Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

My First Crush: The Senior

There are few names that a woman should never forget. The name of the person she lost her virginity to. Her mother’s maiden name (for the security of her bank account). Chanel. And of course, the name of her First Crush.

Now I don’t mean your first crush when you were five in the sandbox. Nor do I mean your first crush in middle school. I mean your first real high school crush. The one that you had when you were a Freshman and he was a Senior. Sure, up until that crush there may have been a hot and heavy make out session in the back of the movie theater following some experimentation with whip-its. But this crush is bigger than that. I’m talking about the first guy who made you realize that you wanted to have sex with someone. That made you think about having sex with him. Even if you’d never done IT. Even if IT scared you.

For me, it was Dave Waldenberg. Keep reading »

10 Movies, TV Shows, & Songs To Avoid During A Breakup

While I am on this “break” with the man friend (it remains unclear how long this break will last, FYI), I’ve sworn off certain movies, TV shows, and songs out of fear that they’ll make me depressed. A friend of mine went through a breakup recently and all she did was listen to Morrissey, but wallowing is not really my heartbreak style. I like avoidance and denial. Obviously, I can’t avoid these aspects of pop culture forever and will need to work them gradually back into my life, but for now, there will be no “General Hospital”, or Queen’s “You’re My Best Friend”, or Reese Witherspoon movies. See the rest of the list of Pop Culture No-No’s, after the jump. Keep reading »

Having A Baby With Your Gay Best Friend: What’s In It For The Ladies?

For more than a decade, my best friend has been a gay guy. I don’t really even like qualifying him as a “gay guy,” since his gayness is such a non-issue in our relationship and in my perception of him. Part of that may be the type of gay he is, or more accurately, the type of gay he isn’t. He never knows, for example, when it’s Pride weekend, and he doesn’t own anything rainbow, and he doesn’t even like Madonna. He does, however, love “Project Runway” as much as I do and his home is so beautifully designed, it would give Martha Stewart an inferiority complex. Sometimes after we’ve had a few bottles of wine — as we’re known to do — and we’re good and lubricated, he’ll slide in a comment about the possibility of us making a kid together. Usually, it’ll be a remark about what great hair it would have or how it would surely inherit the same square Flintstone feet we both share. I’ll chuckle and reply with some quip about it also inheriting the same flightiness we both have, too, and then I’ll change the subject. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Five Reasons NOT To Go On A Date

Have you ever just not been in the mood to go out on yet another first date, but force yourself to do it anyway? You talk yourself into it, reasoning, “What if he’s the one and instead of meeting him, I stayed home to eat cereal out of the box and watch ‘Gossip Girl’?” So, being a trooper, you slap on some lipstick and head out. And then nine times out of ten, the whole evening turns out to be an exercise in humiliation and/or futility and you come home more miserable than you were beforehand.

That’s because while it can be fun, dating can also be brutal. To be at all successful you have to be at the top of your game. Do you think Serena Williams sits around drinking milkshakes and watching reality TV the week before Wimbledon? No. She trains, stretches, meditates and makes certain her cutest tennis whites are clean. Keep reading »

Five Fall Date Ideas

I’m on a dating hiatus right now, but for those of you who enjoy activities for two, the change in seasons brings with it a whole new set of activity options. Lucky for me, they’re also fun with a group of friends, though not quite as romantic.

1. Pick Produce
Apples are all ripe and delicious right now, so find an orchard in your area, gather some fruit, and bake a pie together — he better help. Keep reading »

Get Your Rocks Off: Girl Talk’s Songs To Send To Your Ex-Girlfriend…

Girl Talk is a DJ with a misleading name — there’s nothing feminine or cutesy about him. He does, however, happen to be a handsome lad by the name of Gregg Gillis. Gillis’ songs are no less than genius. He manages to sample dozens of artists in a single track. On his latest album, “Feed the Animals”, you can hear Phil Collins mixed with Busta Rhymes and The Police in a way that first blows your mind and then makes you want to dance. We’ve had a bit of a crush on Gregg for the past few years, and his playlist (after the jump) gives us a ray of hope that there’s still a 2 percent chance that we’ll get married.
[MySpace: Girl Talk]

Keep reading »

Love Vandal: Those Four Lovely Letters

Reader Kristin spotted this while visiting her sis in Denver, CO. [Photo: Kristin Mohn]

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at Keep reading »

Girl Talk: When Marriage Means More To Families Than The Couples Themselves

My boyfriend and I have been together for just under 2 ½ years and at the risk of sounding gag-arrific, I’ve really never been happier. Not only do we love each other, but we actually like each other a lot, too — two things I’ve learned don’t always go hand in hand. We have tons in common, have a great time together, always make each other laugh, and never run out of stuff to talk about. Among some of our topics of conversations are: vacation plans, buying a place in Brooklyn, having kids (when, why, and what to name them), and whether, when we’re old and gray, we’ll be like the senior couples we see in the park sometimes who hold hands on the bench and swap sections of the Sunday New York Times. One of the topics that doesn’t crop up in our conversations very much, despite everything else we discuss, is marriage, something it seems like a lot of people — my family, especially — can’t seem to understand.
Keep reading »

