Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

Girl Talk: He’s The One, But Is This The Ring?

I’m at my parents’ place this week, visiting my family for Christmas. Shortly after I arrived, my mother presented me with an engagement ring. The ring belonged to my great-grandmother, who got married 80 years ago in the fall of 1928. This past summer, when I last saw my mom, I told her my boyfriend and I were talking marriage, and I asked if she could get the ring out of the safety deposit box so I could try it on at Christmas. Eager to see me married ASAP, she was more than happy to comply. Keep reading »

Dealbreaker: The Dumb Guy

I noticed Bob before he noticed me. He looked like the kind of guy you have sex with in barroom bathrooms and the backseats of cars. When he said “Hey” as I brushed past him in the Cold & Sinus aisle of Walgreen’s, I hesitated. I knew that “Hey.” It was the cocky “Hey” of a man who’s good in bed and bad at everything else. He’ll stand you up for dinner, but he can guarantee you multiple orgasms before breakfast. I knew better. I agreed to meet him for coffee later that night.

Keep reading »

The Breakup Diaries: My $527 Makeout

To make a long story short, my breakup is officially official. It became sort of official a few months ago when I decided to call it a breakup rather than a “break” or a “separation,” but it didn’t become officially official until my ex told me, a week ago, that he was no longer in love with me. Until that point, I was definitely holding out hope for a potential reconciliation — after all, the “break” was supposed to be time for him to explore and deal with his issues — but when someone tells you that they don’t love you anymore, well, whether you believe them or not, and whether you think they need serious help, you kind of just need to accept it and move on. So I did. And it cost me $527. But it was worth it. Keep reading »

What My Ex Taught Me About Relationships

I’m still adjusting to single life since my breakup, but I’m making a lot of progress, and it’s gotten me thinking about what kind of person I want to be with in the future. For most of my life, instead of approaching relationships with a checklist, I was flattered someone — anyone — was interested in me, and I didn’t stop to question whether we had much in common. In some ways, my ex was perfect for me, but in others we weren’t so compatible. Both the good and the bad taught me about what I want next time. Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 22-28, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As long as you’re in party mode, nothing will go wrong. This is your time to let loose and free yourself. If this means getting wasted and fessing up to your crush or spilling the beans to your baby on your nasty fantasies, go for it. The outcome will be better than expected. Taking chances will bring you just rewards, so play the game and win those prizes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With the new moon and sun happening in your family sector, this will give you the best luck when it comes to dealing with the crazy relatives. If this includes bringing your baby home to meet the parents or vice versa, it’ll go swimmingly as the whole idea of being one cozy little clan will happen better than you possibly could imagine.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If your holidays entail a short trip, then color yourself happy as good times will come your way in the form of new and interesting types crossing your path, offering lots of worthwhile conversation and charming flirtations. While they might be more of the fleeting variety, they’ll be enough to be a nice warm Yule log roasting in your open fire.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t underestimate the power of wealth. If your sweetie isn’t spending the cash literally or metaphorically on you this holiday, take it as a bad sign. Sure, there is a recession going on, but if your present underwhelms, it’s a direct translation of his feelings. After all, thought, care and sentimentality are free and priceless.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

This is your time to hop on top of any pressing matters that have been stressing you out and ride that sucker into your control. This will give you the biggest feeling of satisfaction you’ve had in a long time, as enthusiasm to be in the moment will return and that feeling of joie de vivre sparkles in your once again. Reward yourself with new f*** me shoes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Holiday madness will force you to want to retreat and go into soul-searching mode by the end of the week. Seems the barbaric ways of the people around you will be inducing you into a subtle coma that’ll have you needing private time to recoup for the second round of cheer. Avoid the guilt, as you’ve put in your penance. Yes, you’ve earned your freedom of hermitdom.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s going to be all about the love you give others, which might wind up being a little thankless early on, but chances are a surprise is coming for you that’ll prove that all your nurturing and nagging has paid off as someone close to you will be giving you something you’ve always wished and dreamt of.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your fame is on the rise, but don’t let it go to your head. Not to say you don’t deserve all the accolades for a job well done, but not if this means taking on a snotty attitude because that won’t fly well with your honey who will be more than willing to take the role of authority and spank you back into your place. Of course, with such a firm hand, it’ll be a punishment that’ll please.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Expect one of those legendary holidays that deepen you and your boo’s bond, elevating your relationship to a more spiritual level that’ll have you feeling like you’ve been slipped a ruffie. Cast your apprehension aside, as all the doubts and questions you have in your mind will magically get their answers as the rest of the year unravels.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Lucky devil, your house of sex is lighting up big time. It seems a new man is about to come into your life to shake your feathers in a way you’ve never quite had before, bringing out a more intimate side to you that has you feeling more intense. You know it, this mystery man will be a chock full of surprises, ones that can even make you blush.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your relationship’s commitment factor will be your major focus, as big decisions are coming down to the wire. Yes, this is going to be one of those make or break moments that’ll have you feeling the pressure. Luckily, the chances are it’ll be sweet and perfect, so make sure you have the full on hair and make-up happening because these moments will be Kodak moments.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All your vices will be wearing thin, making you feel exacerbated by the old ways and ready for a change. Call it your own X-mas Carol moment, but something will jog your mind, throwing you into a future tense mode and forcing change. Yes, sudden break-ups and breakdowns are expected, but at the end, you’ll be victorious.

