In All Of Us

[Photo: Our Emily]

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For The Week Of September 1-7, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Life is a big pain in the ass. Just when you hit your groove, fate swoops in and gives you something else to ponder. What to do? What to do? Break routines and shake it up even more. No matter what curve ball comes your way, be the HBIC and turn your world on its back and do it like a pro.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your tastes are impeccable, your attitude sublime and your stride infallible. There’s nothing out of your reach. So, as the object of your desires start to act as if he’s on crack, this means time to set things straight. Don’t let all your hard work go to waste, as it’s about to pay off. However, if you want that prize, it’ll mean claiming your trophy.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Unexpected good news arrives, making your head spin and your body juicy with delight. Chances though it won’t be love related, but it won’t matter. Any hoorah that’ll tingle you in places you haven’t been dazzled in ages will be all you need. Use this deluge of good cheer to raise your momentum in those other areas of life lacking gusto; it’ll be your Spanish Fly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A sudden rage of attraction hits, but it’ll be a friend or someone close to a friend that’ll be your target. With too much on the line, it’ll mean having to be a bit more pragmatic than your usual hurried humping ways. This could mean letting time pass to see how you truly feel, as perhaps this could be a horny haze, or actually feeling it out before mounting.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Getting ahead will be consuming your life, leaving you no time to quell all your desires. Lucky for you, your two worlds will start to collide and something will heat up due to a work related venture. While it might not be the most monumental love affair or even one that goes beyond psychological, these days, you’ll have to take what you can get.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your eccentricity is your hotness and the more you show it off, the hotter you’ll make some other quirky turkey shriek back with passionate fervor. It’s all about going your own way now and really not giving a f’ about what others say, think or feel about you. Ya, it’s a total cliché to say own yourself and feel the love, but seriously, this week it’ll actually get you some.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you want to play it fair, hold back your confessions, ideas, feelings and whatever else you have to give to that special someone. Time to give him the reins, let him open up to reveal something intense and show that he actually wants to invest something emotional in you. After all, when it comes to launching relationships, realize the all work and no play method is ineffectual.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Stop obsessing on whom you’re sleeping next to or whom you want to get on top of. Things of those nature shouldn’t be busting your brain right now, as it won’t bring any results anyway. Let it all go. Instead, focus on your own well-being, as in balancing yourself with all your other non-xxx vices. Peace of mind is the only thing that’ll feel good in-between the sheets for now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Life will be flowing in an orderly fashion, so no worries for you to stress over. To take full advantage of this moment, let loose and let it go. Instead of lifting your finger, reach for the whip instead. Your honey is out to please and the faster you can thrash him into shape, the quicker you’ll be able to realize being you is magic — and he’ll also agree too.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Hold onto your patience, as it’ll get tested over and over this week, as you get emotionally flung throughout the psychological spectrum, making you aggravated and enchanted. Yes, expect to experience a little bit of everything that turns you on, off, and out, leaving you to feel (for better or worst) what you love best: curious.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This won’t be one of those easy weeks, which will bode well for your love life, as in getting all those questions answered about your latest paramour. As you know, it’s only in major distress that you can see the true character of those around you. So, when sh*t hits the fan this week, know the first thing to kick into gear is the truth in your “relationship.”

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Your exhaustion will catch up to you, making your techno gadgets your best friends in getting off — as in dirty talk, pics, text, emails and whatever else you’ve got to digitize yourself with. After all, with an imagination as rich and as forceful as yours, who cares if you’re in your grubby period panties, worn out pjs and mud mask? It’s the thought that’ll count.

The Most Beautiful Wedding Gift In The World

There’s a part of me that sometimes gets a little cynical — it doesn’t help when the Guys On Our IM make me want to re-question my sexuality — but then I hear a little story like the one I’m about to tell, and my heart melts, I hear birds twittering, and a rainbow suddenly bursts across the sky. So, one of the guys who helps out on the technical side of The Frisky recently got married to his lovely girlfriend of many years. As a final present to show his appreciation and love for her, he gave her the nerdiest/most insanely romantic gift I have ever heard of. Being that he’s one of these tech guys who gets things about the Internet’s potential, he optimized the search term the most beautiful bride in the world — that way, when you type that exactly into search and click “I’m Feeling Lucky”, it takes you directly to a website he set up for his new wife. Seriously. Try it. But don’t get mad at your SEO because he’ll never come up with something as sweet and awesome.. Keep reading »

