Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
Category Archives: Relationships
There I was in the grocery, pressing the ends of a cantaloupe and sniffing it, trying to decide if it was ripe. Across the produce section, I spotted my landlord. I waved, a normal courtesy I extended the two times a year I happened upon him in real life. He left his cart, and came rushing towards me. As he came closer, I realized he was mad. “Why haven’t you paid your rent in four months?” he yelled.
I felt adrenaline surge through my body. What was he talking about? I always paid my rent. Never so much as a day late. Every month, a week before it was due, I wrote a check to my roommate and best friend, Leah*. Keep reading »
I’m in my early twenties and still a virgin, sort of by choice, but also because I was never asked out when I was younger. This past weekend, I reconnected with an old male friend who admitted to having liked me in the past, but the timing between us was off. We started talking about sex, and I turned him down, telling him I didn’t think I was ready, and I wasn’t in love with him. He was a great guy about it. But now, I think I’m regretting saying no. I’m starting to panic thinking that I just turned down my only chance, as it’s not like I’m beating away men with a stick. I have recently lost a lot of weight, so maybe things will change, but I still don’t seem to have guys running up to talk to me. Also, it’s the fact that I’m in my early twenties, and I’m feeling like I let time run away from me and I can’t stop it. The last thing I want is to become the female version of the 40-Year-Old Virgin. Do I call him and get it over with, as it were? Am I seriously doomed as I think I am because of my age? And how do I stop worrying so much? — Twenty-Something Virgin
It was just my sister, my boyfriend and me at the tapas bar. Over Spanish food and mojitos, we were laughing and drinking. Like any night I can liberate her from small, crying children, I considered it a success. Then my boyfriend rose to head to the restroom and my sister lurched her head across the table. “I’ll make this quick,” she said her voice lowered. “I have to tell you something.” She then divulged a suburban marital drama and asked me for advice. My poor boyfriend was exiled to the bar for privacy and then deposited at home by himself. The sisters had things to discuss.
I’ve long considered my older sisters to be my closest confidantes. Heck, the three of them practically raised me. When your family is as screwed-up as mine, that’s what happens. But that night at the tapas bar was the first time I didn’t just feel like the little sister, but the friend too. Keep reading »
If it’s stupid and embarrassing, I’ve done some version of it on a date … and have had to do some pretty impressive damage control to make up for it.
From cartwheeling over a restaurant chair like I was in the “American Gladiators” atlasphere to accidentally saying unflattering things about Hunt’s ketchup (honestly, how could I have possibly known her father worked at Hunt’s parent company, agribusiness giant ConAgra?), I’m an ace at figuring out how to thoroughly embarrass myself. Read more … Keep reading »
I have a cautionary tale for you about the perils of using instant messenger or text messaging, those convenient communication tools that make reading emotions, intent, and sarcasm difficult in our modern age. You see, it all started a year ago, when my best friend, who I’ve known since we were 4 years old, IM’d me to ask my opinion about a cropped jacket. Yes, a cropped jacket. Keep reading »