• Relationships

Dealbreaker: Musicians/Rock Stars/Singer-Songwriters

Dudes in bands: They’re creative, laid back, they’re hot, they have great music collections, they’re sensitive, and very often, they’re funny without being as damaged as comedians. What’s not to like? Let’s discuss.

There was the Luke Skywalker look-alike who drummed for so many bands I couldn’t keep track of them all. (Although, as a drummer, does he really count as a musician? Wocka wocka!) Practices and shows took priority over time with me, so I was competing with an unknown amount of other rock dudes probably numbering somewhere in the dozens, and decidedly losing that competition. The drummer boy flaked out on me. He reappeared to apologize profusely for his disappearing act, we had a great discussion over dinner about us, and how we were going to start over and do it right this time because both of us really understood where the other one was at. Then he promptly flaked again. He’s now married to another musician who, it turns out, has also flaked on me.
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The Breakup Diaries: Laughter Is The Best Medicine

This weekend, Anne Hathaway hosted “Saturday Night Live”. Her opening monologue was the funniest of the season, so far, as she poked fun at her breakup with Italian lothario/scammer Raffaello Follieri . The appearance not only made me like Hathaway more — she’s not the little priss from “The Princess Diaries” after all! — but it also made me think about the notion of laughter being the best medicine during a breakup. Keep reading »

For The Week Of October 6-12, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll be able to separate the men from the boys this week, as riddles you’ve posed start to produce answers that’ll reveal the true intelligence of your prospects. The problem though is that the winner of this contest is most likely the one you’re not rooting for, which will mean the most important lesson you’ll learn this week is you’re more superficial than you thought. Oh well.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The bad girl in you will be suggesting all sorts of naughty ideas that you shouldn’t ignore. Let her take charge, because she’ll find the intrigue you’re in dire need of refueling on. Despite the perfect image you want to portray, you know deep down inside you’re not a gal suitable for the general public and it’s time you owned up to it.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

They’ll be no stopping you from getting on top of things and riding off into the sunset of your choice, as the world is now kneeling in front of you, begging for you to do with it as you will. There’s no limit to your potential, so be sure to crack the whip with real authority and drive a hard bargain. Remember, there’s a reason you were born under the official sign of the badass.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

The past is going to haunt you, as hook-ups will make you ooze with nostalgia. Who knows what exactly is the cause, it might be that you actually do meet-up with a past love or something about your current one brings out your sentimental side. Whichever your case, don’t give in any further, as the long-term effects will bring complete mayhem.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Remember, it’s about quality, not quantity. So, despite friends feverishly living out their smuttiest fantasies, making you feel like a prude, revel in the fact that you’re not running to the clinic getting tested every week. Sure, your toes might be permanently curled, but consider it the nicer alternative than being consumed by psychosomatic itching and burning sensations.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A compromising position at work may leave a bad taste in your mouth. Instead of analyzing the situation, trying to justify it, take it for what it is — total discomfort. After all, it doesn’t take Einstein to decipher a good touch from a bad one. With this said, make this your catalyst for moving to sunnier shores and take that next step in your career.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

All your best ideas will come to you while you’re going at it. Complete with feeling like a giant knot lately, it’s been ages since you’ve gotten a shag that has made you almost reach nirvana. Thankfully, this week, the universe is looking out for you and some kick-ass revelations will be vibrating through your soul and bestowing you with divine inspiration.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

The measure of your affection is the intensity of your madness. The stronger your passion, the more insane you get. This week, if you can get through all the communication mishaps, you’ll most likely be peaking at crazy levels that can get you locked-up — and everyone will be genuinely happy about that.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Home may be where your heart is, but not where you and your boo’s whole existence should be. This means, make it a priority to every so often come out for sunlight, as in prancing about as a couple and revealing to friends that you indeed do have someone in-between your sheets that is delightful, cute, of normal intelligence and not rechargeable.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Not all love affairs are the same. Some start slow, others burn out fast, and then there are those that keep you on the fence. This week, destiny will lead you to a new find, which will have you wondering if it’s a diamond in the rough or just plain rough. Set a deadline on chipping off the veneer. If a sparkle isn’t found in two weeks, cut your losses.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You have too many responsibilities in your life than to have to deal with domestic love issues too. Instead of driving yourself over the edge about your honey’s slovenly habits, put on the rose colored glasses and mentally live out your perfect romantic fantasies. Think of it as researching a standard in which to love by, as visualizing is half the job of making it real.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Avoid any conversations dealing with serious commitment, especially cohabitation, or expect power plays to erupt and ego-clashes down to the death. To better argue your case, do it with action — as in taking advantage of the mind-blowing sex aspects you have going on and making him realize how lucky he has it already and how it could be his 24-7 if he’s man enough.

