Category Archives: Relationships

Sassy sophisticated relationship advice for real women everywhere: dating advice, love advice, and more!

The 10 Commandments Of Dating (For Guys)

When it comes to dating, there are some rules that should not ever be broken. Here are 10 dating commandments — for men! — that should be etched in stone. (Don’t worry — we’ll do 10 for women too … eventually.) Keep reading »

Are You The “Distancer” Or The “Pursuer” In Your Relationship?

Recently, I was having a Big Serious Relationship Talk with a woman I really respect. I know Dr. Debra Haffner in a professional-relationship-turned-friendship way for her work as executive director of the Religious Institute, which promotes a greater understanding of sexuality issues within religion. Debra is also an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister and, as such, she works with a lot of individuals and couples on answering “the big questions” of life. I’m not an especially religious person (“faithful,” might be a better description) and I’m not one to go around calling ministers when I have problems. But when I knew I needed to talk to someone wise and thoughtful, her image came to the forefront of my mind.

I am so glad we talked. I don’t read many self-help books or psychology books. Much like WebMD always making me think I have cancer, self-help books put “ideas” in my head. But there is something Rev. Debra explained to me that I found really enlightening: the concept of a “distancer” and a “pursuer” pattern in a relationship. Keep reading »

Dater X: I Had Sex With 5 Guys In 2010. In 2011, I’d Like To Only Sleep With 1.

You know how, once in a while, someone asks you your age and your mind goes blank, leaving you sounding like a total idiot tripping over the word, “Uhhhhh…” That’s how I feel about my magic number. Confession: I have no idea how many men I’ve had sex with over the years. I cashed in my v-card at age 16, and for a while kept a mental tally of the guys I had sex with, who were usually of the boyfriend variety. Somewhere in my early twenties, I reached the 10 mark and from there, keeping count just felt kinda wrong. About a year ago, a friend asked about my sex number and I went home determined to do a tally. But after I reached the second guy in the list whose name and identifying characteristics I no longer remembered, I abandoned the endeavor and vowed never to do it again. I know that my magic number is more than 15, and I’d like to say that it’s less than 25. But I’m just not sure anymore. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “I’m Stressed That My Boyfriend Smokes Pot”

I met a wonderful guy a little over a year ago and we started dating casually and taking things very slow. During that time I discovered that he occasionally smokes pot. I didn’t catch him doing it nor have I ever seen any paraphernalia anywhere — I just heard some stories through a mutual friend. When I found this out, I sat down with him and told him that our relationship would never get any more serious than what it was because I can’t be with someone who does illegal drugs (even occasionally) not only because of my job but because of my own values. This is not something I want to be part of my lifestyle and is pretty much a dealbreaker for me. I’m not trying to change anyone — I’m just acknowledging that our lifestyles are different and won’t work together. He took the news surprisingly well and told me that he was thinking about quitting anyway and didn’t want to lose a chance at something serious with me because of something he shouldn’t be doing anyway. I was and still am extremely skeptical, but we continued to date casually and take things very slow. Now our relationship is starting to progress into something more serious and I’m getting more paranoid. I can’t help but feel that he is still smoking pot when I’m not around even though he has given me absolutely no reason to feel this way. I’m starting to feel like I’m waiting for him or one of his friends to slip up rather than just trusting him and enjoying our relationship. Should I express my feelings about this to him or should I just trust him and wait it out? — Weed Killer

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m A Bottom

I was at a party a few years ago, where Mikey, one of my gay best friends, and I were having one of our heart-to-hearts. “Devon and I broke up,” he announced.

“What, why!? You seemed so perfect together,” I gasped.

“Eh, we were both tops,” he sighed. Keep reading »

Did Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter Split Because He Changed His Mind About Having Kids?

I gotta say, even though I’m rarely surprised when a celebrity couple splits, I was pretty shocked when “Dexter”‘s Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter announced they were divorcing. They’d only been married a couple years! They weathered through his battle with cancer! Surely they had the stuff that makes relationships survive? Apparently not. According to the National Enquirer (I know, a dubious source), after his cancer went into remission, Hall decided he no longer wanted to have children, a dealbreaker for Carpenter. If this is true, how sad. Imagine going into a long-term relationship/marriage with someone, agreeing on such a key aspect of where you see your lives headed together, only to have your partner up and change their mind one day. Keep reading »

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