A quick note on anonymity. Support group meetings like these are anonymous. The stories told by others and their names are not to leave the room and therefore all references will be very vague and general, with only a specific focus on my takeaway as it pertains to my situation. I’m also not attempting to evangelize for the 12 Steps and, in fact, don’t even discuss the actual 12 steps in this essay. I’m simply sharing my thoughts on my experience with the group, which may or may not reflect others’ experiences with it.
I think the first 12 step meeting is probably a little awkward for everybody. It’s already some level of uncomfortable to talk in front of a group of strangers, but to do so about such personal issues? Really weird. But even if you’re used to talking about your problems and showing your emotions to others, be it friends or family or a therapist, a 12 step meeting is different, in that nobody responds. Nobody interrupts, nobody asks questions, nobody gives advice. They just sit and listen. Usually in life, when we share things about ourselves, we look for some kind of reaction or feedback, those remarks or gestures from others that ease the story along. During a 12 step meeting, one person shares at a time and everyone else just listens; when the share is over, its someone else’s turn and so on. The conversation happens through the interaction of those individual stories as they are heard, received and understood by everyone else in the room. Pause, and it’s quiet. Stays quiet, until you’re ready to continue or conclude. I’ve found those moments to be the most transformational.
I am not personally an addict. But other people’s addictions have been a constant presence in my life, in some way, since I was born. Yet, it wasn’t until a few months ago that I decided to attend my first 12 step meeting for family members and friends of addicts. Keep reading »
I’m just going to come out and say it: I can’t stomach being single anymore.
With the exception of a few men who’ve come and gone, lasting only a few weeks here and a few months there, I’ve been dating unsuccessfully for about four years now. There have been periods of time where I’ve sworn off men completely, refusing to date or so much as look at my OKCupid notifications. I’ve also engaged in the opposite behavior, juggling multiple dudes at a time, hoping one of them would turn out to be worth continuing to date. I’ve gone through bouts of depression, seeking therapy to help me move on from past relationships (Thanks, Patrick Bateman!). But the hardest part of it all has been remaining confident in the knowledge that, despite the evidence to the contrary, I have a ton of love to offer someone and should never settle for anything less than a wonderful guy. Keep reading »
With Thanksgivukkah quickly approaching, it’s time we put the turkey and menorah talk aside for a moment to focus on something super important: your sexytime situation.
For those of you who are coupled up, the holidays often mean traveling with your significant other, either to visit your family or theirs, to enjoy the festivities together. A Thanksgiving-inspired post from our very own Jessica on How To Share A Bed With Your BF At The Parents’ House Without Epic Awkwardness got me thinking: how many people would actually do the hanky-panky at another’s house over the holidays? Keep reading »
“If [a relationship] should come along, great … But I feel like I’m not missing anything yet. Maybe one day I will. But my son is three years old, which is an amazing age. Four is an even better age. So if something happens, great, but if not, I’ve got plenty to do…Life is a series of disastrous moments. In between those moments, that’s when you savor, savor, savor.”
–Sandra Bullock talks about her relationship status in Entertainment Weekly. I doubt she’s missing out on anything either. If she was, I’m sure she’d know. It’s quite a feat to try to bounce back when your ex is Jesse James. I appreciate Sandra’s her outlook on relationships: a series of disasters with some good moments in between. Often those good moments happen when you’re single — not just when you’re smitten. [People]
Turkey dropping is a cute-sounding name for an awful phenomenon: getting dumped on or right before Thanksgiving. It’s particularly common for high school sweethearts who go off to separate colleges and realize right around Thanksgiving break that they want to “keep their options open.” This happens in the adult dating world as well, when the stress of the impending holidays starts to settle in and the questioning half of the couple decides they don’t want to forage ahead through Christmas and New Years together. Keep reading »
It’s Thanksgiving and Hannukah week! That means family time, and family time means passive aggressive comments galore (oh, joy). Here’s a pie chart breakdown of a classic passive aggressive mom comment, which most daughters can see coming a mile away. Happy holidays!
One of the weirdest things that people say to each other about relationships is “When you know, you know.” It means that when you’ve found the other person to be your singular life partner, you’re practically struck by a bolt of lightening. You just know.
It’s a weird aphorism, because it’s so often untrue. Many of us know people who actually don’t know. They’re ambivalent about the person they’ve been dating, even for a long time, or they’re ambivalent about commitment, fidelity or the institution of marriage.
Then there are the other people who do know, who do find someone, and then they get proven wrong. They know someone is right for them, but life turns around and tells them, “Actually, you don’t know.” Keep reading »
The holidays remind us of family get-togethers sharing food, laughter and bonding. But if you are a food addict, the holidays may be one big, guilt-ridden binge. Food addicts think about food and have memories of food too, but they will most likely be linked with memories of hiding it, being punished by withdrawal of food, or being abandoned from loving relationships and using eating as a means of comfort. With all of these complicated issues surrounding the act of eating, it’s no wonder the holidays are so stressful for people who struggle with food addictions. The frenzy and excitement brings stress, and food addicts comfort and calm their stress with food. How can you help if you are addicted, married to or know a food addict during the holidays? Click her to read an expert’s advice on Your Tango…
So you’ve finally found The One (or at least The One For The Foreseeable Future) and you’ve committed to a serious relationship. Now what? In our new weekly column, Life After Dating, we’ll discuss the unique joys and challenges of coupledom.
I’ve been with my boyfriend, Max*, for five years now. We are completely committed to each other and about as happy together as real-life couple can be. I don’t question the fact that we will be together forever. I don’t want to date anyone else. And yet, I still get crushes on other people.
I’ve always been the crushing type. I tend to fall in love with 10 different people a day, for one reason or another. I toss my feelings around pretty freely, and the result is frequent, fleeting crushes on everyone from my favorite barista to the guy who came over to set up my wireless internet to about one-third of the contestants on “The Voice.”
“I briefly fell in love with the cable guy today,” I’ll tell Max over cocktails. He laughs it off. Luckily, he loves this quirk about me. Keep reading »
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): There will be many uphill battles you’ll have to fight this week, because people just can’t seem to fly with your ideas. Yes, the people you want to affect will be hard to win over, but realize it’s fear not stubbornness that is behind this. While you might want write them off as wimps, be patient — acceptance will have its own timeline now.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19): You’ll have the stars on your side when it comes to romance, love and cosmic bonding. So, share your current batch of lofty ideals and see how they match up with what the object of your affection wants. Through this bonding, interesting realizations will rise to the surface, opening up opportunities you never thought could happen. So, unlock that deeper passion and say, “Hello to it all!” Keep reading »