Men Hate Our Clutter

I have a lot of collections: miniatures, toy guns, vintage hats, art books, concert set lists, magazines, records, high heels, etcetera. While I thought I was collecting boyfriends the same way, apparently all my tchotchkes are scaring them off. According to Alex Froud, who wrote “Throw Out The Knick-Knacks: Why Must You Women Have So Much Clutter?” nothing makes a penis go limp quite like a bunch of personal touches. Froud, a happily married man, describes his wife’s influx of home accessories as “Chinese water torture — but with ornaments.” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: “Friendships” In The Technological Age

Hold onto your mouse pads, I have a revelation for you (drum roll please): online friends are not the same as their “real world” equivalents.

I know, duh. You rarely, if ever, actually see the people you meet online. They don’t go with you to the grocery store or to check out the cute guy at Starbucks and are unlikely to ever ask to borrow your Marc Jacobs handbag (meaning you never have to humiliate them by saying no). If you’re going through a bad time, they might be there with some emailed sympathy and advice but call them in tears at 4 AM and you’re crossing over into stalker territory.
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When To “Satisfice” Yourself For The Sake Of Your Relationship

The other day I was reading an article about the 8 ways to trick your brain into spending less (sadly, booze didn’t make the list) and one of the tips was to “satisfice yourself.” Thinking that might require batteries or something, I sailed on over to Wikipedia for a definition and discovered that satisfice is basically a made up a word, blended from the words “satisfy” and “suffice.” The author of the article explained, “When you satisfice, you don’t let an impossible quest for the perfect option destroy your enjoyment of the merely OK.” Hmm, I thought, is that sort of like just accepting that your boyfriend prefers watching, like, 15 hours of baseball every week instead of “The Real Housewives of New York City” marathons?

To clarify, satisficing isn’t the same thing as settling. Settling is accepting the merely OK despite a very a real possibility of finding and achieving better. Satisficing is understanding when that possibility is pretty much, well, nil…like meeting a straight guy who’d rather watch reality TV than sports. After the jump, ten other scenarios when you just have to satisfice for the sake of your relationship and dating life because your quest is pretty impossible… Keep reading »

Quote Of The Day: Barack Obama On How To Rule At Marriage

“[The key to a successful marriage is] a sense of humor, listening and never get so mad that you forget why you love them.” — Barack Obama, who celebrates his 16th anniversary with wife Michelle today. Check out some of their hottest PDA here. (I really hope they get five minutes alone for at least a quickie.) Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: Five Sure Ways NOT To Get Over Someone

I’m going to come right out and cop to this—I have been dumped more times than I can count. You’d think that after the 5,234th time, I’d be a tad more resilient, but nah. I have mourned certain dead relationships for longer than they went on in the first place and made an idiot of myself over men so patently unworthy, it’s a wonder I haven’t had my feminist card revoked. Lucky for everyone within sobbing distance, I haven’t been dumped in a while, but as a public service I figured I’d share my mistakes so you can learn from them, after the jump… Keep reading »

The Monogamist: What Marriage Feels Like

Well, I did it. A couple of weeks ago, I tied the knot. Got hitched. Became a ball and chain. And got my own ball and chain? People make it sound so weighty. When we got engaged, it did feel huge, like this gigantic life-altering decision that was so…permanent. And it is. I’m not saying it’s not. But you know what? It feels exactly the same as it did before. Yes, it’s still weird to refer to Andy as my husband, rather than boyfriend (never fiancé), and when I called our car insurance to tell them we’d gotten married, they sent us a $13.14 rebate check, which will buy us about four gallons of gas or a week’s worth of coffee, depending on our mood. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Your Significant Other And Your Family Don’t Get Along

On a last night’s episode of “The Hills,” Spencer was being his usual d-bag self, but I couldn’t believe he was so rude to Heidi’s mother that she later cried on camera. This to me is the most unthinkable sin for a boyfriend or husband to commit. I’ve never understood how a woman can date a man that doesn’t get along with her family, especially if she has a close or at least workable relationship with them.

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