How To Dump Your Summer Fling

It’s become my understanding that “sex on the beach” is a cliché that leads to sand in bad places. However, sex and beach are both words that bring to mind the ultimate summer fling. Scantily clad bodies, sun, surf, outdoor bars, gleaming tans, it all makes for a lovely little fantasy. Unfortunately, fantasies often come to an end. Sorry kid, time to wake up from that dream. Fall is almost here! So how are you going to let your summer fling fade gently into the sunset? Here are my tips:

(WO)MAN UP: I don’t like people who ignore — they have absolutely no backbone and are cowards. Own up to what you’re doing. Make it clear that it is O-V-E-R. This was fun, but now it’s done. You don’t want to get stuck with a Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction: “I will not be IGNORED, Daniel!”
Keep reading »

Real Chick Lit: “The Smart Girl’s Guide To Getting Even”

After J. broke up with me my senior year in high school, I was pissed. Livid. Just a few weeks earlier, he told me he loved me, we went to prom and all was glorious in the world. What the heck? After a few weeks of having an intimate rebound relationship with a box of Kleenex, I became dead-set on making his life as unpleasant as he had made mine.

In order to exact my revenge, my best friend and I went to the mall where the kids who went to his high school always hung out. We approached every high-school aged girl we could find, asked if she knew J., and then told her to stay away from him and his terrible case of back-ne. Mature? Hell no. Satisfying? Undeniably.

Though I think my plan was rather brilliant, I probably would have received some nice inspiration had Alison Grambs’ book “The Smart Girl’s Guide To Getting Even” been around in 1994. In it, she offers all sorts of perfectly legal yet wholly satisfying ways to get back at the Js — i.e. the complete and total jerks — of the world. After the jump, find a sampling of her I-will-not-go-down-quietly strategies. Keep reading »

What We Can Learn From Celebrity Relationships

We live in a world where Paris Hilton makes approximately 20 billion times as much as your average public schoolteacher, and talk show host Oprah Winfrey has a net worth double that of a lot of small countries. What do these celebrities do to earn such riches? Sure, Paris had her reality show, but surely the guy who picks up your trash every morning before dawn sweats way more than she ever will. Does anyone really believe that George Clooney works harder than a middle school teacher? I sure don’t. So maybe it’s time that—instead of begrudging our stars their super-sized salaries—we make them earn it, by learning from their high-profile relationship ups and downs.

Jennifer Aniston: No matter how beautiful, rich and successful you are, if you’re not married with a baby by 40, certain people will still insist you’re a sad, desperate loser. Keep reading »

The Accidental Mouth Kiss: Haven’t We All Been There?

During last night’s surprise appearance by Barack Obama at the third night of the Democratic National Convention, we totally did a double-take when we saw the dashing Senator from Illinois plant a big one on Jill Biden, the wife of his running mate, Joe Biden. Was it on purpose and platonic mouth kisses are suddenly the new show of affection in Washington, or was it an accident? Who knows, but certainly the accidental mouth kiss is something we’ve all endured… Keep reading »

Pregnant In Public: Where Did You Pee On A Stick?

When Sally was seven weeks pregnant, her doctor said he was 99% sure she’d had a miscarriage. But she didn’t want to believe him. So in the restroom of a restaurant in San Francisco, she peed on a stick (or seven) and against all her expectations, got two blue lines.

Meanwhile, my friend Cat was so eager to find out whether she was with child that she dashed into the local Burger King toilet to take a test, despite being a vegetarian.

And Linda took her test in a supermarket restroom on the way to a Weight Watchers meeting… which she never got around to going to.

I used to think that pregnancy was a pretty private thing – at least until the belly starts to pop and strangers want to rub it. My mom and other women of her generation all went to their gynecologist or the privacy of their own bathrooms if they wanted to know if they were knocked up or not. Keep reading »

How To Save Face During A Breakup

Breakups are bad enough without looking like a total fool in the aftermath. So, in a bold move of honesty, and to help save others in the same place, I’m going to admit that in the throes of some past breakups I’ve been a little bit intense. I’ve learned my lessons on what not to do through a lot of tears, friend and family interventions, and often through making huge mistakes. And now I will pass along this harnessed wisdom to you.

Now, there are probably a lot of people who are just as stubborn as me, who in the face of rejection might just want to burn their ex’s stuff and cause a huge scene — to hell with other people’s advice. However, I’m going to beg you not to – it’s not worth it. Of course, just for clarification, if someone did something truly horrendous that warrants major destruction, such as cheating? Well then all bets are off.
Keep reading »

Love Vandal: A Heart Gathers No Moss

[Photo: Kate Wolfrom]

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at Keep reading »

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