How To Survive The First Week Of A Broken Heart

My relationship status is in limbo. Eight days ago I was engaged. Now I don’t know what I am. I’m not single, but I’m certainly feeling an aloneness that I haven’t felt in four and half years — it’s traumatizing and weirdly liberating all at once. During the first few days of this new stage of my life, I found it impossible to get out of bed, my bones ached, and I had a strong desire to sleep for the next 100 years. But since then I’ve discovered how to pick myself back up and offer to you 10 tips for surviving the first week of heartbreak.

10. Pop Pills: Obtained legally and under the advisement of your doctor, of course. Let’s face it, the first few days, it’s really hard to conceive of life being worth living. I don’t care if you’re all girl power strong and resilient — heartbreak can knock the wind out of any Calamity Jane. that’s why I can vouch for the effectiveness of a nice, doctor-prescribed dose of anti-depressants and sleeping meds to take the edge off. Sleep your ass off and after a couple deep dreams, you’ll wake up feeling refreshed.
Keep reading »

For The Week Of September 22-28, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Money is the #1 issue that breaks up most couples. However, if there’s anything that you hate, it’s being a statistic. Time to bite the bullet and put your thinking cap on. Solutions to creating a strategy are looming around your head. Focus and you’ll see. The one caveat though: bagging your ego, as success is only possible if you implement subtly and have him think it’s his idea.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With love tingling all your hot spots, there’ll be no words to articulate what you’re feeling. Thankfully, as mercury starts to retrograde on the 25th and throws your communications into chaos, it’ll be best to let actions speak for you, to ensure your message is clear — and in libidinous lounge wear and whip cream only a moron will misinterpret you.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you find yourself trying to negotiate yourself into feeling more, to hype yourself over some anonymous semi-hot person that you’ve just met, stop. Venus, the love planet is in your sign and sexier options are coming, but not if you waste time. Keep the flow going; something will give. Besides, when has settling ever been worth your time or any self-esteem?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your instincts will be a mess and friends will all have differing opinions. What is a girl to do? Sit back, let it all unfurl and trust you’ve put in enough action. If the resolution that eventually unravels doesn’t feel right, you’ll have your answer. Yes, being patient isn’t your favorite thing to do, but with all the practice this year has brought, at least you’re getting better at it.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your horny devil will be out in full force, get a chaperone if you don’t want trouble. Otherwise, you might find yourself in bed with the wrong person, as in a friend that has always had a crush on you that you never had sexy feelings for, or someone that’ll make you feel a shame so deep, you’ll want to staple yourself shut. With that said, be vigilant over your excess.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Love and all that it entails will be the least of your cares, as it’ll be your ambition that’ll make you hot. After all, work is the one place in your life you can see solid results. Of course, one inevitably feeds off the other and while you might not be expecting any sexy thrills, your power will unavoidably make you a magnet for XXX adventures.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Whoever is pulling at your heartstrings may be the best in bed, the hottest piece to hang from your arm and the most charismatic being you’ve ever met. However, if he’s not feeling the same about you, pouring more worship onto him isn’t going to help. Curb your enthusiasm and sort out the equality in your pairing now or doom yourself to the lowly position of fan club president.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

When it comes down to it, you may not think your baby is as bright as you wish and certainly, he could never be as brilliant as you. Nonetheless, he has his good points, and for that you can praise him. Of course, if all you think you can get is a pea-brained sweetie that can get hard on demand, then really, what is that saying about you?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Responsibilities can take a back seat, as love consumes every morsel of your being, making you delirious to anything other than your one and only. While you might stop to question your sanity for a half a millisecond, the force will be too powerful to refuse — so don’t. Besides, what wrong could ever come out of multiple orgasms?

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Options will spring from every corner, making you’ll feel like a kid in a rated X candy shop. Sure, the deluge of sweets may lead to a massive case of rot, but in every piece is something nutritious and if you examine carefully on what serving sizes are healthy, you’ll find that at the end, you’ll get all the nutrients you need.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Avoid listening to any of the opinions relatives spew to you this week, especially regarding love. Instead, trust your own instincts, even if you know you’re walking into a fire. Fate is upon you and there’s no turning back. Enter your destiny and take in the thrills as they come. Any other way will only leave you with regret, and god knows they’ll make lonely nights even colder.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Trauma on the home front is going to be inevitable, as those passive aggressive ways of you and your boo get explosive. They’ll be no more taming down aggravations and breaking out all the heavy artillery talks is inevitable. Of course, being that you’re both so thorough, after much deliberation a resolution will come and then so will both of you.

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