Handle It: Sleeping Arrangements At His Parents House

You’ve decided to spend the holiday at your boyfriend’s family’s house this year. But the big question remains: Where do you rest your pretty little head at night? Do you share a bed with your man or do you retreat to a lumpy couch and spend your nights in solitude?

Here are some possible scenarios that may play out when you get to his parents’ crib. Keep reading »

A Grade School View Of Marriage

A friend of mine just heard that his 9-year-old godson proposed to a girl in his class who he’s been crushing on. Last night at a skating party, he bought a plastic ring and asked her to marry him. The kid’s mom told him, “If she says yes, you’ll have to pay for her the rest of her life.” But even that harsh reality check didn’t deter him. The 9 year old said, “It would be worth it.” If only adults retained this attitude, divorces wouldn’t be so messy — or even exist! We’re still waiting to hear whether the girl said “yes.” Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Should I Wait Around For My Cancer Man To Commit?

“I’m used to being with bad boys, jocks, and jerks, so the day I met this sweet, easy-going guy, I fell hard right away. But my first red flag should have been the fact that he cheated on his ex-girlfriend with me. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He was following that, “Don’t ask, don’t tell policy,” I guess. He broke up with her shortly after we hooked up. He claimed she was ‘evil.’ By May we were exclusive. Now our relationship is long distance. We see each other once a month. We talk all the time and the times we are together are amazing. He’s in the army and now he is moving even farther away. He wanted me to move and be with him, but I have a good job and I also have a son. It would be hard to just up and move across the country. I told him if he ever proposed to me, I’d move in a heartbeat. It’s been almost eight months. He claims I’m ‘the one,’ says he has no doubts about us and doesn’t want to lose me, but he isn’t ready for marriage. I’ve been putting off accepting a good job and buying a house because I’ve been thinking that we will be together. I’ve been waiting and it’s not happening. He says it’s not that he’s not sure about being with me, he’s just not sure about marriage. Should I wait it out? Or move on without him? The long distance relationship is killing me! He told me he has no idea when he will be ready. My birthday is 09/22/1986 and his is 06/24/1986. – Torn Virgo Keep reading »

Poll: What Profession Does Your Dream Mate Work In?

Even though Amelia is planning on tracking down Ryan Gosling now that he and Rachel McAdams are off, she never mentions getting married to him. A survey of 5,500 people in seven countries might explain why she wants him for now, not forever. Only three percent of those surveyed thought actors made good partners. Doctors and other health professionals, on the other hand, are considered marrying material, with 16 percent citing them as their preferred marriage partners. What profession does the guy of your dreams work in? [Reuters] Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Four Reasons You’ll NEVER Get Dumped

Writing about dating is my full-time job, so, naturally, I hear a lot of pretty deranged tales of love gone wrong. But last week I received a letter from a woman who was convinced that men wouldn’t go out with her because she was just too … beautiful.

She fully believed her breathtaking attractiveness was anything but a man-magnet—as one might expect. Instead, she said, her beauty acted as a Romeo-repellant, causing suitors to run screaming from her. Obviously, I explained the situation to her (perhaps it wasn’t her gorgeous outsides, but her narcissistic insides that were doing the damage), but it did get me to thinking about all the other ridiculous reasons that women—myself included—come up with when they get dumped. Keep reading »

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